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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Air Mata Iboe/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 10:40, 18 April 2015 (UTC) [1].[reply]

Air Mata Iboe edit

Nominator(s):  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:24, 16 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi everyone, I'm back after about four months off, with Air Mata Iboe. This Fifi Young vehicle follows the tragic story of a mother who is left to find her own way after one of her adult sons is jailed and the other two do not support her. As usual for Indonesian films from this period, it's likely lost. The article isn't all that long, and with a little help from SchroCat the prose looks absolutely peachy — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:24, 16 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support on prose per standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 15:20, 16 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • Just a note: from the 20th to 25th I'll be in Purwokerto and may not have access to the internet. I'll reply to any comments when I return. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:46, 19 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Images are appropriately licensed and captioned. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:15, 20 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comment, leaning support. Sounds like a real tearjerker. Just a few things.
Lede
  • "who raises her children attentively " this seems like faint praise for a mother who is plainly being portrayed positively. Perhaps "tenderly" or even, God forbid, "lovingly"?
  • "This possibly lost film was reviewed positively at the time, though later the director Tan Tjoei Hock claimed credit for finishing it." I don't understand the "though". The two items seem unrelated.
  • Consider mentioning that Young was both in this and in the remake.
Plot
  • "As the children grow, they marry and move away. Eventually only Soemadi is left." the short sentences make the prose choppy. Can the two sentences be combined?
  • "strikes up" it seems slangy and I wonder if it means the same thing in all EngVars.
  • " and find her own way, depending on the kindness of strangers. Years pass, and Soemadi returns from exile. Seeing his mother living in poverty" It sounds like she is hitting the road, yet when Soemadi sees her, it sounds more like she is at a fixed abode, otherwise I'd expect a word like "encounters"
Production
  • "directed and written" "written and directed" feels more natural to me.
  • " Further roles" perhaps "Other roles"
  • "The film, which used make-up to make Fifi Young age into an old woman over the course of the film," suggest the films be merged.
Otherwise seems very well done as usual.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:19, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thank you right kindly. I believe I've gotten everything. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:14, 21 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Support well done.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:33, 22 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support - As per the nom above, I did an informal PR (no jacketsor ties were worn). I can see the further work hasstrengthened the article since then, and I'm happy to support this nom. - SchroCat (talk) 11:19, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • No article/link for Majestic Film Company? Looks as if this would benefit from a few new stubs to link to.
    • Linked. I think I've got enough sources for a 3000-character article. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:33, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Might want to add a footnote giving a brief description of Eid al-Fitr, unfamiliar to most western readers I've sure.
  • Disagree, as we've got an entire article for them to read if they're curious, and Eid is considerably better known than the other two topics below.
  • (no relation to Fred), Rd Ismail, Ali Sarosa, and Ali Joego.[5] Other roles were held by established singers of keroncong (traditional music with Portuguese influences) -I'd put both in brackets as footnotes.
  • Disagree on the Young note (the shared family name may cause confusion, and most readers gloss over the footnotes). Previous FAs have not footnoted the description keroncong, so I'm not really keen on doing that.
  • keroncong should be linked in the first instance not second.
  • Link Surabaya ?
  • Rd Ismail -is rd really his name or is it meant to be R. D.?
    • Rd is an abbreviation for Raden (a priyayi title), as in Rd Mochtar and Rd Ariffien. If I get around to writing an article on him (I think I have the sources) that would eliminate any confusion, but a footnote / gloss strikes me as overboard. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:33, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Footnote C I think might be in a section on music, but if it's just a list I guess not.
    • Yeah, just a list, hence why I didn't include it in the main body. Very much specialist information, and fairly listcrufty. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:33, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

♦ Dr. Blofeld 14:16, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support Given that it's on a "probably" lost film and not a terrific amount of material on it I think it's about as comprehensive as it's going to get. Not the strongest film article I've ever read but given the period and country it is impressive enough that you managed to write that. Good job.♦ Dr. Blofeld 14:53, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks Dr. B. Sadly the period is very underdocumented, though (fortunately for Wikipedia) my RL work often relates to it. For instance, once this working paper is accepted for journal publication, we'll probably have enough to bring Saeroen to GA and maybe FA. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:57, 29 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Sources review

  • Explanatory note b appears to contain a personal judgement ("they may never have been completed")
  • I cannot find any citations to the Lagu Keroncong Tempo Doeloe source.

Otherwise, all sources look of appropriate quality, with no format issues. Brianboulton (talk) 09:23, 14 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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