Wikipedia:Peer review/Klonoa: Door to Phantomile/archive1
Klonoa: Door to Phantomile edit
I'm looking to make this article a Good Article or, at the very least, achieve a "B" rating. Other than expanding the introduction and story section, what do I need to work on? Due to the game's obscurity, it's extremely difficult to find information and references, so keep that in mind. Thanks! --Teggles (talk) 07:01, 3 January 2008 (UTC)
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 01:24, 5 January 2008 (UTC)
- The first sentence needs something: Klonoa: Door to Phantomile combines standard sidescroller elements with unique gameplay enhancements for the time it was initially released. For the audio section...that is stated in the credits, right? Also where did you get the info for the "release and sales" section? hbdragon88 (talk) 21:39, 8 January 2008 (UTC)
Here's some comments from a skim:
- The lead doesn't summarize the entire article, per Wikipedia:Lead section.
- Watch your tense: "The rendered, three-dimensional backgrounds could not be walked into" should be "The rendered, three-dimensional backgrounds can not be walked into"
- Why is there an audio section if you just present a list of the sound team?
- You've got an entire paragraph dedicated to content rating. Is that necessary?
- "This placed the game fourth for the week; one position lower than Shining Force III: Scenario 1 and one position higher than J-League Winning Eleven 3." Is it really important to say what positions three and five were?
- The references need a bit of work. Never specify format=HTML. Don't put two external links in one reference, as the reader should not have to decide which is the actual reference. For foreign-language references, specify the language parameter. Some references are a simple link—please format those. More references are needed in general. It should be apparent where they are needed, but ask if you need specifics.