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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Virginia/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 00:50, 16 April 2008.

Virginia edit

Self-nomination after good article status and three peer reviews. Patrick Ѻ 12:04, 11 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 21:41, 12 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • What makes http://www.statemaster.com/index.php a reliable source?
  • Can we get a newer source than the Jewish Encyclopedia from 1901?
  • What makes this http://www.baconsrebellion.com/Issues04/08-09/index.html a reliable source? Looks like an opinion site to me, but it is used to source "Modern Virginia culture is a subculture in the wider culture of the Southern United States, though it shows elements of the North as well as the South. Although the Piedmont dialect is one of the most famous with its strong influence on Southern American English, a more homogenized American English is favored in Northern and urban areas."
  • And http://www.techsideline.com/home?
  • What makes http://www.adherents.com/ a reliable source?
    • All the other links checked out with the link checker. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:57, 11 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Right, I'll look into finding what we can. Some of those I would trust, like adherents and netstate because of their effort to source all their information. The Jewish Encyclopedia was the better of two alternatives, and seeing that its sourcing a 18th century date, I don't know what a newer source does for us. Likewise, the CE cites the movement of the capital, for which I find it reliable. Still, I'll have a look through tonight.--Patrick Ѻ 09:37, 12 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Okay, so the only sites listed above currently used in the article are the Jewish Encyclopedia, adherents.com, techsideline.com, and baconsrebellion.com. Baconsrebellion.com has a source from Kansas University following it, that would give some coverage, but the article is not really an opinion piece. Other sentences have been changed to follow from the source, such as the top tourist destination and the Scots-Irish. Hope this helps.--Patrick Ѻ 21:27, 12 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Statemaster.com is used for their statistics in Minnesota and Oklahoma, the two US state featured articles, which I looked to for some sources. Data have government sources listed, and I will see if I can locate the original source, though I don't believe it is necessary.--Patrick Ѻ 22:11, 12 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment Per policy, images should be properly placed within sections to not sandwich texts. --Efe (talk) 07:56, 13 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Oppose—1a, 2a, POV. Prose issues throughout; puffery in the lead and elsewhere. Is it from the governor's public relations department?

    • Right at the top, this sentence contains two quite separate ideas: population and area. A comma is needed: "Virginia is the 12th-most populous state in the U.S. with over 7.7 million residents and the 35th largest in area."
    • "the third largest state highway system"—I didn't follow up the source (shouldn't have to): does this mean in terms of road-length? Traffic flow? Highway length per capita?
    • This claim that the V govt is the most efficient—um, I've learnt to be suspicious of reports such as the one this is based on (Governing Magazine and the Pew Center on the States): who knows whose pockets who is pissing in. Of course the Governer praised the report. And what exactly does "efficiency" mean? The explanation in the source doesn't convince me that a sweeping claim such as that should be made, let alone in the lead.
    • "Virginia has a diverse economy with several important industries, from the federal government in Northern Virginia and military bases in Hampton Roads to the many agricultural areas." Um, government offices, military bases and a bit of agriculture doesn't sound like "a diverse economy" to me. OK, you let more out of the bag later in the para, but the sentence doesn't hold up well as a stand-alone topice-theme at the opening of an important para. "The many agricultural areas"? Have you mentioned them in the preceding part of the lead? Why "the"?
    • More puffery in the lead: top ... leading ... strength ... large ...

    At random: "thirty-fifth largest state"—so there are at least 35 largest states? Why not "35th-largest"? "does not extend past the low-water mark of the southern shore of the Potomac River, meaning Maryland and"—don't like "meaning" here.

    Please find collaborators from the edit histories of good articles on similar topics. TONY (talk) 15:23, 13 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    This article needs a rework to qualify for among our best work.

    Thank you for your criticism, it does mean more coming from good editors. I will correct the issues raised as well as I can on FAC. I do understand the lead should be a short summary of the article best points, and need not exist in vacuum, though the language can be toned town. However, if I misunderstand you on this next point, please correct me: are you insinuating the the Pew Center on the States, part of the Pew Research Center and run by the same folks as The Pew Charitable Trusts, is not to be trusted for their research because of bribery? I think that's quite unfounded.--Patrick Ѻ 11:41, 14 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Object 1a - I have been sampling the "Health" section and have changed one sentence with an obvious problem. Other problems
    "Notable examples include Inova Fairfax Hospital, the largest hospital in the Washington Metropolitan Area, the Medical College of Virginia (MCV), the medical school of Virginia Commonwealth University, which is home to the nation's oldest organ transplant program, and the University of Virginia Medical Center, part of the University of Virginia Health System, which according to U.S.News & World Report has the eight ranked endocrinology specialty in the nation, and the best in the South." - very very long sentnece
    "Virginia is twenty-third among United States in both percentage of residents who exercise and in the rate of pre-mature deaths" -> "Virginia is the 23rd ranked state in the pre-mature deaths and percentage of people who exercise."
    MOS - use 23rd 25th etc. Also, does 1st in this instance mean most deaths or least deaths?
    Is that private health insurance?
    "Virginia is unique among most states" - can't be unique if it is only unqiue among most...also move "as of 2007" to the front.

    I am expecting further roughage in the rest of the article. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 07:13, 14 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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