User talk:Jjgotshwifty/sandbox

Hey! It was great collaborating with you today.

For starters, your topic is extremely interesting and very important. It was great to see how much you have dedicated towards contributing to each section of the article. However, as I mentioned in class, it may be a good idea to take a step back and determine which section is most relevant to your PE. Adding on to and editing different parts of the article is great but I think you will gain more insight if you zoom in to one particular piece. For instance, when we discussed alcoholism and higher rates of diabetes among Native Americans, more data on these rates would be helpful in understanding why that is the case. Perhaps consider searching articles for each section and where you find an abundant amount of research and where you don't. In my experience with searching for articles, I felt like I was fixed on one topic and focused solely on that, however, it was not productive so I also took a step back and now I have found more general research surrounding my area/sector but it still relates to my initial topic of interest. I like the approach you are taking because you are considering all of the social issues that are present within the Native American community and their access to health care. Also, consider looking at the Wikipedia pages on Diabetes, or Alcoholism to hyperlink them in your description, it might result in less work if their pages are more detailed about demographics. Other comments I have relate to wording. As we mentioned in class, it is difficult to stray away from analyzing everything we read, especially when we are referencing work. I caught myself agreeing and disagreeing with the articles I read when I wrote about them but realized it right after, causing me to start over with my description. It is honestly one of the most challenging parts of this assignment since we have to remain neutral. Lastly, make sure to provide a citation for the section in which you describe historical trauma.It sounds like an opinion but perhaps with more development on how Native American experiences differ from Non-native Americans will be helpful. Overall, it is evident that you are passionate about understanding and breaking down the experiences of Native Americans. You're off to a good start! I hope my suggestions are clear!124 srgarciaa (talk) 04:10, 15 March 2018 (UTC)

Hi! It's feedback time! It was great to meet you in class last week and your PE sounds like it going to be a great experience. Enjoy Coos Bay! Ok... I edited your draft on MS Word, and I will send you a copy with that is marked up as soon as I submit this, but I will try to go over everything here as well.

The 'Contemporary Native American Solutions' section has a ton of useful information. I think I would try to slow down and spell out the relationship between ISH and IHCIA. Also, you could organize this by three different sub-heading that explain the benefits that Native Americans receive from each service, that way the reader can make a qualitative judgement for themselves about the efficacy of these overlapping insurances. The differences speak to how the designers of each of the programs envisioned solving a problem... and maybe by tracing back to those origins the reader might be able to envision a better way forward.

We spoke about this in class, but try to avoid using quotations. The quote from Obama is really nice ( and I happen to agree with him), but I would bet that you could find the same information from a medical journal and use a citation build up a more ironclad and impartial article. Also try to stay away from the words 'fortunately', 'possibly' and 'however'. Doing so would remove an insinuation of qualitative judgement that could get your article edited for impartiality.

I feel that your topic is rich with information that you could easily find articles to support. What I really find fascinating though is the interlinks between some of your topics. If Native Americans are more likely to die from accidents, including car crashes, does their higher rates of Alcoholism play a role? On that note, is it inherently biased to assume that Native Americans have a higher propensity for alcoholism? or is that built into a 'Western' narrative?

You are off to a great start! I really enjoyed reading your work, and I am shocked that this information is missing from Wikipedia. Jade to the rescue!! Skaterbab (talk) 22:07, 16 March 2018 (UTC)skaterbabSkaterbab (talk) 22:07, 16 March 2018 (UTC)