Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Jesse L. Brown/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 18:56, 24 March 2012 [1].

Jesse L. Brown edit

Featured article candidates/Jesse L. Brown/archive1

Nominator(s): —Ed!^(talk) 23:05, 25 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article. It's a Good Article and has passed a MILHIST A-class review. I'd hoped to get it up for Black History Month but got delayed. —Ed!^(talk) 23:05, 25 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Sources and images but no spotchecks, PD attribution template present. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:36, 29 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Be consistent in when "midshipman" is capitalized - differs between caption and article text
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As File:Naval_Aviator_Badge.jpg is a photo of a 3D object, need to provide licensing info for both the photo and the object itself
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
File:United_Nations_Service_Medal_for_Korea_ribbon.png: do UN service ribbons fall under a similar PD ruling as US ones? On what source was this image based?
- I believe in a previous FAC it was established that they do fall under a similar PD. Either way, the US government created a PD version of the work. —Ed!^(talk) 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
FN 1: entry name shouldn't be italicized. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:36, 29 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed, I think. —Ed!^(talk) 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Crisco 1492 comments:

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492 and discussion related to them moved to talk page

Support -- Striking Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:49, 14 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries; WP:Checklist will explain some of them. - Dank (push to talk)

"further to the north": if the source says "outside the South" or similar, then I think that's the best way to put it.
- Done, while linking to Southern United States for clarity. —Ed!^(talk) 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"There, his enlistment ended 15 April and Brown reverted to the rank of midshipman, becoming the only African American in the program.": I'm not following.
- Brown's enlistment ended and he ceased to be an active US Navy member and became a full-time midshipman (a pseudo-rank similar to cadet) and as such, he was the only midshipman at that training school. —Ed!^(talk) 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"At this point, he could reveal his marriage to his superiors.": This would work better combined with the last sentence of the paragraph.
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Brown crashed into a bowl-shaped valley at approximately 40°36′N 127°06′E / 40.600°N 127.100°E / 40.600; 127.100": I don't think it's the best use of everyone's time to have an argument about icons and pictographs in running text every time they come up. I'll raise the subject at WT:MIL and see if we can get some answers.
- Yeah, I had no idea to do with that or how to form it into a sentence or footnote. I wasn't sure if it would be OR to say it was near some landmark or something. —Ed!^(talk) 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I don't think that would be OR, and Dschwen has removed the icon (although it still shows up on just this page for me for some reason!) As long as the icon's gone, I'd say "near (nearest town) (at 40°36′N 127°06′E / 40.600°N 127.100°E / 40.600; 127.100)". But I can support the way you have it, too. - Dank (push to talk) 02:50, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Support on prose per standard disclaimer, ~~contingent on addressing my and Crisco's few remaining points.~~ These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 17:22, 8 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Let me know if there are any more fixes. Thanks for your review and your copy edits! —Ed!^(talk) 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

What's this missing, a source spotcheck? Nikki did source formatting and images, and two editors have weighed in on prose. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:16, 17 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- I think typically they just look for a third support. I'm not sure what to do to reel one in without canvassing. —Ed!^(talk) 00:12, 18 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - I have the same problem. Hmm... Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:38, 18 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll try to review this today or tomorrow. No guarantees that I'll support though :) Mark Arsten (talk) 20:13, 18 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I might make some small copyedits as I got through, I won't be offended if you revert.
- By all means! It can always use refinement. —Ed!^(talk) 03:50, 19 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Just checking, but Lura was his brother and Johnny was his sister?
- Yeah, I rechecked that with the sources several times. —Ed!^(talk) 03:50, 19 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No article on Lux, Mississippi? How odd.
- Agreed, but I could find no community directly going by that name. —Ed!^(talk) 03:50, 19 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"In fall 1944..." I think this might fall afoul of WP:SEASON.
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"he found the other cadets were generally friendly and welcoming of him.[15] However, he found many of the black cooks and janitors hostile to him" Very interesting, do any of the sources explain why?
- Clarified in text. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"After he completed this training, he was moved to Jacksonville, Florida, for his final training." Is there a good way to avoid the repetition of "training" here?
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Should "east coast" be capitalized? (Honestly not sure.)
- Yes, it should. Fixed it. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Minor issue, but in the last paragraph of Military career you start consecutive sentences with "Brown..." (The first three sentences of that paragraph are also kinda short, maybe try to combine a couple.)
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Did you intend to use the serial comma? I see "installations around Wonsan, Chongpu, Songjim and Senanju" and then "squadron executive officer Lieutenant Commander Dick Cevoli, Lieutenant George Hudson, Lieutenant Junior Grade Bill Koenig, Ensign Ralph McQueen, and Lieutenant Junior Grade Thomas J. Hudner, Jr."
- Fixed so there are no serial commas. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"was forced to leave at nightfall with Hudner, leaving Brown behind." Is there a good way to avoid the "leave... leaving" here? *Maybe not the name of Taylor's book in the text?
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Alright, that's all I could spot, very well written, fascinating article. Mark Arsten (talk) 02:55, 19 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

- I've fixed everything. Thanks for your review! —Ed!^(talk) 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Ok, all the issues that I could spot have been resolved, so I am happy to Support this article's promotion to featured status. Mark Arsten (talk) 00:10, 22 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.