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Wikipedia:Peer review/An Ideal World/archive1

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An Ideal World edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want advice on how to fix any issues, particularly with prose. Comments regarding information I might want to add would also be appreciated. Overall, I'd like to know what I should do in order to get this article ready to be a GA nomination.

Thanks, WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 15:20, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is generally clear and informative, verifiable, stable, and neutral. I have a few suggestions about prose and style and a couple of suggestions for possible expansion.

Lead

  • "An Ideal World was licensed by various other companies and released simultaneously as the originally publisher." - I'm not sure what this means. The next sentences suggest that several versions or translations were released at different times rather than simultaneously.
    • I've changed it so that it's clear the series was published between 2006 and 2007. WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 21:49, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "An Ideal World follows the struggles of A You, a young man who believes he has no luck and doesn't attempt to succeed in life, despite others advising him to take control and that his view on life directly affects luck." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "An Ideal World follows the struggles of A You, a young man who, believing he has no luck, doesn't attempt to succeed in life even though others advise him to make his own luck."
  • "After waking up, A You stumbles across an old man's house, who sends him to an alternate world so that he may resolve his troubles." - Suggestion: "After waking up, A You happens upon the house of an old man, who sends him to an alternate world so that he may resolve his troubles."
  • "An Ideal World garnered mixed reception from Western critics, with criticism drawn mainly from its beginning, and praise from the overall story, artwork, and themes." - Suggestion: An Ideal World garnered mixed reception from Western critics, who objected mainly to the beginning and praised the overall story, artwork, and themes."

Plot

  • "A You enjoys his time away and takes shelter in a large tree when it begins to rain." - Does he shelter in the tree or under the tree?
    • I think either might be technically correct. The book is packed away because we're painting, but I'll check out the artwork when I find it. I believe the tree was completely hollow and he crawled inside of it, or beneath it between the roots. I'll change it to coincide with the artwork and mention that the tree is hollow. WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 21:49, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

  • "An Ideal World has received mixed reviews from Western critics, with praise directed towards the book's artwork and latter half, but garnering criticism from its beginning." - Suggestion: "An Ideal World has received mixed reviews from Western critics, who praised the book's artwork and second half but did not like the beginning."

References

  • In citation 1, instead of IDEAL WORLD in all caps, Wikipedia should use its own house style, Ideal World, even though the source uses all caps.
  • In citation 3, a single page should be abbreviated p. rather than pp.
  • The others look fine to me.

Other

  • The image needs alt text, meant for sight-impaired readers. WP:ALT has details.
  • No dead links, no dabs; that's good.
  • Can anything be added about the author and illustrator? Is their work well-known? What other work have they done?
    • I can use information provided by the English edition, and I believe some of my sources discuss other works. I'll look at them. Their work is well known to an extent; according to the Yen Press volume, comics weren't very popular in China until more recently, and the artists really helped with that. WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 21:49, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can anything be added about the commercial success of An Ideal World? How many copies were sold? How did its sales compare to similar works?
    • Unfortunately, I doubt it. Very little manhua is sold outside of China, with maybe the exception of France, and I don't see much sales reporting going on in either country (regarding manhua, in any case). I'll look around, though. WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 21:49, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:38, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for all your help! It was definitely useful. WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 21:49, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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