Wikipedia:Peer review/2008 Barack Obama assassination scare in Denver/archive1

2008 Barack Obama assassination scare in Denver

This peer review discussion has been closed.
It's been the required two weeks since this article failed to pass at FAC. Most of the problems voiced at the time seemed to relate to prose issues. I've done some cleaning up myself, but I wanted to bring it forward for a peer review before I went back to FAC. Comments on any prose issues, and/or anything else that you feel might come up at a FAC review, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! — Hunter Kahn 02:32, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

• The allegeds are a bit silly; like passive voice but for epistemology.
• 'where they mistakenly believed Obama was staying (in fact, Obama was staying at another Denver hotel)' - redundant.
• 'Federal authorities began an investigation into the trio after they made alleged racist threats against Obama while taking methamphetamine in the hotel room.' Do the Feds routinely hang out in methhead bull sessions?
• What day was this anyway?
• 'Gartrell was driving to buy cigarettes when he was arrested at about 1:30 a.m. on August 24.' Why was he arrested then? Where are we in time from the meth?
• 'what appeared to be methamphetamine' - surely we know by now?
• 'The truck contained enough drug-making equipment for the vehicle to be considered "a mobile lab".' This some sort of legal definition or finding?
• 'However, Johnson also told the reporter he came to the conclusion that there was assassination plot only after'; I accidentally the whole article.
• 'massive arsenal'? My parents own more guns than are listed in the Arrests section!
• May be worth mentioning Dr. Boone is of a black university; I rather disagree with his assessment and was not surprised to see what kind of university he was from.
• May want to sectionize Histories - that in effect 2 small bios.
• 'Comparison' could benefit from identifying who was suggesting the conspiracy theories.
• 'snet' --Gwern (contribs) 22:49 22 January 2010 (GMT)