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Wikipedia:Peer review/Fijación Oral, Vol. 1/archive1

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Fijación Oral, Vol. 1 edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article passed its GAN a couple months ago, and my next goal is to bring the page to FAC. Please review this page based on that criteria, as it will surely make the eventual nomination a much smoother process. Thank you very much in advance! WikiRedactor (talk) 15:20, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Status edit

Lead
Issues:
  • "It was released on June 3, 2005 by Epic Records." → Insert a comma after the release date and before "by Epic Records".
  • "with her third studio effort" → Correction: Laundry is her fifth studio album. I'm not sure about the use of the word "effort". Doesn't really make much sense to use "attaining international success" and "effort" (meaning an attempt) in the same sentence.
  • "Shakira opted to create a Spanish-language project for her follow-up record" → Before this, it should be noted that Laundry is, for the most part, an English record, or else this sentence won't exactly make sense. I'm also not too sure about the wording of this sentence, maybe use "for a follow-up record" instead and replace "create" with "release".
  • "As co-producer, Shakira enlisted collaborators including Gustavo Cerati, Lester Mendez, Luis F. Ochoa, and Jose "Gocho" Torres." → Looking at the credits, she is the main producer of the album, and the others are credited as either a co-producer or an additional producer.

 — Statυs (talk, contribs) 15:59, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

 — Statυs (talk, contribs) 16:08, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Five singles were released from the album." → "Five singles were released to promote Fijación Oral, Vol. 1."
  • "Its lead single "La Tortura" was the only track to chart on the US Billboard Hot 100, peaking at number twenty-three. The follow-up singles "No", "Día de Enero", "La Pared", and "Las de la Intuición" enjoyed moderate success on the Hot Latin Songs, Tropical Songs, and Latin Pop Airplay component charts." → "While "La Tortura", the album's lead single, was the only track to chart on the US Billboard Hot 100, the follow-up singles "No", "Día de Enero", "La Pared" and "Las de la Intuición" enjoyed moderate success on the Hot Latin Songs, Tropical Songs and Latin Pop Airplay component charts."
  • "In November 2005, Shakira released her fifth studio album, the English-language Oral Fixation, Vol. 2, five months after the first volume." → I'm not sure what to suggest, but this sentence needs some work. It is the second volume of the album, so that should be noted, as well as the fact that it is in English.
  • "In December 2006, the albums were reissued as an expanded version titled Oral Fixation, Vol. 1 & 2". → "The two volumes were packaged together in a box set and released as, Oral Fixation, Vol. 1 & 2, in December 2006."
  • "The projects were additionally promoted through the Oral Fixation Tour, which visited several countries throughout 2006 and 2007." → Should be a bit more specific about where the tour visited. Maybe also make a note about the live album release?

 — Statυs (talk, contribs) 17:23, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Completed all corrections up to this point. What do you think of the reworded inclusion of Oral Fixation, Vol. 2? WikiRedactor (talk) 17:47, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'll have to step away from my laptop for a bit, so I'll address additional comments later on. Thank you again for your help! WikiRedactor (talk) 17:50, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Background
Issues:
  • Needs some corrections like we talked about for the lead.
  • She actually worked with Luis F. Ochoa on her previous 3 albums.

 — Statυs (talk, contribs) 17:54, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • I'm not sure what's available, but I'd like to see more information added about both of the volumes in the background section. There's quite a lot of information in this article that I think could be added. It also states that she actually wrote 60 songs for Oral Fixation (not Laundry Service) and decided to make it into two albums because of the large amount.  — Statυs (talk, contribs) 19:08, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I pulled some more information from the references in the section, I'll look for some more sites that have relevant information. WikiRedactor (talk) 16:23, 28 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Much better. One more issue here and we'll move onto the next section.
  • "Shakira commented that the album artworks were inspired by Eve" → It's not necessary to say "Shakira commented".
  • "elaborating that" → "with Shakira elaborating that"

— Status (talk · contribs) 19:19, 30 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Brief comments by Erick edit

Resolved comments from Erick (talk) 19:42, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
*Images need alt text including the album cover.
    • The image of her performing at the tour needs an alt too. Erick (talk) 19:28, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The four million sales needs an "as of" date. Erick (talk) 19:16, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Righty-o. I'll let Zac carry on. :P Erick (talk) 19:42, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comment by Tbhotch edit

Why the credits and personnel section is missed? Tbhotch.™ Grammatically incorrect? Correct it! See terms and conditions. 21:52, 28 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thank you for pointing that out, the section has been added. WikiRedactor (talk) 18:21, 29 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by WonderBoy1998 edit

  • With all its own commercial success and yielding, and "La Tortura" getting a place in the best selling singles of all time, I think Fijacion has a legacy. I think you must put a "Impact and legacy" section or something similar. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 06:37, 11 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I appreciate your suggestion, I'll make sure to include one. WikiRedactor (talk) 20:53, 11 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I just went through the legacy section. It's very very impressively well written, but reads more like a Critical Reception section rather than a legacy one. I think you must add its commercial achievements. I'm sure you were planning too, but just in case ;) --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 18:41, 12 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • WonderBoy1998 just pointed out something I noticed. I notice you mention the bundled set in the lead, but it's not found in the body of the article. It should probably be in the legacy section. Erick (talk) 00:12, 13 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Good idea, I included the set in the legacy section. WikiRedactor (talk) 15:38, 13 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
How's the progress going? Ready to nominate for FA anytime soon? --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 10:34, 24 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The copy-edit has just been completed, and since there haven't been any additional comments posted to the peer review, I think that we're almost ready for a nomination! WikiRedactor (talk) 21:13, 24 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Almost? I'd say you're ready for FAC! Let me know when you nominate it so that I can help out since I contributed to the article as well! =) Erick (talk) 21:29, 24 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Well then if you think we're good to go, then we can go ahead and nominate it! :-) WikiRedactor (talk) 22:16, 24 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Well what you waiting for? Close the PR and let's start the FAC! Erick (talk) 22:20, 24 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
All taken care of! WikiRedactor (talk) 22:29, 24 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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