Dan Brouthers edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to eventually get this article upgraded to GA status.
Thanks, Neonblak (talk) 22:32, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article on a player I never heard of. While it seems to have much of the basic information present, it needs a lot of work to get to GA. Here are some suggestions for improvement:
- A model article is often useful as a source of ideas on structure, style, refs, etc. I note that there are many baseball FAs at Category:FA-Class Baseball articles, most of which are about players and so should be decent models.
- The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself - I did not check all of the claims.
- My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but the teams he played for are sections, but not in the lead. Please see WP:LEAD
Done*Article really needs a copyedit for grammar and just ot make sense. Some examples follow (not an exhaustive list):- Done**Lead says One of only three Major Leaguers to ammass 100 career home runs in the 19th century, along with Harry Stovey and Roger Connor. this is a fragment (where's the verb?). It also seems to be contradicted by this from the article body He is tied with Mike Tiernan for fourth among 19th century home run hitters with 106 home runs, and is behind Connor's 138, Sam Thompson's 127, and Stovey's 122.[24]
- Done**I think numbers ten and under are generally spelled out, so He led the league in batting average 5 [five] times, which is a 19th century record, and his career .342 batting average ranks 9th [ninth] all-time. See WP:MOS#Numbers
- Done**The lead never says he left the sport, so his return in the lead When he made his return apearance in 1904, it gave him the distinction of having played Major League baseball in four different decades. is a bit of a surprise.
- Done**Grammar in He was also [an?] active player's union member,
that[who?] was elected vice president of the Brotherhood of Professional Base Ball Players. - Done**First sentence in Early career is a run-on and should be split into two
- Done**Troy section never names the team he played for in Troy (infobox does but the article should too)
- Done**Buffalo section also does not fully name the team (although they are named in the Troy section) and should give an idea early on of how long he played there, perhaps start with something like He was signed by the Buffalo Bisons in 1881 and played for them until 1885. This gave him his first chance to be an everyday player, with the team he had done well against the previous year in Troy. In 1881, his first season, he batted .319, ...
- Done**If it was a record, why did the finish in second place? The team finished with a [team?] record of 87 wins and 36 losses, but finished second to the Chicago White Stockings by only 2.5 games.[11] Provide context for the reader, see WP:PCR
- Done**I believe taht the word meant is "intact", not "in tact" in In 1887, with the team 1886 team in tact,[12] the Wolverines finished in first place, ...
- Done*I would give the date in the caption of the tobacco card for context
- Done*Watch out for peacock language - try to make the article more encyclopedic in tone. Generally the examples themsleves prove the point - Show, Don't Tell and WP:PEACOCK Example immortalized in He is also immortalized in a statue in Veteran's Park in this small town.[28]
- Done*Refs need to be consistent in information provided - why not use James first name as the author, for example. See {{cite book}}.
- Make sure sources are reliable, what makes hickoksports.com. or tripod.com or geocities.com reliable? See WP:RS
- Done*Provide metric as well as English units, most of the world uses metric. For example he was 6'2" and weighed 207 lbs, which was large for 19th century standards.[2]. {{convert}} may help here.
- Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 17:17, 24 June 2008 (UTC)