Family Moving Day edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
While the episode list is being reviewed a third time, I'm thinking that this might be a good article, if nothing else, before this month's over. How close has it come?
(NOTE: This was a "Did you know?" entry back in late February.)
Thanks, Slgrandson (How's my egg-throwing coleslaw?) 02:51, 23 September 2008 (UTC)
Resolved comments: Dabomb87
Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs)
"Everyone is delighted to go, except Periwinkle, who does not easily conform to new settings." I think "adapt" would be a better word than "conform"."He does not announce the plan until some time later, when the seven members come over to the other side of the hill and have a look at their new property."He even finds his new room, which he will share with brother Dandelion, too large for his liking.The package contains this episode, here entitled "Room to Move," and another one called "Carnival." Logical punctuation fixes needed (quotations should be inside comma/period), and I don't like the tone of this sentence ("here entititled").This animated version stays faithful to the book, but with a few alterations..." "but with"-->except for.- Shouldn't this article use international date formatting?
What language is current ref 1 in?Dabomb87 (talk) 03:11, 28 September 2008 (UTC)- If this article is using British spelling, then shouldn't "anymore" be "any more"? Dabomb87 (talk) 22:05, 29 September 2008 (UTC)
Resolved comments: The Rambling Man
- Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)
- Three paras for lead is too many per WP:LEAD.
- "La Famille Passiflore déménage" - the cover image says "La famille Passiflore..." i.e. small f for famille - which is it?
- Gareth Stevens, if worthy, should be stubbed. If not, no red link please.
- Is it worth saying that passiflore is bellflower?
- " he disappears from the others' sight" - a bit odd - he makes himself invisible? I'd be more accurate - I assume he runs away, or hides?
- Perhaps the lead should cover the English and Korean translations?
- "and have a look" - "have a " is redundant.
- Merge a couple of the Story paras - right now you have quite a few short paras which makes for slightly stilted reading.
- "(The series actually debuted with "Slide On", the third in the official show sequence.[2][6])" - I dislike whole sentences in parentheses - if it's worth saying, just say it.
- TV episode - Television episode.
- "11-13" - use en-dash.
Hope some of that helps for the GA push. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:36, 29 September 2008 (UTC)