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Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Bradford City A.F.C. managers/archive1

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List of Bradford City A.F.C. managers edit

I've listed this article for peer review because I've managed to add at least stubs to all the club's managers and want to further the article further possible towards a FLC. I want to know what else should be done to improve the article particularly towards references and the lead section. I reckon the article may also need a picture.


Thanks,

Peanut4 19:28, 4 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 12:56, 8 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
One quick point - I would add in a photograph of one of the managers. Everlast1910 16:08, 11 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah I agree. There's only currently two to pick from so I've gone for the more appropriate one. Peanut4 16:34, 11 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quick comment before I have to dash off to a meeting - this sentence makes no sense grammatically: "Bradford City's first manager was Robert Campbell, who was succeeded upon the club's election into the league in 1903." ChrisTheDude 09:58, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
    • Changed to appointed. Peanut4 21:51, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

Hi, some comments.

  • "Two years later he was succeeded the club's most " - is there a "by" missing?
  • In general, prose is a bit choppy, too many short sentences. Perhaps a copyedit?
    • Sorry, you're right - it's a side-effect of the job creeping in. I've given it a good copy-edit hopefully it's better now? -- Peanut4 (talk) 22:44, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...a record-breaking season." - in what sense?
    • Altered the wording and added reference. Peanut4 (talk) 22:59, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I believe there's a wikilink available for "player-manager".
  • "...winding-up order..." bit jargon, reduces accessability to non-experts.
    • changed to official liquidation. May try to find a wikilink and if it exists will add that too. -- Peanut4 (talk) 22:44, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... to land a trophy ..." a bit colloquial.
  • "star players" - POV.
    • Added reference which calls them "star players". Peanut4 (talk) 22:53, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "were expected to bounce back ..." - Original research unless you cite it.
    • Wow. Found a reference for it. Changed the wording to go with reference. Peanut4 (talk) 23:45, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • " superb run " - POV again.
    • Removed superb run and changed to more factual. Peanut4 (talk) 23:45, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Success in the final saw City and Luton Town swap places." - are you referring to Luton getting relegated and City getting promoted? I get it, others may not.
    • changed to swap divisions Peanut4 21:51, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He then built his reputation " - OR again.
    • Changed to "defied critics" and added suitable reference. Peanut4 (talk) 23:37, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • " his boyhood club " - did he play for them or support them as a boy?
  • "...sensationally ..." - POV.
    • changed to shock as per reference and added other references to back up whole sentence. Peanut4 (talk) 23:12, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "splashing out money on a series of stars " - colloquial and POV.
    • Amended wording and added suitable references. Peanut4 (talk) 23:03, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "But the money Hutchings was given still has repercussions on the club's league position and finances." - original research.
    • Added reference - though not necessarily a great one. Peanut4 (talk) 01:59, 17 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...City legend Stuart McCall was lured from..." bit peacock.
    • Lol. Read peacock and I think "bit" is an understatement. I've amended this to a factual reference. Peanut4 (talk) 22:54, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I like the history section in principle but I suggest you add a number of citations to clear up the problems with original research throughout.
  • Would recommend making articles, albethem stubs, for Jim McAnearney & Tom Hallett.
  • Soccerbase is notoriously poor for pre-late-1990s stats. Can you independently verify the stats for early managers?

Hope that helps. Let me know if I can be of any more use. The Rambling Man 11:33, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

    • General reply. Thanks very much for the reply. I will try add some references to back up POVs and ORs or change the text itself. I'm in the process of adding stubs for Jim McAnearney & Tom Hallett but wanted to get the rest of the managers done first. And I agree about Soccerbase. I don't know the exact dates the managers changed so I can't corroborate the manager stats. I also have doubts about a lack of caretaker between George Mulhall and Roy McFarland but can't find any supporting evidence anywhere to say there was one. Peanut4 21:51, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
      • Wow. I've managed to find references for them all. I will add stubs for Jim Mc and Tom Hallett too and I think I've addressed all the other comments. Though I need to go thru the stats to check Soccerbase, though at least I've referenced the stats to a verifiable source. Peanut4 (talk) 23:45, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
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