Wikipedia:Peer review/History of York City F.C./archive3

History of York City F.C. edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Having recently embarked on a major expansion of the article, I am seeking feedback as I prepare it for WP:FAC. My main concern is regarding prose quality. Otherwise I'm quite happy with the comprehensiveness, referencing and structure, although comments on any aspect of the article are of course welcome. Thanks, Mattythewhite (talk) 19:59, 30 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"...before closing during the First World War." closing might not be the best word here, could read that the club closed.
- Reworded to "before going into liquidation during the First World War". Mattythewhite (talk) 20:51, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"on league reorganisation." following league reorganisation?
- Reworded to "upon league reorganisation". Mattythewhite (talk) 20:51, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Any chance you could name the section rather than just using the years? Not overly necessary, but I feel it would give the reader a better idea of what happened during that specific period.
- These articles do usually use section headings with names in addition to the years, but I'm struggling to think of short titles that provide appropriate summaries. Mattythewhite (talk) 20:51, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"in 19th place in the Midland League..." not sure you need to use Midland League, as it's mentioned earlier
- Removed. Mattythewhite (talk) 20:51, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"York moved to their Bootham Crescent..." their suggests that it was their ground before they started using it. Was this the case? Or do you mean their ground as in current ground?
- Reworded to "York moved to a new ground, Bootham Crescent, in the summer of 1932". Mattythewhite (talk) 20:51, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"A sizeable amount..." is it possible to give a more precise figure? not keen on sizable amount either
- Expanded to "York invested heavily on transfers for the 1956–57 season; £12,000 was spent on transfer fees, which was a sizeable amount at that time". Mattythewhite (talk) 20:51, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"but a poor run of ~~just~~ two"
- Removed. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"return into the Fourth Division"
- May just be personal preference, but I think "into" reads better in this context. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"After starting the 1974–75 season well" should be a comma at the end
- Comma added. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"endured a run of taking one point from a possible 21" -> took one point from a possible 21
- Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"by Premier League Fulham" Premier League team
- Reworded as suggested, although I have found that "[division] [team name] is generally accepted. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"became the youngest manager" would mention how old he was
- Was in the article before I expanded it, but must have accidentally removed it amid all the upheaval! Readded. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

NapHit (talk) 12:33, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the time to review the article. Mattythewhite (talk) 13:36, 20 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]