Wikipedia:Peer review/Azumanga Daioh/archive1
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Azumanga Daioh
I would like people to comment on content value, general interest, out-universe and manual of style prose and anything else that the editors of this article have missed. --Squilibob 03:21, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- (After only a cursory reading:) Don't know if you've already dismissed these, but you can find some more DVD reviews at AnimeNewsNetwork, THEM Anime Reviews, and SciFi.com. On a larger note, I'm torn on my hobby-horse suggestion that plot and character sections be merged: there really isn't much of a plot per se in Azumanga, but at the same time, it seems like some discussion of story elements could be used to tease out character elements in a meaningful way. Perhaps an amalgam of Plot, Places, and Differences could lay the basis for a unified synopsis? At the very least, would it be possible to move most of the Character section to its own article per summary style? That character section is awfully long. Moving on. The biggest content-hole is production. The DVDs are worthless in that regard, but a Google search reveals that Newtype-USA did an article "Inside J.C. Staff" about animating Azumanga in Feb. 2004, and a whole slew of other bits around then. As it stands, I think combining "Title Origins" and "Hoax" sections would be a good first step towards a Production section. The hoax should also probably be mentioned in the lead. The screen-saver bit strikes me as unencyclopedic, and the dojin video game a borderline case. (I believe the language of that section's source is Spanish.) Cosmetic issues: I don't think character names should be italicized like they are in Plot and occasionally elsewhere; it might be better to have the episode-list link under Plot instead of its own section; since Ayamu is generally known as Osaka in the show, shouldn't that be her primary designation in Characters?--Monocrat 05:07, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- Thanks you've been very thorough. I had omitted the ANN review on purpose as there are quite a few references to ANN in the article already and left out THEM as I haven't read that review. I like your idea of combining Plot, Places, and Differences though I'd probably make them subsections instead of joining them together somehow. If the character section is too long then it can be moved, though the main character's pages may make it a List of Azumanga characters page redundant or vice versa. I had seen that Newtype article on Newtype USA's website, but I don't subscribe to it and so I can't reference it at all. The Production section is a good idea and should happen. I had separated the unofficial games from the official games, knowing that they would come under scrutiny. I'll see what similar articles have done with that. I had also separated the screensaver thinking that if it were scrutinized then it could be removed easily, but another editor has referenced it now and I may see if it's worthy of keeping. I only just italicised Yomi and Osaka today thinking that the opposite would be said; they are nicknames and should be italicised while given names are not. Thanks for your input, seems like I have a lot to do. --Squilibob 05:34, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- Glad to help. I think Nihonjoe might have some resources relating to Newtype-USA, and if it comes to it, I have some access to most issues. One way to deal (i.e., defer problems) with the other media would be to convert the episode-list into a media=list. I'm fond of that option because it seemingly makes the episode-list itself more encyclopedic. I think, though, that the screensaver and game might eventually come under the axe. :)--Monocrat 22:07, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- I think that may need to be done, although I think that the official games can stay as an excerpt from the List of Azumanga Daioh media article while the rest can be moved. Someone else may come along and add something from Newtype. --Squilibob 11:16, 18 December 2006 (UTC)
- Glad to help. I think Nihonjoe might have some resources relating to Newtype-USA, and if it comes to it, I have some access to most issues. One way to deal (i.e., defer problems) with the other media would be to convert the episode-list into a media=list. I'm fond of that option because it seemingly makes the episode-list itself more encyclopedic. I think, though, that the screensaver and game might eventually come under the axe. :)--Monocrat 22:07, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- As an outsider to the anime-manga world, I'll make general comments. First, the "Reception" section. It's in bullet form; paragraph style is preferable. Also, I don't know who the three people the article quotes are: Fred Patton, Chris Beveridge, Andrew Sheldon. A word about why readers should care how those three received it would be enlightening. And, there is no information about reception in Japan, so either renaming the section to indicate the contents, or broadening the coverage, would make title and subject matter match. Readers might be interested in knowing about reception in other parts of the world, too, if any information is available. Judging from the number of links to articles on Wikipedias in other languages, including a featured article, I'd guess there's something to say about it.
- Names are sometimes in normal type, sometimes in italics, sometimes in quotation marks. This is puzzling.
- Sentences with excessive explanation like "She loves cats, but for some strange reason cats always bite/scratch her - in particular, the grey one she calls Kami-neko (lit. God Cat/Biting Cat, depending on the kanji Or Gray-Cat / Spirit-Cat, for a more indirect translation)." really need editing. The entire expression in parentheses should be removed; we don't need a translation of a cat's name, nor do we need two, together with a discussion of the merits of each. Perhaps we don't even need its name. The slash expressions should also be removed. Wouldn't "She loves cats, but cats don't like her." be enough?
- The name "Yuu Asakawa" is linked to an article with the title "Yu Asakawa" and the Japanese "Yū Asakawa." Wikipedia's style convention for Japan-related articles is the last. Likewise, "Doujin" links to the article "Dojin soft" which has the Japanese "Dōjin soft." The article uses Wikipedia style for Masumi Itō and some others.
- The section "Differences between manga and anime" strikes me as trivial in comparison to the rest of the article. Why not remove the section and move the few interesting tidbits to other places in the article.
- In "Places," the explanation of Chiyo Mihama's house "(in Japan a "mansion" is an apartment complex)" is out of place. The word is used several screens earlier.
- An unofficial Japanese computer game has an English name, a Japanese name, a transliteration of the Japanese name, and an English nickname. This is a bit much for unofficial software. Why not move all the unnecessary stuff to the talk page. That way, it's easily accessible without interfering with the article.
- The "See also" section with a single link to an article that a character uses in one episode should be removed.
- These are one editor's opinions. I hope they help improve the article. Fg2 07:06, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- Thanks Fg2, I have taken Monocrat's and your suggestions and implemented them. I may just have to move the characters' section to a new article and summarize it. The unofficial games and screensaver may have to be omitted in future, if they cause problems with verifiability. --Squilibob 14:44, 16 December 2006 (UTC)
- I haven't decided whether to rename the reception section or to try and find some Japanese reviews. This section isn't important until the article undergoes some sort of nomination and either way it will need to be expanded. --Squilibob 11:16, 18 December 2006 (UTC)