Wikipedia:Peer review/Dangerously In Love/archive1

Dangerously In Love edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I feel there are more things to be done which I can't see for now. After which, I will pass the article to FAC.

Thanks, --Efe (talk) 12:03, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
- What makes http://acharts.us/album/12917 a reliable source?

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 13:20, 26 July 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here.

The lead should be expanded to comply with WP:LEAD - the length of the article seems to imply a three paragraph lead. I also think there needs to be more specifically on the critical reception of the album in the lead.
The article needs a copyedit - one of the criteria for FA is professional writing and this is not there now. For example Knowles had cemented her singing career since Destiny's Child, an R&B group of which she is the centerpiece, dominated the music scene in the late 1990s. mixes tenses (past and present) and the verb cemnted seems odd here. Or With completed forty-three songs—fifteen of which made it to the album[9]—Knowles is credited as co-writer and co-producer.[11] is not grammatical. If you need to find a copyeditor, ask one of the people listed at WP:PRV
Provide context for the reader - is it worth mentioning in the Interpretation section that Jay-Z and Beyonce later married?
The content seems good to me - lots of good information and generally well referenced, nice photos. Can you ask for a music person to review this?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:04, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]