Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/KFC/archive4
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was not promoted by Ian Rose 10:04, 9 September 2013 (UTC) [1].[reply]
KFC edit
KFC (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)
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For good or for ill, KFC is a global icon and thus is a worthy and interesting topic for Wikipedia. I am nominating this for featured article because I believe I have addressed all complaints from previous nominations and that the article is now ready or very near to promotion to FA status. Farrtj (talk) 14:46, 8 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I would suggest finding a picture of the most recent store design. I swapped out the KFC/Taco Bell pic for one showing the most modern store design, but if you can find a pic of a recent-build standalone KFC to complement it, that'd be nice. Ten Pound Hammer • (What did I screw up now?) 03:47, 9 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Hamiltonstone.
"Whereas KFC management had previously allowed franchisees to serve any soft drink they wished, PepsiCo stated that it hoped it would be able to convince franchisees to stock Pepsi products". The sentence seeks to contrast two things, but they are actually the same: previous management had "allowed" franchisees to serve anything, while Pepsi said "it hoped it would be able to convince franchisees" to do something - implying that it remained a choice - they weren't changing the franchise contracts. So why "whereas"?
"Overseas operations often flourished while ignoring or even defying orders from Louisville headquarters: management attempted to force KFC Japan to switch from corn and cottonseed oil to cheaper palm or soybean, but local management refused to compromise the quality of their product with a lesser quality oil". I'm worried that a POV has been 'swallowed' by the source and then reproduced here. what evidence is there that the cheaper oil was lower quality? It was used in other countries without any problems? Perhaps "local management stated that they would not compromise the quality of their product with a lesser quality oil" at least attributes the argument to managers without elevating it to objective fact.
"KFC also began a back to basics makeover of the brand image..." That phrase 'back to basics' is marketing magazine colloquialism that has no particular meaning. Edit it out and just describe the changes.
"In December 2012, the chain was struck in China when it was discovered ..." I don't understand this use of the word "struck".
Suggest deleting the whole para that begins "In April 2013, KFC announced the roll out of boneless Original Recipe across all of its United States outlets". First, the article should not be a platform for every single product announcement from KFC. Second, the first reference to "Original Recipe" is to a burger - which one would hope was boneless! So it cannot be being rolled out for the first time at any rate. Third, the Sanburn quote is classic 'nothing text': is describes the innovation as "modest" and then says it "may not" (and therefore by implication "may") be the latest in a long line blah blah. It is of no consequence and shouldn't be included. Then we have this concept store - a single store in a chain that has nearly 10000. See WP:UNDUE. It doesn't matter whether it is a concept store, it is still largely reproduction of KFC marketing announcements in news outlets - and it is so good to know it has a patio! Just delete. hamiltonstone (talk) 03:01, 12 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I have now addressed all of the above comments.Farrtj (talk) 14:30, 12 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for addressing those. I will come by later and see how things are progressing.hamiltonstone (talk) 03:41, 13 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Comments A quick glance suggests that this needs a good copyedit. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 09:29, 13 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- two spellings of travel(l)er
- two capitalisations of Kentucky colonel
- Jamaica mentioned in the lead but not in the main text it is supposed to summarise.
- Why did KFC initially only open locations in England and not the rest of the UK?
- Louisville, Kentucky, United States, which specializes in fried chicken—Is there another Kentucky not in the US? Why does the town specialise in fried chicken?
- pressure-fried
- "bucket", which has become a signature of the chain—can't literally be a signature, needs a noun
- From the age of seven, his mother taught—she was very young!
- product hailing from Kentucky—is hailing not informal in the US, and applied mostly to people?
- who didn't know —informal
- restaurants East of the Mississippi—why cap?
- More to come
- No responses for six days, is this nom still live? If not, no point my continuing review Jimfbleak - talk to me? 12:17, 18 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I was waiting for you to complete your copyedit.Farrtj (talk) 14:15, 18 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- OK, It will be a couple of days before I restart Jimfbleak - talk to me? 15:43, 18 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I'd just like to say thanks for the comments so far. They've been really helpful, and I really appreciate you going through an article of this size! Farrtj (talk) 15:47, 18 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I was waiting for you to complete your copyedit.Farrtj (talk) 14:15, 18 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- No responses for six days, is this nom still live? If not, no point my continuing review Jimfbleak - talk to me? 12:17, 18 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- bulk of funding—in BE it would be "of the funding", is your version OK in AE?
- re-branded with a distinctive red-and-white striped color pattern, cupola roofs and the company expanded—roofs can't expand, replace first comma by "and", add comma after roofs
- The company also reneged on their contract with Sanders... their own operations there.—
- until his qualms were met.—I think you address rather than meet a qualm
- Zantigo stores were closed or converted to Taco Bell—in BE it would be Bells, is your version OK in AE?
- His standards were high, commenting "perfection is just barely good enough",—standards can't comment
- takeover weak franchises,—the verb is two words
- while in the U.S. sales were struggling, where the chain was the weakest link in PepsiCo's restaurants division.—the adverbial clause should follow its subject, the US
- through the growing El Pollo Loco restaurant chain, and also with the introduction of Burger King's BK Broiler, a grilled chicken burger, both of which were poaching sales from the company.—your two subjects for "both" are a restaurant chain and a burger, which don't sit comfortably together
- have been protesting KFC's treatment—in BE it would be "protesting against", is your version OK in AE?
- take out, dine in, sit down, drive through—hyphenate all (not done consistently at present
- research & development—Ampersand is informal (linked article has "and" too)
- China is one of the only countries—"one of" or "the only"? Doesn't make sense as written
- "We're in the first inning of a nine-inning ball game in China".—in BE, it would be "innings" both times, is your version OK in AE?
- three executives, that latter of whom—you need at least two different things to point to a "latter"
Closing comment -- I'm afraid this nom seems to have stalled after remaining open a month and receiving no comments since mid-August. Pls wait the usual two weeks before nominating this or any other article at FAC. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk)
- Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 06:28, 9 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.