Wikipedia:Peer review/Kandake of the Sudanese Revolution/archive1

Kandake of the Sudanese Revolution

I've listed this article for peer review because I want to promoted to GA and would appreciate the feedback

Thanks, FuzzyMagma (talk) 09:38, 27 March 2023 (UTC)

• Hello! I'm investigating using GPT-4 for ChatGPT-assisted article reviews, and have fed it this article for analysis. Here's what it said:

• "The prose is generally clear and concise, but there are a few instances where it could be improved. For example, in the sentence "Salah's white robe, a traditional Sudanese thoub, recalled the dress of female Sudanese protesters against previous dictatorships, as well as that of student protesters who were referred to as "Kandakas" after ancient Nubian queens.", the word "recalled" could be replaced with "resembles" for greater clarity. Here are more example where the prose could be improved:

• Original sentence: "In continuing protests, the army was seen protecting protesters from the security forces on 10 April." Improved sentence: "As protests continued, the army was observed protecting protesters from security forces on April 10."

• Original sentence: "A part of the poem the woman had recited, “The bullet doesn’t kill. What kills is the silence of people”, is a well-known slogan chanted by protestors in January 2018, as well as during earlier protests against the Sudanese government in September 2013." Improved sentence: "A line from the poem recited by the woman, “The bullet doesn’t kill. What kills is the silence of people”, has been a well-known slogan chanted by protestors since January 2018 and even during earlier protests against the Sudanese government in September 2013."

• Original sentence: "Sudanese women played major political roles in Sudanese and Africa-wide human rights struggles since the 1950s via the Sudanese Women's Union." Improved sentence: "Since the 1950s, Sudanese women have played significant political roles in both Sudanese and Africa-wide human rights struggles, primarily through the Sudanese Women's Union."

• Original sentence: "Commentators called the pose "the image of the revolution"." Improved sentence: "Commentators referred to her pose as "the image of the revolution"."

• Original sentence: "Another well-known image of these protests is a photograph by Japanese photographer Yasuyoshi Chiba of Agence France-Presse, showing a young man in Khartoum reciting protest poetry, while demonstrators chant slogans calling for civilian rule." Improved sentence: "Another notable image from these protests was captured by Japanese photographer Yasuyoshi Chiba of Agence France-Presse. It depicts a young man in Khartoum reciting protest poetry while demonstrators around him chant slogans demanding civilian rule."

• Original sentence: "Soudan 2019, année zéro, a book about the Sudanese revolution, was published in 2022, and acted as a visual documents of different stages and social backgrounds of the revolution up to the Khartoum massacre on 3 June 2019." Improved sentence: "Published in 2022, the book 'Soudan 2019, année zéro' chronicles the Sudanese revolution, providing visual documentation of various stages and social backgrounds involved in the movement up until the Khartoum massacre on June 3, 2019."

• Original sentence: "She and Martin Roux co-wrote the book The song of revolt - The Sudanese uprising told by its icon (French: Le chant de la révolte - Le soulèvement soudanais raconté par son icône), which details Salah's personal account of the Sudanese revolution." Improved sentence: "Salah co-wrote the book 'The Song of Revolt - The Sudanese Uprising Told by Its Icon' (French: 'Le Chant de la Révolte - Le Soulèvement Soudanais Raconté par Son Icône') with Martin Roux, providing her personal account of the Sudanese revolution."

Me: "Do you think anything could be added to the article for complete encyclopaedic coverage of this topic?"

• "The article provides a comprehensive overview of the topic, but there are a few aspects that could be expanded or added for a more complete encyclopedic coverage:

• Reception and Analysis: This section could discuss the varied reactions to the photograph, both within Sudan and internationally. It could include opinions from experts in photography, art, and social movements, as well as the general public's response.

• Legacy and Influence: This section could explore how the photograph has been used or referenced in other media, such as art, literature, film, or political movements. It could also discuss the impact the image has had on raising awareness about the Sudanese revolution or inspiring other similar movements worldwide.

• Comparison with other iconic protest photographs: The article could provide a brief analysis comparing the Kandake of the Sudanese Revolution photograph with other iconic protest images, such as "Tank Man" during the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests or the "Napalm Girl" from the Vietnam War. This comparison would help contextualize the photograph within a broader history of protest imagery.

• By adding these sections, the article could provide a more comprehensive understanding of the Kandake of the Sudanese Revolution photograph and its significance within the context of the Sudanese revolution and protest imagery more broadly."

I have no personal opinion about validity or worth of these suggestions; let me know if they were useful for improving the article. Esculenta (talk) 01:25, 28 March 2023 (UTC)

@Esculenta this an amazing feedback. I will work through it and come back for a re-review. Can you tell me how to do similar analysis? FuzzyMagma (talk) 09:21, 28 March 2023 (UTC)

Sure, I use "WebChatGPT: ChatGPT" (use with Chrome) as an extension to GPT4 (it also works with the freely available GPT3.5), and I ask the bot something like "perform a critical analysis of the article "foo" on Wikipedia. I'm still figuring out what prompts to use to get the best feedback, but generally I just ask it natural-language questions, e.g. "Can you provide examples of sentences that could be improved for clarity?"; "is the lead a good summary of the article?"; "Do you see any grammar or spelling mistakes?"; "Do you think anything's missing from the article?"; "Do you think the article meets FAC criteria for excellent prose (I'll paste in the criteria from the WP:WIAFA page to make sure it knows what I'm talking about); etc. Esculenta (talk) 14:50, 28 March 2023 (UTC)

@Esculenta you are awesome! this will be game changer tbh FuzzyMagma (talk) 17:12, 29 March 2023 (UTC)

these were really usefull comments. Thanks FuzzyMagma (talk) 18:48, 29 March 2023 (UTC)

Comments from Z1720

Comments after a quick skim:

• I suggest expanding the lede.
• Per WP:LEDECITE typically the lede doesn't have citations because this information is cited in the article. I suggest removing these.
• I suggest archiving your websites using IABot
• Ref 12: ""EXCLUSIVE: Sudanese spy chief 'met head of Mossad to discuss Bashir succession plan'". Middle East Eye. Retrieved 11 April 2019." Remove the all caps in Exclusive
• References should have the author listed if it is available.

I hope this helps. Z1720 (talk) 01:24, 2 April 2023 (UTC)