Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Kampung Boy (TV series)/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by SandyGeorgia 17:32, 12 December 2010 [1].

Kampung Boy (TV series) edit

Featured article candidates/Kampung Boy (TV series)/archive1

Nominator(s): Jappalang (talk) 03:05, 25 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

A couple of months ago, the article on Lat the Malaysian cartoonist knighted (in his country) was brought here and became an FA. What made him internationally famous was his book The Kampung Boy. Now, I bring the adaptation of his book for judgment as a possible FA. Kampung Boy the animation is, in the words of a Malaysian animation critic, "the one that best portrays the country's image in terms of its culture and traditions" and a benchmark for the industry. This article is a comprehensive look at the animation from its conception to reception, drawing from academic sources and journalistic articles with its creator. Please take a look and appraise the article. Thank you. Jappalang (talk) 03:05, 25 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support. I reviewed this thoroughly during the peer review process and it's a fine narrative about an interesting animated series. --Andy Walsh (talk) 03:47, 25 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
WP:FA Criteria 3 met, quirky drawing style well illustrated, main characters shown, valid FU criteria, sufficiently low resolution Fasach Nua (talk) 20:50, 25 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Support ~~Certainly inclined to support~~, I'm just going through the article and might pick up a few things, no doubt very very minor:--Mkativerata (talk) 20:58, 25 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

approximately 1 million Malaysian ringgits: as far as I'm aware, the plural of ringgit is ringgit.
should Bart Simpson be wikilinked?

I was following several Western sources (who use "ringgits"),[2] but it seems the proper usage (fewer sources, but they are grammar or currency books) is that of a plural noun.[3] I have changed the term accordingly. Jappalang (talk) 02:54, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Bart Simpson is very closely related to the earlier The Simpsons link (which is just a few words in front). I believe linking it would be an undue emphasis (since The Simpsons article would have done a pretty good job of highlighting Bart and providing a link to his article). Jappalang (talk) 02:54, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sources comments: All sources look good. This referencing format, also used in the Lat article, is a little strange to me, but it serves its purpose. Little spotchecking possible as few online material used. Brianboulton (talk) 23:04, 26 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

DAB/EL Check - no dabs, two external link problem- this link is broken (5th academic source) and this link appears to redirect strangely (third-to-last journalistic source), though that may be an artifact of not having a subscription. --Pres N 22:11, 3 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have updated the links. Oxford Business Group have made More Than a Cartoonist available for online viewing. As for From Mousedeer to Mouse, I updated the ebscohost link. Jappalang (talk) 07:15, 4 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on the prose. I think the Lead needs a little more work. Although it is the shortest, I find it's often the most difficult section to write. I hope these comments are useful:

Here, "technologies should be carefully examined by a society before being considered for adoption" - instead of considered for adoption, which for some reason makes me think of orphaned children, how about a simple "accepted"?
It might be an English variety issue, which I can accept, but I find "showcasing" an odd word to use in this context. I think "promoting" might be a better choice.
Here,"Kampung Boy focuses on the meeting of the traditional way of life in the village and the modern lifestyle that is associated with the city and influenced by technology", on the meeting sounds clumsy. How about something like, "A main theme of Kampung Boy is the contrast between the traditional rural way of life and that of the city and its technology".
- I implemented your suggestion with a slight tweak. Jappalang (talk) 02:22, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think we have to repeat "its" before "deviations".
"country's animations" also sounds odd. Perhaps "animators" or "animated film makers" might be better?
This comes across, to me at least, as a little pretentious and pompous, "academics in cultural studies regarded the series as an artefact that encompassed history in a modern shell". There must be a simpler way of saying it.
- Twas quite tough but I hope I implemented a less "pretentious and pompous" statement. Jappalang (talk) 02:22, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
This is a little passive, "In 1979, the autobiographical graphic novel The Kampung Boy was published." I suggest just putting "in 1979" at the end The autobiographical graphic novel The Kampung Boy was published in 1979.
- I am used to the traditional way of putting the date in front is a way to start off the "story" ("Once upon a time, ..."); hence, I believe seeing the date first would help readers who skipped the lede to get into the main text, or who are familiar with this form of opening. Putting the date at the rear might present a repetitive "The ... The ..." for the first two sentences. Jappalang (talk) 02:22, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think "ethnic" might be redundant here, "ethnic Malay". It's an overused word in any case. It seems that we have become scared to say were people have come from.
There might be redundancy here, "using other forms of media".
A perfect past tense might sound better here, "when Lat was talking with Ananda Krishman" - when Lat talked.
- Modified a tad. Jappalang (talk) 02:22, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think we can use "them" here "and Lat decried (those productions) for violence and jokes".
- I prefer the explicitness to avoid possible confusion that Lat was blaming the TV channels for showing those cartoons.
I think "several" is better than "a number of" but this is a personal preference.

I liked the rest of the article :-) Graham Colm (talk) 10:31, 8 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Graham for reading the article. I have implemented your suggestions; I noted above those that I have not implemented word for word.[4] Please take a look and see if the changes have addressed your concerns. Jappalang (talk) 02:22, 9 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support Graham Colm (talk) 11:22, 10 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.