Wikipedia:Peer review/Kallmann syndrome/archive1

Kallmann syndrome

I've listed this article for peer review because…

I have been the main editor for this article, it is a subject close to me as I am a patient with the condition.

I would like an experienced editor to look at the article to see how it reads to somebody new to the condition. I would like to raise the standard of the article as high as possible and would welcome any suggestions for improvement. I have followed the rules for medical related articles the best I can and have tried to use current review articles whenever possible. Since Kallmann syndrome is a rare condition the number of review articles available are limited. Thanks, Neilsmith38 (talk) 08:20, 26 January 2018 (UTC)

Comments by Ubedjunejo

Thank you for your input.

• This source says "When associated with anosmia or hyposmia, CHH is termed Kallmann syndrome...". In my opinion, material describing this in the lead should be in the first paragraph. Something like this: Kallmann syndrome (KS) is a genetic disorder that prevents a person from starting or fully completing puberty. It is a form of a group of conditions termed hypogonadotropic hypogonadism. Kallmann syndrome has an additional symptom of a total lack of sense of smell or a reduced sense of sense of smell which distinguishes it from other forms of hypogonadotropic hypogonadism.

Altered.

• The statement The condition is more commonly diagnosed in males than in females should precede mention of Finnish study. Otherwise it is redundant.

Altered.

• If possible, a secondary source, possibly in English, can be given for discovery of link between anosmia and hypogonadism by Spanish doctor, as it will be easier to verify.

Will try to find a English reference for this.

Fixed, I think.

• Table of responsible genes is quite complicated and technical. As a non-specialist in the field, I couldn't understand much. I'm not sure if it should be included.

I am considering whether to have a separate article just for "Genetics of GnRH deficiency" to list the table and cut this down to a few more readable sentences.

• The article needs significant copy editing effort. I have added a tag on the article.

I have not noticed many spelling mistakes on the article. Most of the article has been developed over the years with editing from different people. Do you have examples ?

I have done some fixes in the lead section. You can have a look in history. Similar instances can be found in other sections. Thanks --ubedjunejo (talk) 21:33, 15 February 2018 (UTC)

• Section on history of the condition needs to be moved up. It should be first section, just after the lead.

I am following the suggested layout in the Manual of Style for Medicine related articles. The "History" section is supposed to be near the end of the article unless the disorder is now only of historical interest, when it is then moved higher up.

You are right. Sorry, my mistake.

Regards. ubedjunejo (talk) 00:29, 14 February 2018 (UTC)

Thank you. Neilsmith38 (talk) 20:42, 15 February 2018 (UTC)

It obviously needs a photo

Neil, could you put a picture of a person with more than 21 years on the article? Since you have the condition, I was thinking maybe you could upload your own picture to Commons. Mdob (talk) 10:08, 8 March 2018 (UTC)