Wikipedia:Peer review/Earl Cain/archive1

Earl Cain edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to see how this article can be improved for a GAN.

Thanks, Extremepro (talk) 22:06, 20 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Due to the liberal use of commas in the plot summary, it feels rather "breathless". It's almost like an overload of information in as few sentences as possible. As the 'theme' is noted by a reviewer, rather than by the author, it should probably go in the reception section. Also, I am confused by the series - Forgotten Juliet, The Sound of a Boy Hatching, Kafka and The Seal of the Red Ram were collected under the name The Cain Saga, which was followed by the sequel series Godchild... as a whole they're known as Earl Cain? --Malkinann (talk) 00:50, 21 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, the series as a whole is Earl Cain; the first four Series is grouped together makes up The Cain Saga. I think the author herself commented on how confusing it is. :) Kaguya-chan (talk) 18:50, 21 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers. :) I forgot to mention this, but well done on the lengthy and interesting development and reception sections!! :D If you've any French, you might want to try investigating some of these sites, but that would only really be if you're looking for completeness's sake - I don't think you'd need this for GA. The article might fall down a bit on explaining jargon and words to avoid in places, so it might be worthwhile reading through those guidelines. --Malkinann (talk) 00:35, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Is it ok to nom this article for GA now? Extremepro (talk) 03:04, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Malkinann, about the words to avoid. I know the article uses a lot of "notes" (as in this reviewer notes this particular fact). What other word(s) do you suggest using in its place? Kaguya-chan (talk) 19:10, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I don't see your use of "note" to be a particular problem in relation to words to avoid - the guideline is saying that Wikipedia should not "note" something, or lecture on the correctness of whatever. --Malkinann (talk) 20:42, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I personally use "comments" or "feels" and "criticises"/"commends". Extremepro (talk) 23:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Changed 4x "note"(d) to other words. Extremepro (talk) 23:05, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome. (I changed one back though, because the sentence had have two "on"s to make sense and that drove me crazy. :)) I moved the theme section to the reception, too. So, like Extremepro said above, is it okay to nominate it for GA now? Kaguya-chan (talk) 19:51, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'll go ahead and nom it for GA. Be prepared for possibily harsh comments from the reviewers. Extremepro (talk) 22:40, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

That's okay! :) (Went ahead and nominated it). Kaguya-chan (talk) 22:46, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Try and strike the things you have done against my checklist at the bottom of the article's talk page. Extremepro (talk) 22:48, 23 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]