When an episode has more than one quote, usually the second one appears during the episode (and if written by
someone other than Bart, the author is named in parentheses)
"(Alternate)" indicates that the episode has an alternate opening
In addition, the Simpsons After Dark Screen Saver includes two quotes that may have been meant for the
two Season 1 episodes that had openings without blackboard scenes:
I will not talk in class
I will not undermine traditional American values
| 1 | Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire {7G08} | None - Christmas Special |
| 2 | Bart the Genius {7G02} | I will not waste chalk |
| 3 | Homer's Odyssey {7G03} | I will not skateboard in the halls |
| 4 | There's No Disgrace Like Home {7G04} | I will not burp in class |
| 5 | Bart the General {7G05} | None |
| 6 | Moaning Lisa {7G06} | I will not instigate revolution |
| 7 | Call of the Simpsons {7G09} | I will not draw naked ladies in class |
| 8 | The Telltale Head {7G07} | I did not see Elvis |
| 9 | Life on the Fast Lane {7G11} | None |
| 10 | Homer's Night Out {7G10} | I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" |
| 11 | The Crepes of Wrath {7G13} | Garlic gum is not funny |
| 12 | Krusty Gets Busted {7G12} | They are laughing at me, not with me |
| 13 | Some Enchanted Evening {7G01} | I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom |
| 14 | Bart Gets An F {7F03} | I will not encourage others to fly |
| I will not fake my way through life | ||
| 15 | Simpson and Delilah {7F02} | Tar is not a plaything |
| 16 | Treehouse of Horror {7F04} | None - Halloween Special |
| 17 | Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish {7F01} | I will not Xerox my butt |
| It's potato, not potatoe | ||
| 18 | Dancin' Homer {7F05} | I will not trade pants with others |
| 19 | Dead Putting Society {7F08} | I am not a 32 year old woman |
| 20 | Bart vs. Thanksgiving {7F07} | I will not do that thing with my tongue |
| 21 | Bart the Daredevil {7F06} | I will not drive the principal's car |
| 22 | Itchy & Scratchy & Marge {7F09} | I will not pledge allegiance to Bart |
| 23 | Bart Gets Hit by a Car {7F10} | I will not sell school property |
| 24 | One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish {7F11} | I will not cut corners |
| 25 | The Way We Was {7F12} | I will not get very far with this attitude |
| 26 | Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment {7F13} | I will not make flatuent noises in class |
| 27 | Principal Charming {7F15} | I will not belch the National Anthem |
| 28 | Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? {7F16} | I will not sell land in Florida |
| 29 | Bart's Dog Gets an F {7F14} | Repeat of 7F10 |
| 30 | Old Money {7F17} | I will not grease the monkey bars |
| 31 | Brush with Greatness {7F18} | I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment |
| 32 | Lisa's Substitute {7F19} | None |
| 33 | War of the Simpsons {7F20} | I will not do anything bad ever again |
| 34 | Three Men and a Comic Book {7F21} | I will not show off |
| 35 | Blood Feud {7F22} | I will not sleep through my education |
| 36 | Stark Raving Dad {7F24} | I am not a dentist |
| 37 | Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington {8F01} | Spitwads are not free speech |
| 38 | When Flanders Failed {7F23} | Nobody likes sunburn slappers |
| 39 | Bart the Murderer {8F03} | High explosives and school don't mix |
| I will not bribe Principal Skinner | ||
| 40 | Homer Defined {8F04} | I will not squeak chalk |
| 41 | Like Father, Like Clown {8F05} | I will finish what I sta |
| 42 | Treehouse of Horror II {8F02} | None - Halloween Special |
| 43 | Lisa's Pony {8F06} | "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender |
| 44 | Saturdays of Thunder {8F07} | I will not fake rabies |
| 45 | Flaming Moe's {8F08} | Underwear should be worn on the inside |
| 46 | Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk {8F09} | The Christmas Pageant does not stink |
| 47 | I Married Marge {8F10} | I will not torment the emotionally frail |
| 48 | Radio Bart {8F11} | I will not carve gods |
| 49 | Lisa the Greek {8F12} | None |
| 50 | Homer Alone {8F14} | I will not spank others |
| 51 | Bart the Lover {8F16} | None |
| 52 | Homer at the Bat {8F13} | I will not aim for the head |
| 53 | Separate Vocations {8F15} | I will not barf unless I'm sick |
| I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty | ||
| 54 | Dog of Death {8F17} | I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge |
| 55 | Colonel Homer {8F19} | I will not conduct my own fire drills |
| 56 | Black Widower {8F20} | Funny noises are not funny |
| 57 | Otto Show {8F21} | I will not spin the turtle |
| 58 | Bart's Friend Falls in Love {8F22} | I will not snap bras |
| 59 | Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? {8F23} | I will not fake seizures |
| 60 | Kamp Krusty {8F24} | This punishment is not boring and pointless |
| 61 | A Streetcar Named Marge {8F18} | My name is not Dr. Death |
| 62 | Homer the Heretic {9F01} | I will not defame New Orleans |
| 63 | Lisa the Beauty Queen {9F02} | I will not prescribe medication |
| 64 | Treehouse of Horror III {9F04} | None - Halloween Special |
| 65 | Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie {9F03} | I will not bury the new kid |
| (Marge) I will try to raise a better child | ||
| 66 | Marge Gets a Job {9F05} | I will not teach others to fly |
| 67 | New Kid on the Block {9F06} | I will not bring sheep to class |
| 68 | Mr. Plow {9F07} | A burp is not an answer |
| 69 | Lisa's First Word {9F08} | Teacher is not a leper |
| 70 | Homer's Triple Bypass {9F09} | Coffee is not for kids |
| 71 | Marge vs the Monorail {9F10} | I will not eat things for money |
| 72 | Selma's Choice {9F11} | I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call |
| 73 | Brother from the Same Planet {9F12} | The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee |
| 74 | I Love Lisa {9F13} | I will not call the principal "spud head" |
| 75 | Duffless {9F14} | Goldfish don't bounce |
| 76 | Last Exit to Springfield {9F15} | Mud is not one of the 4 food groups |
| 77 | So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show {9F17} | No one is interested in my underpants |
| 78 | The Front {9F16} | I will not sell miracle cures |
| 79 | Whacking Day {9F18} | I will return the seeing-eye dog |
| 80 | Marge in Chains {9F20} | I do not have diplomatic immunity |
| 81 | Krusty Gets Kancelled {9F19} | I will not charge admission to the bathroom |
| 82 | Homer's Barbershop Quartet {9F21} | I will never win an Emmy |
| 83 | Cape Feare {9F22} | The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy |
| 84 | Homer Goes to College {1F02} | None |
| 85 | Rosebud {1F01} | None |
| 86 | Treehouse of Horror IV {1F04} | None - Halloween Special |
| 87 | Marge on the Lam {1F03} | None |
| 88 | Bart's Inner Child {1F05} | None |
| 89 | Boy Scoutz N The Hood {1F06} | None |
| 90 | The Last Temptation of Homer {1F07} | All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy |
| 91 | $pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) {1F08} | I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause |
| 92 | Homer the Vigilante {1F09} | I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers |
| 93 | Bart Gets Famous {1F11} | My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man |
| 94 | Homer and Apu {1F10} | I will not go near the kindergarten turtle |
| 95 | Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy {1F12} | None |
| 96 | Deep Space Homer {1F13} | None |
| 97 | Homer Loves Flanders {1F14} | I am not delightfully saucy |
| 98 | Bart Gets an Elephant {1F15} | Organ transplants are best left to the professionals |
| 99 | Burns' Heir {1F16} | The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan |
| 100 | Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song {1F18} | I will not celebrate meaningless milestones |
| 101 | The Boy Who Knew Too Much {1F19} | There are plenty of businesses like show business |
| 102 | Lady Bouvier's Lover {1F21} | I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball |
| 103 | Secrets of a Successful Marriage {1F20} | Five days is not too long to wait for a gun |
| 104 | Bart of Darkness {1F22} | Beans are neither fruit nor musical |
| 105 | Lisa's Rival {1F17} | Repeat of 9F17 |
| 106 | Another Simpsons Clip Show {2F33} | I will not use abbrev. |
| 107 | Itchy & Scratchy Land {2F01} | I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. |
| 108 | Sideshow Bob Roberts {2F02} | None |
| 109 | Treehouse of Horror V {2F03} | None - Halloween Special |
| 110 | Bart's Girlfriend {2F04} | I will not send lard through the mail |
| 111 | Lisa on Ice {2F05} | I will not dissect things unless instructed |
| 112 | Homer: Bad Man {2F06} | I will not whittle hall passes out of soap |
| 113 | Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy {2F07} | Repeat of 1F11 |
| 114 | Fear of Flying {2F08} | Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough |
| 115 | Homer the Great {2F09} | Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal |
| 116 | And Maggie Makes Three {2F10} | "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice |
| 117 | Bart's Comet {2F11} | Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does |
| 118 | Homie the Clown {2F12} | Next time it could be me on the scaffolding |
| 119 | Bart vs. Australia {2F13} | I will not hang donuts on my person |
| 120 | Homer vs. Patty & Selma {2F14} | I will remember to take my medication |
| 121 | A Star is Burns {2F31} | None |
| 122 | Lisa's Wedding {2F15} | I will not strut around like I own the place |
| 123 | Two Dozen & One Greyhounds {2F18} | The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far |
| 124 | The PTA Disbands {2F19} | I do not have power of attorney over first graders |
| 125 | 'Round Springfield {2F32} | Nerve gas is not a toy |
| 126 | The Springfield Connection {2F21} | I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface |
| 127 | Lemon of Troy {2F22} | The First Amendment does not cover burping |
| 128 | Who Shot Mr. Burns?, Part One {2F16} | This is not a clue...or is it? |
| 129 | Who Shot Mr. Burns?, Part Two {2F20} | I will not complain about the solution when I hear it |
| 130 | Radioactive Man {2F17} | "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism |
| 131 | Home Sweet Home-Diddily-Dum-Doodily {3F01} | No one wants to hear from my armpits |
| 132 | Bart Sells His Soul {3F02} | I am not a lean mean spitting machine |
| 133 | Lisa the Vegetarian {3F03} | The boys room is not a water park |
| 134 | Treehouse of Horror VI {3F04} | None - Halloween Special |
| 135 | King-Size Homer {3F05} | Indian burns are not our cultural heritage |
| 136 | Mother Simpson {3F06} | None |
| 137 | Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming {3F08} | Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things |
| 138 | 138th Episode Spectacular {3F31} | I will only do this once a year |
| 139 | Marge Be Not Proud {3F07} | I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist |
| 140 | Team Homer {3F10} | I am not certified to remove asbestos |
| 141 | Two Bad Neighbors {3F09} | None |
| 142 | Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield {3F11} | None |
| 143 | Bart the Fink {3F12} | None |
| 144 | Lisa the Iconoclast {3F13} | None |
| 145 | Homer the Smithers {3F14} | None |
| 146 | The Day the Violence Died {3F16} | None |
| 147 | A Fish Called Selma {3F15} | None |
| 148 | Bart on the Road {3F17} | None |
| 149 | 22 Short Films About Springfield {3F18} | None |
| 150 | Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish" {3F19} | None |
| 151 | Much Apu About Nothing {3F20} | None |
| 152 | Homerpalooza {3F21} | None |
| 153 | Summer of 4 Ft. 2 {3F22} | None |
| 154 | Treehouse of Horror VII {4F02} | None - Halloween Special |
| 155 | You Only Move Twice {3F23} | I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten |
| 156 | The Homer They Fall {4F03} | I am not my long-lost twin |
| 157 | Burns, Baby Burns {4F05} | None |
| 158 | Bart After Dark {4F06} | None |
| 159 | A Milhouse Divided {4F04} | None |
| 160 | Lisa's Date with Density {4F01} | None |
| (Lisa) I will not be a snickerpuss | ||
| 161 | Hurricane Neddy {4F07} | None |
| 162 | El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer {3F24} | None |
| 163 | The Springfield Files {3G01} | The truth is not out there |
| 164 | The Twisted World of Marge Simpson {4F08} | I am not licensed to do anything |
| 165 | Mountain of Madness {4F10} | None |
| 166 | Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-"D'oh"-cious {3G03} | I will not hide the teacher's Prozac |
| 167 | The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show {4F12} | None |
| 168 | Homer's Phobia {4F11} | None |
| 169 | The Brother from Another Series {4F14} | None |
| 170 | My Sister, My Sitter {4F13} | None |
| 171 | Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment {4F15} | None |
| 172 | Grade School Confidential {4F09} | None |
| 173 | The Canine Mutiny {4F16} | A fire drill does not demand a fire |
| 174 | The Old Man and the Lisa {4F17} | None |
| 175 | In Marge We Trust {4F18} | None |
| 176 | Homer's Enemy {4F19} | None |
| 177 | The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase {4F20} | None - Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase |
| 178 | The Secret War of Lisa Simpson {4F21} | None |
| 179 | The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson {4F22} | None |
| 180 | The Principal and the Pauper {4F23} | None |
| 181 | Lisa's Sax {3G02} | I no longer want my MTV |
| 182 | Treehouse of Horror VIII {5F02} | None - Halloween Special |
| 183 | The Cartridge Family {5F01} | Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story |
| 184 | Bart Star {5F03} | I did not invent Irish dancing |
| 185 | The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons {5F04} | None |
| 186 | Lisa the Skeptic {5F05} | I will not tease Fatty |
| 187 | Realty Bites {5F06} | There was no Roman god named "Fartacus" |
| 188 | Miracle on Evergreen Terrace {5F07} | Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related |
| 189 | All Singing, All Dancing {5F24} | None |
| 190 | Bart Carny {5F08} | None |
| 191 | The Joy of Sect {5F23} | Shooting paintballs is not an art form |
| 192 | Das Bus {5F11} | None |
| 193 | The Last Temptation of Krust {5F10} | Pain is not the cleanser |
| 194 | Dumbbell Indemnity {5F12} | Silly String is not a nasal spray |
| 195 | Lisa the Simpson {4F24} | None |
| 196 | This Little Wiggy {5F13} | I was not told to do this |
| 197 | Simpson Tide {3G04} | My butt does not deserve a website |
| 198 | The Trouble with Trillions {5F14} | I will not demand what I'm worth |
| 199 | Girly Edition {5F15 } | None |
| 200 | Trash of the Titans {5F09 } | I will not mess with the opening credits |
| 201 | King of the Hill {5F16 } | None |
| 202 | Lost Our Lisa {5F17 } | I am not the new Dalai Lama |
| 203 | Natural Born Kissers {5F18 } | I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" |
| 204 | Lard of the Dance {5F20 } | None |
| 205 | The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace {5F21 } | I will not file frivolous lawsuits |
| 206 | Bart the Mother {5F22 } | None |
| 207 | Treehouse of Horror IX {AABF01} | The Simpsons Halloween Special IX |
| 208 | When You Dish Upon a Star {5F19 } | "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address |
| 209 | D'oh-in' in the Wind {AABF02} | No one cares what my definition of "is" is |
| 210 | Lisa Gets an A {AABF03} | I will not scream for ice cream |
| 211 | Homer Simpson in: Kidney Trouble {AABF04} | I am not a licensed hairstylist |
| 212 | Mayored to the Mob {AABF05} | "The President did it" is not an excuse |
| 213 | Viva Ned Flanders {AABF06} | My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld |
| 214 | Wild Barts Can't Be Broken {AABF07} | Sherri does not "got back" |
| 215 | Sunday, Cruddy Sunday {AABF08} | I will not do the Dirty Bird |
| 216 | Homer to the Max {AABF09} | No one wants to hear about my sciatica |
| 217 | I'm With Cupid {AABF11} | Hillbillies are people too |
| 218 | Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers" {AABF10} | Grammar is not a time of waste |
| 219 | Make Room for Lisa {AABF12} | Repeat of 9F20 |
| 220 | Maximum Homerdrive {AABF13} | It does not suck to be you |
| 221 | Simpsons Bible Stories {AABF14} | I cannot absolve sins |
| I will not deface | ||
| 222 | Mom and Pop Art {AABF15} | A trained ape could not teach gym |
| 223 | The Old Man and the "C" Student {AABF16} | Loose teeth don't need my help |
| 224 | Monty Can't Buy Me Love {AABF17} | I have neither been there nor done that |
| 225 | They Saved Lisa's Brain {AABF18} | Repeat of 3F01 |
| 226 | Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo {AABF20} | I'm so very tired |
| 227 | Beyond Blunderdome {AABF23} | Fridays are not "pants optional" |
| 228 | Brother's Little Helper {AABF22} | Pork is not a verb |
| 229 | Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner {AABF21} | I am not the last Don |
| 230 | Treehouse of Horror X {BABF01} | None - Halloween Special |
| 231 | E-I-E-I-"D'oh" {AABF19} | I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize |
| 232 | Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder {BABF02} | I won't not use no double negatives |
| 233 | Eight Misbehavin' {BABF03} | Repeat of 3F05 |
| 234 | Take My Wife, Sleaze {BABF05} | I can't see dead people |
| 235 | Grift of the Magi {BABF07} | I will not sell my kidney on eBay |
| (Lisa) I will not do math in class | ||
| 236 | Little Big Mom {BABF04} | I will not create art from dung |
| 237 | Faith Off {BABF06} | I will stop phoning it in |
| 238 | The Mansion Family {BABF08} | Class clown is not a paid position |
| 239 | Saddlesore Galactica {BABF09} | Substitute teachers are not scabs |
| 240 | Alone Again, Natura-Diddly {BABF10} | My suspension was not "mutual" |
| 241 | Missionary: Impossible {BABF11} | A belch is not an oral report |
| 242 | Pygmoelian {BABF12} | Dodgeball stops at the gym door |
| 243 | Bart to the Future {BABF13} | "Non-Flammable" is not a challenge |
| 244 | Days of Wine and D'oh'ses {BABF14} | I was not touched "there" by an angel |
| 245 | Kill the Alligator and Run {BABF16} | I am not here on a fartball scholarship |
| 246 | Last Tap Dance in Springfield {BABF15} | I will not dance on anyone's grave |
| 247 | It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge {BABF18} | I cannot hire a substitute student |
| 248 | Behind the Laughter {BABF19} | I will not obey the voices in my head |
| 249 | Treehouse of Horror XI {BABF21} | None - Halloween Special |
| 250 | A Tale of Two Springfields {BABF20} | I will not plant subliminal messagores |
| 251 | Insane Clown Poppy {BABF17} | I will not surprise the incontinent |
| 252 | Lisa the Tree Hugger {CABF01} | I am not the acting President |
| 253 | Homer vs. Dignity {CABF04} | I was not the sixth Beatle |
| 254 | The Computer Wore Menace Shoes {CABF02} | I will only provide a urine sample when asked |
| 255 | The Great Money Caper {CABF03} | The nurse is not dealing |
| 256 | Skinner's Sense of Snow {CABF06} | Science class should not end in tragedy |
| (Principal Skinner) I ain't not a dorkus | ||
| 257 | HOMR [actually the R should be backwards] {BABF22} | Network TV is not dead |
| 258 | Pokey Mom {CABF05} | I will not "let the dogs out" |
| 259 | Worst Episode Ever {CABF08} | I will not hide the teacher's medication |
| 260 | Tennis the Menace {CABF07} | I will not publish the Principal's credit report |
| 261 | Day of the Jackanapes {CABF10} | The hamster did not have "a full life" |
| 262 | New Kids on the Blecch {CABF12} | I will not buy a Presidential pardon |
| 263 | Hungry Hungry Homer {CABF09} | "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap |
| 264 | Bye Bye Nerdie {CABF11} | I will not scare the Vice President |
| 265 | Simpson Safari {CABF13} | I will not flush evidence |
| 266 | Trilogy of Error {CABF14} | Fire is not the cleanser |
| 267 | I'm Goin' to Praiseland {CABF15} | Genetics is not an excuse |
| 268 | Children of a Lesser Clod {CABF16} | Today is not Mothra's day |
| 269 | Simpsons Tall Tales {CABF17} | I should not be twenty-one by now |
| 270 | Treehouse of Horror XII {CABF19} | None - Halloween Special |
| 271 | The Parent Rap {CABF22} | Nobody reads these anymore |
| 272 | Homer the Moe {CABF20} | A burp in a jar is not a science project |
| 273 | A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love {CABF18} | Fun does not have a size |
| 274 | The Blunder Years {CABF21} | I am not Charlie Brown on acid |
| 275 | She of Little Faith {DABF02} | I do not have a cereal named after me |
| 276 | Brawl in the Family {DABF01} | None |
| 277 | Sweets and Sour Marge {DABF03} | None |
| 278 | Jaws Wired Shut {DABF05} | None |
| 279 | Half Decent Proposal {DABF04} | I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers |
| 280 | The Bart Wants What it Wants {DABF06} | The giving tree is not a chump |
| 281 | The Lastest Gun in the West {DABF07} | Making Milhouse cry is not a science project |
| 282 | The Old Man and the Key {DABF09} | None |
| 283 | Tales from the Public Domain {DABF08} | Vampire is not a career choice |
| 284 | Blame it on Lisa {DABF10} | None |
| 285 | Weekend At Burnsie's {DABF11} | None |
| 286 | Gump Roast {DABF12} | None |
| 287 | I Am Furious Yellow {DABF13} | None |
| 288 | The Sweetest Apu {DABF14} | I will never lie about being cancelled again |
| 289 | Little Girl in the Big Ten {DABF15} | None |
| 290 | The Frying Game {DABF16} | None |
| 291 | Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge {DABF17} | None |
| 292 | Treehouse of Horror XIII {DABF19} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 293 | How I Spent My Strummer Vacation {DABF22} | None |
| 294 | Bart vs. Lisa vs. Third Grade {DABF20} | Fish do not like coffee |
| 295 | Large Marge {DABF18} | None |
| 296 | Helter Shelter {DABF21} | Milhouse did not test cootie positive |
| 297 | The Great Louse Detective {EABF01} | None |
| 298 | Special Edna {EABF02} | None |
| 299 | The Dad Who Knew Too Little {EABF03} | None |
| 300 | Strong Arms of the Ma {EABF04} | This school does not need a "regime change" |
| 301 | Pray Anything {EABF06} | SpongeBob is not a contraceptive |
| 302 | Barting Over {EABF05} | I will not |
| 303 | I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can {EABF07} | None |
| 304 | A Star is Born Again {EABF08} | None |
| 305 | Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington {EABF09} | None |
| 306 | C.E. D'oh. {EABF10} | None |
| 307 | 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky {EABF11} | None |
| 308 | Three Gays of the Condo {EABF12} | None |
| 309 | Dude, Where's My Ranch? {EABF13} | None |
| 310 | Old Yeller Belly {EABF14} | My pen is not a booger launcher |
| 311 | Brake My Wife, Please {EABF15} | None |
| 312 | Bart of War {EABF16} | Sandwiches should not contain sand |
| 313 | Moe Baby Blues {EABF17} | None |
| 314 | Treehouse of Horror XIV {EABF21} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 315 | My Mother the Carjacker {EABF18} | None |
| 316 | The President Wore Pearls {EABF20} | None |
| 317 | The Regina Monologues {EABF22} | None |
| 318 | The Fat and the Furriest {EABF19} | None |
| 319 | Today I Am a Clown {FABF01} | Over forty & single is not funny |
| 320 | 'Tis the Fifteenth Season {FABF02} | None |
| 321 | Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays {FABF03} | None |
| 322 | I, "D'oh"-bot {FABF04} | None |
| 323 | Diatribe of a Mad Housewife {FABF05} | None |
| 324 | Margical History Tour {FABF06} | None |
| 325 | Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore {FABF07} | None |
| 326 | Smart and Smarter {FABF09} | None |
| 327 | The Ziff Who Came to Dinner {FABF08} | I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be |
| 328 | Co-Dependent's Day {FABF10} | None |
| 329 | Wandering Juvie {FABF11} | None |
| 330 | My Big Fat Geek Wedding {FABF12} | None |
| 331 | Catch 'em If You Can {FABF14} | None |
| 332 | Simple Simpson {FABF15} | None |
| 333 | The Way We Weren't {FABF13} | None |
| 334 | Bart-Mangled Banner {FABF17} | None |
| 335 | Fraudcast News {FABF16} | None |
| 336 | Treehouse of Horror XV {FABF23} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 337 | All's Fair in Oven War {FABF20} | None |
| 338 | Sleeping With the Enemy {FABF19} | None |
| 339 | She Used to Be My Girl {FABF22} | Poking a dead raccoon is not research |
| 340 | Fat Man and Little Boy {FABF21} | None |
| 341 | Midnight Rx {FABF16} | None |
| 342 | Mommie Beerest {GABF01} | None |
| 343 | Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass {GABF02} | None |
| 344 | Pranksta Rap {GABF03} | None |
| 345 | There's Something About Marrying {GABF04} | None |
| 346 | On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister {GABF05} | Beer in a milk carton is not milk |
| 347 | Goo Goo Gai Pan {GABF06} | None |
| 348 | Mobile Homer {GABF07} | None |
| 349 | The Seven-Beer Snitch {GABF08} | None |
| 350 | Future-Drama {GABF12} | None |
| 351 | Don't Fear the Roofer {GABF10} | None |
| 352 | The Heartbroke Kid {GABF11} | None |
| 353 | A Star is Torn {GABF13} | None |
| 354 | Thank God It's Doomsday {GABF14} | None |
| 355 | Home Away from Homer {GABF15} | A booger is not a bookmark |
| 356 | The Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star {GABF09} | None |
| 357 | Bonfire of the Manatees {GABF18} | Does any kid still do this anymore? |
| 358 | The Girl Who Slept Too Little {GABF16} | None |
| 359 | Milhouse of Sand and Fog {GABF19} | None |
| 360 | Treehouse of Horror XVI {GABF17} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 361 | Marge's Son Poisoning {GABF20} | None |
| 362 | See Homer Run {GABF21} | None |
| 363 | The Last of the Red Hat Mamas {GABF22} | None |
| 364 | The Italian Bob {HABF02} | None |
| 365 | Simpsons Christmas Stories {HABF01} | None |
| 366 | Homer's Paternity Coot {HABF03} | I am not smarter than the President |
| 367 | We're on the Road to D'ohwhere {HABF04} | Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual |
| 368 | My Fair Laddy {HABF05} | None |
| 369 | The Seemingly Never-Ending Story {HABF06} | None |
| 370 | Bart Has Two Mommies {HABF07} | None |
| 371 | Homer Simpson, This is Your Wife {HABF08} | I will not laminate dog doo |
| 372 | Million Dollar Abie {HABF09} | I will not flip the classroom upside down |
| 373 | Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore {HABF10} | None |
| 374 | The Wettest Stories Ever Told {HABF11} | None |
| 375 | Girls Just Want to Have Sums {HABF12} | None |
| 376 | Regarding Margie {HABF13} | I will not leak the plot of the movie |
| 377 | The Monkey Suit {HABF14} | Je ne parle pas Français |
| 378 | Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play {HABF16} | Have a great summer, everyone |
| 379 | The Mook, the Chef, the Wife, and Her Homer {HABF15} | None |
| 380 | Jazzy and the Pussycats {HABF18} | None |
| 381 | Please Homer Don't Hammer 'Em {HABF20} | None |
| (Principal Skinner) A baby beat me up | ||
| 382 | Treehouse of Horror XVII {HABF17} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 383 | G.I. "D'oh" {HABF21} | We are not all naked under our clothes |
| 384 | Moe'N'A Lisa {HABF19} | None |
| 385 | Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair) {HABF22} | None |
| 386 | The Haw-Hawed Couple {JABF02} | None |
| 387 | Kill Gil, Volumes 1 & 2 {JABF01} | Frankincense is not a monster |
| 388 | The Wife Aquatic {JABF03} | None |
| 389 | Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times {JABF05} | None |
| 390 | Little Big Girl {JABF04} | None |
| 391 | Springfield Up {JABF07} | None |
| So long, suckers | ||
| 392 | Yokel Chords {JABF09} | None |
| 393 | Rome-old and Juli-eh {JABF08} | None |
| 394 | Homerazzi {JABF06} | Global warming did not eat my homework |
| 395 | Marge Gamer {JABF10} | None |
| 396 | The Boys of Bummer {JABF11} | None |
| 397 | Crook and Ladder {JABF13} | I will not look up what teacher makes |
| 398 | Stop or My Dog Will Shoot {JABF12} | Pearls are not oyster barf |
| 399 | 24 Minutes {JABF14} | None - 24 opening used |
| 400 | You Kent Always Say What You Want {JABF15} | None |
| 401 | He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs {JABF20} | I will not wait 20 years to make another movie |
| 402 | Homer of Seville {JABF18} | The Wall Street Journal is better than ever |
| 403 | Midnight Towboy {JABF21} | None |
| 404 | I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings {JABF19} | I am not an FDIC-insured bank |
| 405 | Treehouse of Horror XVIII {JABF16} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 406 | Little Orphan Millie {JABF22} | There is no such thing as an iPoddy |
| 407 | Husbands and Knives {JABF17} | The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens |
| 408 | Funeral for a Fiend {KABF01} | None |
| 409 | Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind {KABF02} | The capital of Montana is not "Hannah" |
| 410 | E Pluribus Wiggum {KABF03} | Teacher did not pay too much for her condo |
| 411 | That 90's Show {KABF04} | None |
| 412 | Love, Springfieldian Style {KABF05} | None |
| 413 | The Debarted {KABF06} | The art teacher is fat, not pregnant |
| 414 | Dial 'N' for Nerder {KABF07} | None |
| 415 | Smoke on the Daughter {KABF08} | None |
| 416 | Papa Don't Leech {KABF09} | None |
| 417 | Apocalypse Cow {KABF10} | A person's a person no matter how Ralph |
| 418 | Any Given Sundance {KABF11} | None |
| 419 | Mona Leaves-a {KABF12} | This punishment is not medieval |
| 420 | All About Lisa {KABF13} | None |
| 421 | Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes {KABF17} | None |
| 422 | Lost Verizon {KABF15} | Teacher's diet is working |
| 423 | Double, Double, Boy in Trouble {KABF14} | There's no such month as "Rocktober" |
| 424 | Treehouse of Horror XIX {KABF16} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 425 | Dangerous Curves {KABF18} | I did not see teacher siphoning gas |
| 426 | Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words {KABF19} | None |
| 427 | Mypods and Boomsticks {KABF20} | Prosperity is just around the corner |
| I will not bring the chalkboard home | ||
| 428 | The Burns and the Bees {KABF21} | Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas |
| 429 | Lisa the Drama Queen {KABF22} | I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard |
| 430 | Take My Life, Please {LABF01} | HDTV is worth every cent |
| 431 | How the Test Was Won {LABF02} | "March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school |
| 432 | No Loan Again, Naturally {LABF03} | I will not have fun with educational toys |
| 433 | Gone Maggie Gone {LABF04} | None |
| 434 | In the Name of the Grandfather {LABF11} | Four-leaf clovers are not mutant freaks |
| 435 | Wedding for Disaster {LABF05} | My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds |
| 436 | Eeny Teeny Maya Moe {LABF06} | None |
| 437 | The Good, the Sad and the Drugly {LABF07} | I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone |
| 438 | Father Knows Worst {LABF08} | I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy |
| 439 | Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh {LABF10} | None |
| 440 | Four Great Women and a Manicure {LABF09} | None |
| 441 | Coming to Homerica {LABF12} | It's "Facebook," not "Assbook" |
| 442 | Homer the Whopper {LABF13} | The class hamster isn't just sleeping |
| 443 | Bart Gets a "Z" {LABF15} | Chalkboarding is not torture |
| 444 | The Great Wife Hope {LABF16} | I am not allergic to long division |
| 445 | Treehouse of Horror XX {LABF14} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 446 | The Devil Wears Nada {LABF17} | I do not have the hots for my mom |
| 447 | Pranks and Greens {LABF18} | Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass |
| 448 | Rednecks and Broomsticks {LABF19} | Teachers' unions are not ruining the country |
| 449 | O Brother, Where Bart Thou? {MABF01} | None |
| 450 | Thursdays with Abie {MABF02} | None |
| 451 | Once Upon a Time in Springfield {LABF20} | The world may end in 2012 but this show won't |
| 452 | Million-Dollar Maybe {MABF03} | None |
| 453 | Boy Meets Curl {MABF05} | None |
| 454 | The Color Yellow {MABF06} | None |
| 455 | Postcards from the Wedge {MABF04} | None |
| 456 | Stealing First Base {MABF07} | World War II could not beat up World War I |
| 457 | The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed {MABF10} | None |
| 458 | American History X-cellent {MABF08} | Hot dogs are not bookmarks |
| 459 | Chief of Hearts {MABF09} | This counts as gym and art class |
| 460 | The Squirt and the Whale {MABF14} | South Park - we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared |
| (alternate) Je ne suis pas Français | ||
| 461 | To Surveil with Love {MABF12} | None |
| 462 | Moe Letter Blues {MABF13} | Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present |
| 463 | The Bob Next Door {MABF11} | Batman is not "nothing without his utility belt" |
| 464 | Judge Me Tender {MABF15} | End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us. |
| 465 | Elementary School Musical {MABF21} | When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio |
| 466 | Loan-a Lisa {MABF17} | I did not see teacher applying for welfare |
| 467 | MoneyBART {MABF18} | I must not write all over the walls |
| 468 | Treehouse of Horror XXI {MABF16} | None - "Treehouse of Horror" episode |
| 469 | Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life {MABF20} | None |
| 470 | The Fool Monty {NABF01} | None |
| 471 | How Munched is that Birdie in the Window? {NABF02} | "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas" |
| 472 | The Fight Before Christmas {MABF22} | None |
| 473 | Donnie Fatso {MABF19} | Candy canes are not elf bones |
| 474 | Moms I'd Like to Forget {NABF03} | January is not Bart History Month |
| 475 | Flaming Moe {NABF04} | None |
| 476 | Homer the Father {NABF05} | Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King |
| 477 | The Blue and the Gray {NABF06} | I will not make fun of Cupid's dink |
| 478 | Angry Dad: The Movie {NABF07} | None |
| 479 | The Scorpion's Tale {NABF08} | I'm not here on a spitball scholarship |
| 480 | A Midsummer's Nice Dream {NABF09} | "Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank |
| 481 | Love is a Many Strangled Thing {NABF10} | I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket |
| (Homer) I'm a grown man who's scared of his own son | ||
| 482 | The Great Simpsina {NABF11} | None |
| 483 | The Real Housewives of Fat Tony {NABF12} | None |
| 484 | Homer Scissorhands {NABF13} | I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother" |
| 485 | 500 Keys {NABF14} | It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall |
| (alternate) Guinea pigs should not be used as "guinea pigs" | ||
| 486 | The Ned-liest Catch {NABF15} | None |
| The Simpsons Movie | I will not illegally download this movie | |