Wikipedia:Peer review/Corry Tendeloo/archive1

Corry Tendeloo edit

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I request a peer review because I would like to nominate this Good Article as a Featured Article Candidate (FAC). Not being a native speaker I always need help on prose. I would appreciate any help to get the article in such a shape that it is likely to pass at FAC.

Thanks, Edwininlondon (talk) 08:52, 9 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks! Z1720 (talk) 20:22, 16 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Comments edit

Thank you so much again. I'm slowly working my way through the list.Edwininlondon (talk) 21:29, 6 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I did MOS:DASH compliance with this handy script Mujinga (talk) 09:46, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
" then onwards for the" suggest " then for the" Mujinga (talk) 09:47, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"and came up for women's rights issues" suggest "and stood up for women's rights issues" Mujinga (talk) 09:48, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Stamm'ler" with apostrophe? Mujinga (talk) 09:51, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I checked the sources.

thanks for checking! Mujinga (talk) 11:33, 9 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"the legal position of women.[3][6] She also volunteered as legal advisor to people unable to pay and as such encountered cases involving women’s legal inequalities" - three "legals" in quick succession, can one be changed? Mujinga (talk) 09:51, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
wow Tendeloo is very cool, enjoying reading about her Mujinga (talk) 09:52, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Tendeloo was chosen to take Betsy Bakker-Nort's seat, a feminist with whom Tendeloo felt a kinship and who became a member of parliament for the VDB in 1922 following her involvement in the women's suffrage movement.[2][15][16]" suggest something like "Tendeloo was chosen to take Betsy Bakker-Nort's seat. The latter was a feminist Tendeloo admired, who became a member of parliament for the VDB in 1922 following her involvement in the women's suffrage movement.[2][15][16] Mujinga (talk) 09:56, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"discarding women at their earliest convenience" - "discarding women at its earliest convenience"? Mujinga (talk) 09:56, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"during which she worked on the definition of a new civil code" - "during time which she worked on the definition of a new civil code"? Mujinga (talk) 09:59, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"which later became known as the Motion Tendeloo" - I'd like Motion Tendeloo to be mentioned in original language as well, here and in lead. Motie Tendeloo of zoiets? Mujinga (talk) 09:59, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"CPN, and VVD" - link both Mujinga (talk) 10:11, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Het Vrije Volk reported the next day that if the ten absent members had voted, the motion would still have passed, by a 52—48 vote" why? i don't understand how the VV knows which way people would vote Mujinga (talk) 10:11, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Looks like they asked them

thanks for checking! Mujinga (talk) 11:33, 9 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"At many opportunities throughout her tenure in parliament did Tendeloo raise the issue of inequality in the workplace" suggest "At many opportunities throughout her tenure in parliament Tendeloo raised the issue of inequality in the workplace" Mujinga (talk) 10:08, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
- ah could also do an interlanguage link to Motie-Tendeloo in NL, which of course raises the question do you want to do this for other things as well ..

I added a few, but I don't think the one for the motion s needed. It's covered here

- - oh gosh this leads me into deeper waters because on NL wiki it's Vereniging van vrouwen met hogere opleiding (VVAO) not Nederlandsche Vereeniging van Vrouwen met Academische Opleiding as you have here. weird. also Nederlandsche Vereniging voor Vrouwenbelangen en Gelijk Staatsburgerschap for Nederlandsche Vereeniging voor Vrouwenbelangen en Gelijk Staatsburgerschap

I checked a few sources for the name during her time. I added a footnote to explain the name change. There are some spelling reforms that happened since the 50s, reducing Vereeniging to Vereniging etc.

"partly instituted on the principal grounds that her place was with the family" suggest chopping out principally or "partly instituted on the grounds that her place was principally with the family" Mujinga (talk) 10:07, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"during the depression" i'd suggest "during the Great Depression" Mujinga (talk) 10:07, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"aimed to please the Christian members of parliament." suggest "aiming to please" or "aimed at pleasing" Mujinga (talk) 10:12, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
stopping here for now, enjoying reading very much! Mujinga (talk) 10:56, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Comments2 edit

"The husband no longer is automatically right about everything and the wife's subordination is a thing of the past!" not sure if this quote needs blockquoting, and i do think it needs context eg Whilst at XX Tendeloo celebrated by saying ... Mujinga (talk) 12:21, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"become the law" - suggest become law. Mujinga (talk) 12:21, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"it must have given her great satisfaction to see just before she died the appointment" suggest "it must have given her great satisfaction just before she died to see the appointment " Mujinga (talk) 12:25, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Following the second wave of feminism" - "During the second wave of feminism"?
""Frappez, frappez toujours!", which translates into "Repeat, repeat making your point!"[24]" - i think this is more along the lines of Fight, always fight! but it would be much better to ask a native French person, maybe one will pop up Mujinga (talk) 12:25, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

OK, let's wait and see.

"Tendeloo deployed the techniques the male members of the House used: first stating one has listened with great interest to the speaker, next one agrees with what was said, then stating one has just an addition, followed by sharp critique. Tendeloo said she could only be taken seriously in parliament if she did it this way" suggest rephrasing
Would be awesome to have a pic of the bridge named after her Mujinga (talk) 12:28, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Publications - any ISBNs? Mujinga (talk) 12:21, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think they existed yet.

in the references, I would imagine Oprechte Haarlemsche Courant, Het Parool, Leidsch Dagblad, HVV, Algemeen Dagblad should all be italicized, being newspapers Mujinga (talk) 12:17, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
- Also wikilink Leidsch Dagblad. Also De Volkskrant or de Volkskrant but not both Mujinga (talk) 12:17, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
I'll stop there. Thanks for a great article! If you are interested in another inspiring woman, I've put Olive Morris up for peer review, but obviously no pressure on that. Cheers and good luck with this article Mujinga (talk) 12:30, 28 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I have addressed all your points. Thank you very much for improving the article. Much appreciated. Edwininlondon (talk) 18:55, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

nice one, all the best with the article. feel free to drop me a line when it's at FAC. Mujinga (talk) 11:34, 9 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]