Wikipedia:Peer review/Cornelius P. Rhoads/archive1

Cornelius P. Rhoads

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it was primarily written by a small group of contributors and could be copyedited and improved to incorporate the information presented in a smoother way.

Thanks, Andrevan@ 21:00, 6 February 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• There's no images in the article - is there a picture of Cornelius or perhaps one of the places where he did most of his work that could be used?
• You have a disambig link to Memorial Hospital
• You have a couple dead links that look like they could be easily replaced; specifically, "Consider the Source" and "A History of Secret U.S. Government Programs"
• You have some raw URLs as references, can you add more information to these?
• All websites need access dates.
• Can the representation in popular culture section be converted to paragraphs? In bullet-points it seems too much like a trivia section.
• The intro should touch a little more on the New York and WW2 section.
• "Rhoads was born June 20, 1898, in Springfield, Massachusetts, the son of a physician." Springfield was the son of a physician? This needs to be reworded.
• "Rhoads became an intern at Peter Bent Brigham Hospital, where he caught pulmonary tuberculosis." needs to be linked to the disease and a bit of clarificiation.
• "...in 1931 as part of the Rockefeller Foundation's sanitary commission there (later the International Health Board)." what? Can this be restructured? A general rule of thumb in writing is if you need to use parentheses, the information in them would be better off in an actual sentence, or not included at all.
• "...succeeding James Ewing, a noted oncologist." Noted for what? That little 'a noted oncologist' bit could probably be removed entirely.
• "He has been accused of involvement with the radiation experiments performed on prisoners during World War II." By who?
• The post-war section and last years section are both extremely brief. Could they be merged?
• "The mercantile monopoly is backed by the financial monopoly... The United States have mortgaged the country to their own financial interests. The military intervention destroyed agriculture. It changed the country into a huge sugar plantation..." this direct quote (and all the others in the article) need citations immediately after their inclusion.
• You need to use citations a little more liberally.

That's it for now. --TKK ^{bark !} 00:08, 27 February 2013 (UTC)