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Milhist stuff edit
- Simple vocabulary. Choose basic rather than elaborate words (the battle started, not the battle commenced; the landing was completed in an hour, not within an hour, unless you want to imply that an hour was some kind of deadline). There are more suggestions for plain word-choice here.
- Simple grammar. Like vocabulary, simple grammatical structures are preferred. Here's an example:
It was decided by Admiral Friedrich von Ingenohl, the commander of the High Seas Fleet, that another raid on the English coast was to be carried out."
It's indirect, over-elaborate and wordy.Admiral Friedrich von Ingenohl, the commander of the High Seas Fleet, decided to carry out another raid on the English coast.
Or "had decided", depending on the context.- Long snakes! Avoid long, winding sentences; they're too taxing on your readers' working memory. They can typically be split in two using a semicolon or a period (full-stop):
Derfflinger was part of the First Scouting Group for most of World War I, and was involved in several fleet actions during the war, taking part in the bombardments of English coastal towns, as well as the Battles of Dogger Bank and Jutland, where her stubborn resistance led to the British nicknaming her "Iron Dog".
But how will you make the split?Redundancy edit
Redundancy, rather than poor grammar and spelling, is the biggest source of problems in prose. A smooth read requires no wasted words: simple as that. All good writing is lean; it's an acquired skill—an attitude that, with practice, you can switch on easily. Here's an example.
A copy of The Times informed von Reuter that the Armistice was to expire at noon on 21 June 1919, which was the deadline by which Germany was to have signed the peace treaty.
Consider trying out your skills on more "weeding" exercises, here.
Precision edit
Be precise where possible. The campaign involved the capture of Japanese bases in the Admiralty Islands. If it's not mentioned elsewhere in the article, ask the content-writers how many bases there were. Could be interesting: The campaign involved the capture of the three Japanese bases in the Admiralty Islands (a fourth had been abandoned by the Japanese in February 1943).
Unnecessary sequence words edit
A lot of MilHist involves telling a story. Stories are strings of actions and facts, and once the reader knows it's a narrative description of a battle or the development of a new military helicopter technology, you can usually strengthen the flow by removing such sequence items as "then", "in addition", "also", "next", and "after this" (ironic, isn't it).
Repetition edit
English is more particular than most languages about the close repetition of words. By this, we don't mean common grammatical words—such as "the" and "to"—but lexical items. The less frequently used the word normally is, the more the reader will notice its close repetition.
- Three occurrences of "attack(s)" were too many in this short space.
- In addition, we thought "latter attack" was pretty ugly, and substituted a more direct back-reference.
However, repetition isn't quite as simple as this. There's bad repetition, such as we've just looked at, and there's good repetition. Explicitly "back-referring" to an important word by repeating it can make the text more cohesive and sometimes avoids ambiguity.
As part of Operation Perch, a manoeuvre intended to encircle and capture the German-occupied city of Caen, the British 7th Armoured Division made an opportunistic attempt to drive into the German flank through a gap in the front line and to seize the town of Villers-Bocage. Although the troops were the Division was hampered by rain and strong winds and eventually withdrew ...
Consistency edit
Inconsistency in naming and formatting throughout an article makes the text subtly more difficult to read. Sifting through an article, using your memory of what has come before to pick up glitches, is a good exercise for editors who are relatively inexperienced at copy-editing. Here are just a few examples of common inconsistencies in the same article:
- A spaced en dash – like this – and then an unspaced em dash—like this—in an article.
- 6 January and then February 14.
- Major-General and later Major General.
- 1st Infantry Division and then First Infantry Division.
The straight line edit
Make the flow of consciousness simple. Often, MilHist articles need to describe a long, complex series of events; it can be hard to present such a narrative logically to readers, especially when you know the story well yourself. Here's an example from the lead of the otherwise good article, Admiralty Islands campaign, summarising the dramatic events. Remember that the non-expert readers know nothing yet—this is their first taste of the dramatic scenario. Make a mental note of the queries many readers would have in the second paragraph. Don't expect them to divert to the links right now.
The Admiralty Islands campaign (Operation Brewer) was a series of battles in the New Guinea campaign of World War II in which the United States 1st Cavalry Division assaulted Japanese bases in the Admiralty Islands.
Acting on reports from airmen that there were no signs of enemy activity and that the islands may have been evacuated, General Douglas MacArthur accelerated his timetable and ordered a reconnaissance in force of the islands. The campaign started on 29 February 1944 when a small force was landed on a beach on Los Negros Island. By landing on a small beach where the Japanese did not anticipate a landing attempt, the force achieved tactical surprise, but the islands proved to be far from unoccupied. A furious battle developed for control of the Admiralty Islands that was fought out on the islands, in the surrounding waters, and in the air above.Here's the second paragraph alone.
Acting on reports from airmen that there were no signs of enemy activity and that the islands may have been evacuated, General Douglas MacArthur accelerated his timetable [what timetable?] and ordered a reconnaissance in force [what's that?]. The campaign started on 29 February 1944 when a small force was landed on a beach on Los Negros Island [I guess that's one of the Admiralty Islands]. By landing on a small beach where the Japanese did not anticipate a landing attempt, [err ... I thought they expected to find no Japanese] the force achieved tactical surprise, but the islands proved to be far from unoccupied. A furious battle ensued for the control of the Admiralty Islands that was fought out on the islands, [Islands ... islands? Ah, read on.] in the surrounding waters and in the air.Here's one possible solution, with additions underlined:
Acting on reports from airmen that there were no signs of enemy activity and that the islands may have been evacuated, General Douglas MacArthur accelerated his timetable for the Operation and ordered a reconnaissance in force. This limited offensive to gauge the enemy's reaction started on 29 February 1944 when a small force landed on a secluded beach on Los Negros Island, one of the three main islands in the group. Despite this tactical surprise, it soon became evident that the islands had not been evacuated at all, and the Division was immediately forced into a furious land, sea and air battle to win control.