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Wikipedia:Peer review/KitKat Crescent/archive1

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KitKat Crescent edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Any improvements that can be made to this page? Any more content in particular? Currently at GA, but would be interested to see if anyone thinks it could reach further. Main problem is probably lacking enough content to include for a higher status to be achieved. Thanks, Mattythewhite (talk) 14:36, 21 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments Hello Matty, I share your concern that perhaps the article is not big enough for FA but I've seen shorter ones than this make it. I've given it a reasonably thorough examination, so here are the things that I noticed.
    • Consider just stating "association football" instead of football in the lead, especially oop north!
    • "it has also hosted a pop concert and a firework display and also an American Football and rugby league match." 3 x and in a short sentence, could do with a bit of work.
    • "relatively inaccessible" - relative to what?
    • "their support" - doesn't flow correctly after talking about the stadium.
    • "Bootham Crescent had been used by York Cricket Club for a number of years. When the cricket club..." a) how long (cite?) and b) can you merge these sentences?
      •   Not done I am unsure how long they occupied the ground, but it mentions that "Cricket had been held at Bootham Crescent for many years. In June 1890, Yorkshire beat Kent by eight wickets on this ground in what remains the only County Championship match played in York."
      •   Done Merged. Mattythewhite (talk) 11:35, 23 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "first big match" - big in what sense? Needs quantifying.
      •   Done Mentioned how they were the first First Division side to visit the ground. Mattythewhite (talk) 11:40, 23 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Link FA Cup on its first use.
    • "third round tie match" - just third round match?
    • "a record attendance" whose record? York's, KK C's, or the league?
    • "air-raid" or "air raid"?
    • " During the war, big crowds came to the ground." a) "big"? b) quantify and cite.
      •   Done Removed. Seems hard to get evidence on how the crowds were actually "big". Mattythewhite (talk) 11:51, 23 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "completed by the late 1940s and early 1950s" - it was completed at a singular point. It can't have been completed over a period of time?
    • "The Main Stand was extended towards Shipton Street in the summer of 1955, which was helped by profits gained..." - the summer was helped? You get what I mean? rephrase.
    • "major FA Cup" according to whom?
    • "They were official switched on in a friendly .." - a) officially and b) switched on for (not in) a friendly...
    • " Shipton Street End" or " Shipton Street end"?
    • "Simeltaneously", "also the addion if a new referee's" - recommend a spell check.
    • "The capacity was reduced in 1994 as the family area of the Main stand was increased, due to popular demand, as well as complying with the recommendations made in the Taylor Report, and 326 seats replaced a standing area, resulting in reduced capacity and also stricter rules concerning the density of people standing as a result of the recommendations made in the Taylor Report after the Hillsborough disaster further reduced capacity." - sentence is too long, starts illogically, repeats Taylor Report and is a little too much for my small brain!
    • " A water tower" - why? For watering the pitch? If so, say something along that line.
    • "relayed" - I suspect relaid is better here!
    • " as the poor quality of the pitch was blamed for the team's poor home form the previous season." - by whom?
    • "A fully stocked and modern club shop " advert warning! A club shop... will suffice.
    • "It is expected to be built on one of the British Sugar, York Central or Nestlé North sites." don't understand this really - British Sugar site? I've got one of those about a mile away and I reckon I'm around 250 miles from York!
    • "A Football League XI side beat the Northern Command 9–2 at the ground in a representative match on October 17, 1942.[8] It held its first Schoolboy International in May 1952, when England, who were captained by Wilf McGuinness, who later became York manager, beat Ireland 5–0 with a crowd of 16,000.[7]" - the other uses section starts badly - the opening sentence doesn't talk about the stadium at all and then the second sentence says "It held..."...
    • " The most recent time ..." not particularly elegant.
    • You could expand on the incredible number of lines going in and out of York station.
      •   Not done Any idea what sources could provide this? Mattythewhite (talk) 12:35, 23 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Double check your references, I've got one dead one - use this page to help!
      •   Done Removed broken links with functioning ones. Mattythewhite (talk) 12:35, 23 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hope that lot helps - I have a feeling that FA could be possible. You need to work more on the prose but I think you've got most of the things that could be covered here. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:40, 22 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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