Wikipedia:Peer review/McMaster University/archive1

McMaster University

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have listed this article for a peer review as I hope to eventually take this article up from GA-status to FA-status. The article has recently been through a copy-edit and I would like to gain some feedback, criticisms and comments on how and where this article can be improved to eventually reach FA-status. I personally feel that the lead section of the article can use some improvement, although a general review of the article would be most welcomed. Thanks you, Leventio (talk) 08:42, 11 June 2011 (UTC)

Is the article still under review? ResMar 16:25, 29 June 2011 (UTC)

Yes.Leventio (talk) 18:18, 29 June 2011 (UTC)

Comments by Bradley0110

This was an informative article to read and was very interesting. There are some grammatical issues spread out over the article but, apart from one section, not many issues with the sections themselves. The layout is good and consistent with featured articles on educational establishments and there is a good use of images. I know it is just following conventions but some editors get quite picky over non-free coats of arms in infoboxes; you might want to be prepared to move File:Mcmaster coatofarms improved.png to the coat of arms section if the issue is raised at FAC.

• General points
  • Unnecessary passive voice in parts, e.g. "The suggestion to move the university to Hamilton was first brought up by a student and Hamilton native in 1909, although the proposal was not seriously considered until two years later."
  • A lot of references come from the McMaster website. Are any other sources available?

• Campus
  • "McMaster's campus buildings vary in age from Hamilton Hall, built in 1926—the oldest building located in its present-day campus—to its newest business facilities in Burlington, completed in 2010." Can this be recast so there are not so many offset points?
  • "are currently underway" Currently as of?

• Housing and student facilities
  • "The university has a number of vegetarian options, with a completely vegetarian cafe known as Bridges Café." When I think of "vegetarian options" I think of a menu or a Quorn sausage or something small. Why not "The university has a number of vegetarian establishments, such as a completely vegetarian cafe known as Bridges Café and a farmers market stand."? The use of "with" here indicates a journalistic style, which comes up throughout the article. These should be recast for a more factual style.

• Off-campus facilities
  • "McMaster University's DeGroote School of Business currently[...]" When is "currently"? Better to say "As of YYYY McMaster University's DeGroote School of Business operates..."
  • "McMaster University announced plans for construction of a new arts- and technology-intensive[...]" "plans to construct"?
  • "The four-story, 90,000-square-foot (8,400 m2) building is called the Ron Joyce Centre." This would sit better after the construction and completion dates.
  • "The Ron Joyce Centre is home to DeGroote's MBA program as well as[...]" Just "and" would sound smoother than "as well as", unless the business management course needs emphasis for some reason.
  • "Downtown Centre, located in downtown Hamilton[...]" Drop the second "downtown"; I doubt there are many Downtown Centres located in the suburbs.
  • "Subsequent to filling the positions, registrants to the class are offered a position[...]". "After filling the positions"? and can the second "position" be changed to something like "place" so there aren't two "position"s in close proximity?
  • "The offers given out by McMaster are binded to the assigned site." Is "binded" common in Canadian English? Otherwise shouldn't this be "bound"?
  • "(UNU-INWEH) is currently headquartered within the park. UNU-INWEH is currently[...]" As of as of.
• Administration
  • "presently" at the end of the first paragraph should be dated.
  • "Patrick Deane is the seventh and current president of the university, serving the post since 1 July 2010." The "current" is redundant to the "since 1 July 2010".
• Research
  • The BBC News citation for Einstein's preserved brain is 12 years old; is there anything more recent?
• Student groups
  • centred around". "centred on"

• Notes and references
  • Websites should not be italicised.
  • Further reading should be in its own section, not a sub-section of refs.

Regarding your specific point about the lead needing work, I think it's almost there as it is, though you should include information about McMaster's reputation and rankings (e.g. ACSSB recognition). Bradley0110 (talk) 19:27, 30 June 2011 (UTC)

Comments by Leventio

• Thank you for reviewing this article. I have made the changes suggested (especially in regards to dating). Moved further reading subsection into a section. I've also moved the logo to the category "Academic institution logos" if that is what you intended. I've also added a more recent reference regarding the location the portion of Einstien's brain at McMaster (published in 2008).
• As far as I'm aware, there isn't any other (reputable) source which provides much of the information about the school other than McMaster's own website. I'll attempt to search for more third party sources for the McMaster links however.
• I'm not entirely sure what you mean by the unnecessary passive voice existing in the article, so could you expand on that if possible?
• I'm not sure which website has been italicised in the reference, or do you mean the titles themselves?
  • Leventio (talk) 14:54, 4 July 2011 (UTC)