Wikipedia:Peer review/Marriott School of Management/archive1

Marriott School of Management edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the first FAC council (see Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Marriott School of Management/archive1) thought it would be needed. Please focus your efforts on any POV in the article and lend to the History section as much as possible. Any other general copy editing appreciated as well.

Thanks, Eustress (talk) 23:31, 16 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting and detailed article, here are some suggestions for improvement:

A model article is useful for style, refs, structure, etc. There are 20 FAs at Category:FA-Class Universities articles, many of which would be useful articles
The lead needs to be expanded per WP:LEAD. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way.
Give the full name and follow it with the abbreviation the first time, so Brigham Young University (BYU). Watch overlinking - BYU is linked in the lead and then at least the next two sections, of the LDS Church is linked multiple times.
History - I was a bit confused by the whole middle paragraph on Accounting and Information Systems - why is this important? Also the history chronology skips around a bit - 1975 to 1988 and then back to 1976. I also note the four hubs have no dates, which seems odd for a history.
Campus as a section heading makes it seem it has its own campus, but it is just a couple of buildings on the main BYU campus, right? I have also not seen the coordinates in the body of the article - especialy since they are already there on the top right of the article.
Units need to be in both English and metric - the {{convert}} template may be useful here.
Where was the school before the Tanner building opened in 1982?
Avoid "currently" and "now" - use as of May 2008, for example
For The Wall Street Journal ranked the Marriott School as #2 among the best schools for graduates with strong ethical standards in 2003.[24] I would cite the Wall Street Journal, as well as or instead of the Deseret News.
These also need better cites: The MBA program is ranked #1 among regional schools (The Wall Street Journal, 2007) as well as for the amount of time to payback (BusinessWeek, 2006), at #2 for its emphasis on ethics (The Wall Street Journal, 2007), and #18 overall (Forbes, 2007).
Article is fairly well written but needs a copyedit to smooth over a few rough / awkward places.
As for POV, the article is very gowing about the school - sounds like it is a very good school, but are there any criticisms / complaints / scandals / problems? What do guides to business schools say about it?
The other thing to watch out for is WP:Recentism
Per WP:MOS#Images, images should be set to thumb width (can also use vertical for vertical images) to allow user set preferences to take over.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 13:03, 22 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]