Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of Arras (1917)/archive1

Battle of Arras (1917) edit

Recently passed a project A-Class review through WP:MILHIST, and I am hoping to advance this to FAC in (relatively) short order. All comments and criticisms welcome and appreciated, especially those with an eye towards the FA criteria. Carom 04:52, 8 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I have a few comments that I hope are of some use, and are mostly related to the organizational flow. Please don't take them too negatively as the article has good content.

To me the introduction doesn't satisfy the Wikipedia:Lead section guidelines as a concise, stand-alone overview of the article. The second paragraph of the lead belongs in the Overview section. The first three paragraphs of the Overview section begins with the battle already over, and they look like they belong in the lead section. A number of the subsequent sections consist of only a single paragraph; some of which are quite long (which makes for more tedious reading). This organization results in a table of contents that is much longer than necessary.

Thank you. — RJH (talk) 16:51, 13 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

After a few abortive attempts to address your comments, I've made a few changes to the first part of the article. Hopefully the lead and dirst section fit together a little more logically now; let me know if (and how) you think it can still be improved. Regarding your second point, I'm not entirely sure how to address this. I believe you are referring to the short paragraphs on the local actions subsequent to the initial offensive. I don't believe these actions should be folded together, as they are generally treated individually in both the primary and secondary literature. Any suggestions on how this might be reworked? (Thanks for your comments, by the way). Carom 00:43, 19 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Article has been moved to Battles of Arras (1917) for the obvious reason.LeadSongDog 17:01, 4 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]