Wikipedia:Peer review/Andover F.C./archive2
Andover F.C. edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for another peer review because it failed its GA nomination and I'd like to see if there's anything else that needs catching or adding (apart from one or two missing refs) before renominating it.
Thanks, Bettia (talk) 10:26, 14 May 2008 (UTC)
Overall, this is looking quite good. Some comments:
- There is a certain degree of "proseline" — there is a tendency to start paragraphs with "In year, x and y happened", which gets repetitive.
- I've gone through this quickly to weed out the more obvious examples. Will go through it again when time allows.
- The second sentence of the lead is far too long, at over 60 words. There are also some other sentences which need splitting, such as the last sentence in the "early years" subsection.
- Done. Again, I've gone through the whole article quickly to fix any more obvious examples.
- In the 2007–08 season, they finished nineteenth out of 22 teams and attracted an average home attendance of 146, representing a 12.3% decrease over the previous season. A change in average attendance for an individual season is far too specific for inclusion in the lead. I don't like the precision to which the figure is quoted either. In this case a change of 0.1% represents one sixth of a person. Changing it to the absolute decrease ("a decrease of 20") would be more meaningful.
- Done. Removed from lead, and replace percentage with proper figure as suggested.
- they are sometimes known as The Loonies due to Andover's infamous workhouse - "infamous" is an example of a peacock term.
- Done. I'll go through the whole article more thoroughly to see if there are any more.
- When I tried them, all the Andover Football Club Results Archive links were dead.
- My bad, the pagenames were typed incorrectly. All fixed now.
- The list of club officials is overkill. Anyone other than the chairman or manager is too minor to be worthy of inclusion.
- Done, but I've kept the club secretary in as these guys are usually important to any club.
- They also put the memory of the previous season's cup final drubbing by winning the Hampshire Senior Cup for the sixth time, beating Havant & Waterlooville 2–0 at The Dell. something missing here.
- Yes, that'd would be "behind them".
- upon the restart they resumed life in the North Division - beware of informal terms. While suitable for a magazine article, they should not be used in a formal encyclopedic context. Football clubs are not alive, so "life" is inappropriate here. twelve supporters of the club joined ranks and Dubbed the '100 Club are other examples.
- Examples fixed. I'll go through the whole article more thorough to look for any more.
- A couple more images would be beneficial, even if its just the interior of Portway Stadium.