Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Mumia Abu-Jamal/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 04:56, 3 September 2007.

Mumia Abu-Jamal edit

Interesting story. Very pleased with copyediting, referencing, presentation of citations, image content. Has attained stability and neutrality. Not aware of any transgressions against Manual of Style expectations. Well-hyperlinked.TruthHider 05:24, 2 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Don't use words like "presently undefined" in the lead section. --Kaypoh 05:29, 2 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Some of the article - especially the 2001 Federal ruling directing resentencing is very hard to read. He ordered the State of Pennsylvania to commence sentencing proceedings anew within 180 days[91] and ruled that it was unconstitutional to require that a jury's finding of the existence of a mitigating factor with regard to sentencing be a unanimous one in relation to one or more such factors discretely named on a checklist provided at the outset of deliberations - how is someone supposed to parse this sentence? Also, District Attorney Lynne Abraham has stated that the case was the "most open-and-shut murder case" she'd ever tried - was she, in fact, the prosecutor in the trial? If so, this should be stated explicitly. Raul654 05:56, 2 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Object - it's not stable because there's a very important appeals ruling due any day now. Controversial current events are rarely promoted for that reason. (Plus, if the paragraph on the 2006-7 appeal news is representative of the whole article, it needs lots of cop[yediting.) ←Ben^B4 08:56, 2 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comment - Needs thorough copy editing. Too much passive voice and unnecessarily convoluted wording. Examples: "This became known...", "It has been noted..., "In 1999, Abu-Jamwal was invited to deliver...", "The attention received has spawned ....his status as a celebrated author..."(?) "His political consciousness was sharpened by the circumstance of his suffering a beating..." Mattisse 12:26, 2 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Note - The nominator, TruthHider, currently has his IP autoblocked because of another user with the same IP. --Mattisse 02:27, 3 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.