Wikipedia:Peer review/2016 Australian school bomb threats/archive1

2016 Australian school bomb threats

I've listed this article for peer review because I have noted that a lot of information has been added over the past few weeks. I would love to see the value of this article improved for the benefit of the Wikipedia community.

Thanks so much! ZP 64 (talk) 04:23, 17 November 2020 (UTC)

Hi ZP 64! I have reviewed this document with a focus on clarity of language and readability. I have not fact-checked the article, that is, I have not looked at the reference to see if the article's information is supported nor have I looked to see if any information is missing.

• I have rearranged the header, focusing each paragraph on one subject, and making it so that the culprit is at the start of a paragraph and so easier for a reader to find.
• Consider adding to first paragraph in heading specific details about how many schools were threatened or how many calls were made.
• What does "UZ" stand for? It is used in the header. In general, spell out acronyms at their first use (or at least make them a link to an article that explains them).
• Use plainer English where possible. As an example, instead of "were of low likelihood to be" say "were unlikely to be"; instead of "quintessential", say "key".
• Date ranges use an en-dash, not a hyphen (5–11 February, not 5-11 February).
• Headers of sections and subsections do not have title case, just sentence case. You also don't need to format them to be bold, they are automatically formatted.
• Avoid starting sentences with digits, if possible. It can make it harder for a reader to find the start of a sentence if there is no capital letter at its start.
• It's not really apparent in the article how Kadar was identified and captured. If this is known I would add this to the "Arrest and sentencing" section.
• I don't understand why there is a section on the general motivations of those making bomb threats. I would remove that.
• "In the same period as the threats made against Australian schools (early 2017), a number of bomb threats were made to Jewish community centres..." but the Aus school threats were in 2016, not 2017?
• "Following these school bomb threats, literature has been published..." Who published this literature?
• Studies have shown that schools in Australia..." but there is only one citation. Do you mean "A study..."?
• The syntax of the references is broken. In almost all cases a person cannot click on the links. I recommend you replace all of the references with the automatic reference generator, which ensures everything will be properly formatted in Wikipedia syntax.

Based on what I have seen I have raised the quality rating of this article to C-class. If a review of the sources showed that all facts are well sourced and nothing is missing from the article, I could see this going to B-class or higher.

HenryCrun15 (talk) 02:16, 19 November 2020 (UTC)

Hi HenryCrun15! Thank you so much for these suggestions, I would agree with all of them. I have started to apply some of the minor edits from this list, and will continue to work on the article shortly! Thanks again. ZP 64 (talk) 02:40, 20 November 2020 (UTC)