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Template:Did you know nominations/Flail Space Model

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Allen3 talk 14:15, 3 September 2015 (UTC)

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Flail Space Model edit

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Created by Jarvis4340 (talk). Nominated by APerson (talk) at 02:27, 29 July 2015 (UTC).

  • The hooks doesn't read well with "model models". Perhaps this should be changed to read "model shows"? (though I understand it could be a scientific term that need to be used). Hook is interesting, short enough (113 characters), but there is no reference in the article to support it. The article itself is new enough and long enough (c. 3000 characters). All the references are off-line so AGF for them. QPQ completed. Overall, unless a reference can be given for the hook and the article brought up to a higher standard (it has only one category, one section has no links, it doesn't use accessible language etc) this should be rejected. Gaia Octavia Agrippa Talk 19:50, 30 August 2015 (UTC)
    Gaia Octavia Agrippa, regarding the article, I'll add more categories for the article and links for the section now. The language seems fine to me for the purposes of this nomination, although it might be considered a bit technical. The original hook would have been interesting, but since I evidently forgot to check for a citation in the article, here's a new one:
  • The first sentence should be revised:"The Flail Space Model (often abbreviated as FSM)describes how a hypothetical occuupant moves within and interacts with the passenger compartment during a vehicle collision with a roadside feature such as a guardrail or crash cushion." The third sentence should be revised to01:21, 31 August 2015 (UTC)2602:304:B017:5270:2580:F7B3:DDC0:7845 (talk)
  • read: "The FSM eliminates the complexity and expense of using anthropometric dummies which are also deemed unsuitable for the prolonged duration of vehicle to roadside featire collisions." 2602:304:B017:5270:2580:F7B3:DDC0:7845 (talk) 01:21, 31 August 2015 (UTC)Jarvis4340
    Jarvis, I'd prefer a hook that can be directly cited by a paper. The hook above - that vehicle-feature impacts are where the FSM is the most useful - has a direct citation to an article. As seen above, I originally wanted to use the "FSM eliminates the hassle of crash test dummies" fact, but due to the lack of a citation I couldn't. If you can find a source that says that, however, it would be usable for a hook. APerson (talk!) 03:18, 31 August 2015 (UTC)
  • Original hook rejected. Alt1 is of adequate length (c. 170 characters), interesting and cited inline (AGF for off line ref). However, the article still has issues: one section has no references at all, a general clean up needs to take place to convert references to inline citations (just one example; "on page 149, it is stated" needs to be a citation rather than a statement in the main text). It is moving in the right derection though improvements need to be made before it can be linked from the Main Page. Gaia Octavia Agrippa Talk 18:44, 31 August 2015 (UTC)
    Gaia Octavia Agrippa, can you take another look at it? I added references to the "Details" section (and fixed it up a little), and converted references to inline citations. APerson (talk!) 01:49, 1 September 2015 (UTC)
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