Wikipedia:Peer review/Kashima Shinden Jikishinkage-ryū/archive1

Kashima Shinden Jikishinkage-ryū edit

The article has been rated a B-class and is quite representative of a series of articles on Japanese Koryu. Comments on this article will problably be reflected in several others and all are appreciated. Format, style, etc.Peter Rehse 07:59, 10 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I submitted the article by request (one of its editors was having some trouble figuring out how) so I will add my suggestions below.Peter Rehse 03:13, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The article covers quite an important style of old school Japanese martial art both in respect to historical imprint and groups engaged in its modern practice. As such, although the introductory section, History and Characteristics cover much I see some room for expansion.
- Citations - there are absolutely no citations which is down right silly since there is quite a bit of information out there. This is the major point keeping the article from GA status and is most easily addressed.
- Listy - this can't be helped in some cases but then with a bit of imagination who knows. The Characteristics section should be completely written in prose and so should Present day practice. The latter is just a listing of cities - seems to take up a lot of room for very little information.
- Pictures - what can I say I like pictures. Get more and don't put the same one up twice as you have.Peter Rehse 03:13, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I believe there is alot of good information in this article but it needs to be more focused for the general public. The "Hōjō" section under "kata" is especially messy in that regard. Other than that this article doesn't site references and I would like it to be incorporated as soon as possible. The "Present day practice"-section needs to be trimmed considerably. I would personally preferr to keep that section to a minimum. Fred26 11:45, 5 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Some cleanup should be done with regard to the founding of the school and how it relates to previous styles, both chronologically, and technique-wise. It is a bit confusing right now. Also, if the founder died in 1524, how can the school be founded in 1570? If this is actually possible, it should be explained to the reader. Bradford44 20:04, 5 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comment The name of the school appears to be written inconsistently. Should it be Jikishinkage-ryu, Jiki Shinkage-ryu, or Jikishin Kage-ryu? Bradford44 15:51, 9 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

(Sorry for late reply.) Well, its confusing...Koryu.com entry uses this version, but another article describing the same art uses Jikishin Kage instead. Going by what is more often found on google I'd say we can use "Jikishinkage-ryu". Fred26 17:19, 14 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Request review Lately many improvements have been applied to this article. I would like to request a review regarding the noted issues of 'refimprove', 'laundrylists' and 'technical'. Of course still some details are under discussion, e.g. certain historical details (+/- 1 year), but the article in general has improved a lot since the last review. Please also advise what needs to be done to promote article rating to GA. SvGeloven (talk) 14:21, 23 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]