Wikipedia:Peer review/Black Eyed Peas discography/archive1

Black Eyed Peas discography

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i have been working on improving the article recently. The sourcing, formatting, prose etc and would like some further ideas on how to improve the article. There was a previous FLC discussion in which there was unresolved issues, these have now all been sorted.

Thanks, Mister sparky (talk) 00:18, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: No big problems leap out at me. I have just a few suggestions of a nit-picky sort, and they will be easy to deal with.

Lead

• The Manual of Style generally deprecates extremely short paragraphs. I'd suggest merging the one-sentence orphan with paragraph 2.

• "The band's debut album, Behind the Front, was released by Interscope Records in the United States in June 1998. The album was well received, gaining a four-star review by Allmusic,[1] but only managed to chart lowly in the United States and France." - I'd suggest flipping the first sentence to active voice and re-casting the second to make it more direct. Suggestion: "Interscope Records released the band's debut album, Behind the Front, in the United States in June 1998. Although the album got a four-star review from Allmusic, it remained low on the charts in the US and France."

• "In June 2003 the band released their third album... " - If "band" is singular, then you'd write "its album" rather than "their album"

• "It spawned their two highest-peaking Hot 100 singles at the time... " - If the band is an "it", this one should be "its two highest-peaking".

• "The Black Eyed Peas released their fifth studio album... " - This one is trickier because "Peas" looks plural but might not be. I'd consider ducking the awkwardness by using "the group" instead of "Black Eyed Peas"; i.e., "The group released its fifth studio album... ".

• The next one could be ducked too if written as "It quickly became Black Eyed Peas' most successful album in the US by reaching number one."

• The last one, "making it their first US number-one hit", could become "making it the band's first US number-one hit." All of this nit-picky stuff is meant to work around the awkwardness of whether a band or group is one thing or two or more things.

References

• I'd suggest changing BLACK EYED PEAS in citation 23 to title case, Black Eyed Peas, even though the source has it in all caps.

• Citation 15 has its date formatting backwards.

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 23:22, 11 November 2009 (UTC)

heeeey, thank you soooo much for your comments :) Mister sparky (talk) 00:21, 19 November 2009 (UTC)