Wikipedia:Peer review/Homicidal ideation/archive1

Homicidal ideation edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I am hoping to get some feedback from some other people about it.

I've done a moderate amount of work to produce this page. It started as I was adding to the List of medical symptoms and found no page for homicidal ideation (despite there being one for suicidal ideation). So I created it. I've been working on it pretty much single-handedly up to now. I've discovered that it's more a criminology/forensic psych thing than strictly psychiatry and hence have had to do a fair bit of reading. I initially was going to put lists of theories and get into a lot of stuff there that should probably be on a more dedicated criminology/criminal justice page or have pages of their own.

Thanks, Orinoco-w (talk) 07:09, 30 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article and while a lot of work has gone into it, it needs a lot more work to more closely conform to Wikipedia's Manual of Style. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

A model article is often useful for ideas on style, structure, references, etc. I note that Schizophrenia is a featured article and may be a useful model.
The lead needs to be a summary of the whole article and not contain anything that is not also in the body of the article. My rule of thumb is write the article then make sure all of the section headers are mentioned in the lead somehow. See WP:LEAD*Any chance of a free image or two?
Large sections of the article are currently unreferenced or are oddly referenced. For example, "By-product hypothesis ("slip up" theory)" and "Homicide Adaptation Theory" have no refs. Refs usually come at the end of the sentence or paragraph, and are not in the header. See WP:CITE and WP:V
Do not repeat the name of the article in section headers, so "Theories of Homicidal Ideation" could be "Theories". Also do not repeat a header in a subheader unless needed, so "Homicide Adaptation Theory" would be "Homicide Adaptation" under "Theories". See WP:MOS
The "Associated Psychopathology" section is very short and should either be expanded or combined with another section.
Avoid lists in the article - convert them to prose instead.
Provide complete information for citations - for example ref 1 is a dissertation and should give this data and the University. {{cite web}} and {{cite book}} and the other cite templates may be useful.

Decent start, needs a lot of work to improve it and hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:18, 3 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Ruhrfisch for your constructive comments. I have been giving them thought and will make changes appropriately.

The schizophrenia article is a good read, however schizophrenia is a disease whereas homicidal ideation is a symptom - and one that seems more commonly present in the ABSENCE of disease, as I have been discovering. I had hoped to make use of the suicidal ideation page as a template, but they seem quite different from my reading.
I will need to rewrite the lead. I have been thinking hard about what sort of image I could come up with to exemplify Homicidal Ideation and the closest I can come up with is this image of the Murder of Cassandra: http://www.historyforkids.org/learn/greeks/religion/myths/pictures/cassandra.jpg I would appreciate some pointers as to how to find a free version of this for use in the article.
I will correctly reference the Homicidal Adaptation Theory to be from the J Duntley dissertation (btw, how do I show that it is a dissertation in the cite web? - I make it a cite book and use one of the special fields?)
I will rewrite the lists into prose.
I guess I could pad out the Associated Psychopathology section with blah about how Homicidal Ideation seems to be most commonly not associated with psychopathology at all. I hadn't done this because it seemed to be covered in the Lead, but I guess if the lead should contain the stuff that is covered in the article this is the place to put it.

Orinoco-w (talk) 07:22, 4 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I am not a Psychology expert - sorry I picked a less than apt model. It may still be there is an FA or GA that would be useful. I would use cite book for the dissertation - it has a URL section. Perhaps ask User:Awadewit on properly citing a dissertation. I know she has cited some in some of her FAs. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 01:59, 5 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The dissertation cite looks fine to me. I would use a footnote for (see ICD-10 Chapter V: Mental and behavioural disorders F05). instead of the parenthesis. I also note that WP:MOS says only to capitalize the first word of headers, so "Associated Psychopathology" would be "Associated psychopathology", etc. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:10, 10 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]