Huskies of Honor edit
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I am submitting Huskies of Honor for peer review with the goal of improving quality so that it can become a featured list. Note that this is my first attempt to create an article from scratch, so all constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. Huskies of Honor is the equivalent of a hall of fame for the Connecticut Huskies men's and women's basketball programs. I used existing featured lists such as Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame as a model for creating this list.
Thanks, –Grondemar 05:21, 11 February 2010 (UTC)
- Comment: Reference 2 would be better at the end of the sentence, and would look tidier than in the middle of the sentence. I don't know if it is appropriate to have a whole section just for a key. I took a look at the article you've used to assist you with this article and that one has many more positions, so looks less empty. I don't know, it just looks wrong. This is only a few comments I had though, not a peer review. Just to add though, the lead is engaging and it is a good list. Calvin (talk) 21:23, 21 February 2010 (UTC)
- I moved reference 2 as you recommended, and agree it looks better. I reviewed a number of the NBA featured lists, and noticed they in general spelled out the full names of the basketball positions throughout the list; I removed the key and replaced the position abbreviations with the full name accordingly. Thanks for the input! –Grondemar 00:35, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This seems comprehensive, well-sourced, reasonably well-illustrated, and has few errors that I could detect. I found and fixed a few minor prose glitches, and I have a few other suggestions about prose and style.
Lead
- Huskies of Honor is a University of Connecticut-sponsored recognition program, similar in concept to a hall of fame, that is designed to honor the most significant figures in the history of the Connecticut Huskies men's and women's basketball programs." - Rather than using such a long string of modifiers of "program", it might be better to re-cast. Suggestion: "Huskies of Honor is a basketball recognition program sponsored by the University of Connecticut (UConn). Similar to a hall of fame, it honors the most significant figures in the history of UConn's men's and women's basketball teams." I'd also suggest avoiding run-on links where possible. Visually, the reader can't tell where one link stops and another begins when multiple links bump together. It would probably be good to add UConn in parentheses here as well.
- How about as follows: "Huskies of Honor is a recognition program sponsored by the University of Connecticut (UConn). Similar to a hall of fame, it honors the most significant figures in the history of the Connecticut Huskies, especially the men's and women's basketball teams." I added especially since one inductee, John Toner, was part of the athletic administration for the entire school and not just the basketball programs; before becoming the athletic director, he was acutally the head football coach. I also clarified this point later in the paragraph where I forgot to note his induction specifically. –Grondemar 06:33, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
- "UConn has enjoyed unprecedented success, winning six national titles, with three of them at the conclusion of an undefeated season." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction. Suggestion: "UConn has enjoyed unprecedented success, winning six national titles, including three during undefeated seasons."
- Sounds good, except maybe a small adjustment: "Under his hand, UConn has enjoyed unprecedented success, winning six national titles, including three at the end of undefeated seasons." You wouldn't really win the national championship during a season as much as at the end of the season because you win the championship by winning the championship game which is the final game of the season. Does that make sense? –Grondemar 06:33, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
- "Men's basketball has been played at the University of Connecticut since 1901, then bearing the predecessor name, Connecticut Agricultural College." - Since 1901 didn't bear the predecessor name, I'd tweak this slightly. Suggestion: "Men's basketball has been played at the University of Connecticut since 1901, when the school was known as Connecticut Agricultural College."
Notes
- "Only includes seasons with the Connecticut Huskies in the listed position." - I had to think about this for a while and look again at the "Position" column to feel certain what it meant. Would "Seasons with the Connecticut Huskies" be more clear?
- The issue is that a few people on the list had other roles with the Connecticut Huskies, such as John Toner serving as the head football coach and Dee Rowe serving for years as a fundraiser after his retirement as the men's basketball coach. I wanted to make clear that the listed seasons were the ones where they held the job listed in the table, rather than any other job at the university. Do you have any suggestions as to a better way to phrase this? –Grondemar 06:44, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
Heads
- Would it be better to shorten "Men's basketball" and "Women's basketball" to "Men" and "Women" to avoid repeating "basketball"? The caption under the Auriemma image explains the only unusual circumstance.
I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 00:09, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you very much for the detailed review!
I'll reply in detail when I get a chance either later today or tomorrow.–Grondemar 00:43, 22 February 2010 (UTC) Above struck since I've replied. Thanks again! –Grondemar 06:44, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
Further Finetooth comment: When you removed the key and changed the tables, it had an unfortunate side effect. The layout probably looks fine on your monitor and it did on mine before the change. Now, however, the tables are so wide that on my laptop monitor the images are displayed by themselves above the tables and next to huge empty spaces. I noticed this same problem recently on another list I was working on, and the fix turned out to be setting the table width to 75 percent rather than the original 80 percent. The other article is List of Drexel University alumni. Finetooth (talk) 02:10, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
- The split positions (i.e. Foward/Center) appeared to be the cause of the issue. I put spaces between the positions and the separating slash, the first space being non-breaking so the slash will stay on the first line. Please review and let me know if this fixed your issue. –Grondemar 06:08, 22 February 2010 (UTC)