Wikipedia:Peer review/Jochen Rindt/archive1

Jochen Rindt

I've listed this article for peer review because I want to bring it to FA. I am grateful for every pointer on what needs to be improved to achieve this rating. I know that I need to bring the Motor Sport magazine references in order, we are currently debating which is the best template for that (web or magazine).

Thanks, Zwerg Nase (talk) 10:56, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Comments by Ugog Nizdast

Not much experience with FAs, but will do my best.

• The lead needs some expansion given the articles size. Four-five sentences ought to do. WP:LEADLENGTH. Try to give weight to each major section of the article.
• Early life and family
  • "Jochen Rindt was born in Mainz, Germany.." Ahem, where's the DOB?
  • "the young Rindt has been described..." I'm not sure about the encyclopaedic nature of this statement. Is it really relevant?
  • I found a couple of mistakes so far, I think it would be good if you make a request at WP:GOCE.
• Beginnings
  • "Rindt entered several rallies... almost all the races he entered.", this sentence is so long, it can be chopped into three smaller ones.
  • "...driving to races...", what do you mean here? racing together and just driving to the race?
  • "While most drivers slowed for the incoming ambulance, he raced ahead between straw bales and the ambulance to take the lead. " something grammatically wrong with this part. I'm not sure what is meant here. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 06:25, 27 February 2016 (UTC)
• "from both heats." is there something that can be linked here?
• "championship, handing the title..." reword to "and the title went"
• "Rindt entered his vehicle with a forward roll ", what's a forward roll?
• "Rindt was able to force Parkes to brake earlier than him...", isn't that cheating? how did he manage to do this?
• "He spun multiple times on the wet track and suffered from a limited-slip differential,", any thing to link here? He spun multiple times and yet kept his lead? put an inline cite here.
• " that many felt could have killed either driver." weasel wording isn't needed usually, if multiple sources says so, it can be stated as fact.
• link "suspension mounted wings" Ugog Nizdast (talk) 12:53, 15 March 2016 (UTC)

Let me know if I should continue, Ugog Nizdast (talk) 06:25, 27 February 2016 (UTC)

Comments by Z105space

General

• You may want to consider adding alt text to images per WP:ALT.

Early life

• "While on skiing vacation," - You're missing the "a" inbetween "on" and "skiing".
• I assume this article should be written in British English as per WP:F1 guidelines? If so "vacation" should be replaced with "holiday".
• "he got kicked out of schools more than once." - Kicked out is informal, please reword this sentence.

Team Lotus (1969−1970)

• " Rindt's friend/manager" - Its better to reword this to "Rindt's friend and manager".
• "Organizers" should be spelt as "Organisers".

Death and legacy

• Milano should be in its English name Milan.

Personal life

• You don't need to spell out the Grand Prix Drivers Association since it is mentioned beforehand.

That's all I could find. I will read this article again and further comments may appear. Z105space (talk) 11:18, 29 February 2016 (UTC)

@Z105space: @Ugog Nizdast: Thank you for your input! I will implement the changes shortly! Zwerg Nase (talk) 10:14, 11 March 2016 (UTC)

@Ugog Nizdast: It would be great if you could give more feedback. Maybe you can find and correct the mistakes you found? Zwerg Nase (talk) 10:20, 11 March 2016 (UTC)