Template:Did you know nominations/Christmas Lullaby

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 22:50, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

Christmas Lullaby edit

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... that John Rutter wrote the lyrics for his choral composition Christmas Lullaby, beginning with "Clear in the darkness", and the refrain with "Ave Maria"? Source: [1]

Comment: As it's a bit late for Christmas, I'd suggest my 2017 Christmas gift for 1 January, St. Mary's Day.

Created by Gerda Arendt (talk). Self-nominated at 14:14, 24 December 2017 (UTC).

New, long enough, within policy. No unacceptable paraphrasing noticed by me.
Hook: format is OK, but I'm not convinced it's interesting, or even in fact coherent. Do you simply mean he wrote the text of the carol? What is so significant about "Clear in the darkness" that it is in bold in the article? Do you mean simply that the lullaby is in three stanzas, each ending with "Ave Maria", and the first verse commencing with the words "Clear in the darkness"? In that case I'd say it's hard to qualify as interesting. How about, e.g., ALT1 : ... that John Rutter wrote the lyrics for his choral composition Christmas Lullaby to celebrate the 70th birthday of David Willcocks?

* QPQ awaited?

*

at the moment.... --Smerus (talk) 23:00, 26 December 2017 (UTC)

Thank you for looking. I forgot to mention the qpq: Template:Did you know nominations/Angeline Murimirwa. The incipit is a redirect (or will be). If we drop the clear light in darkness (too often missed), can we at least mention the Ave Maria, which is unusual for a Christmas song? - You and I know Willcocks, but how many of our average readers? Sadly. In our playlist for Christmas, two pieces were arranged by Willcocks. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 23:11, 26 December 2017 (UTC)

OK then, how about ALT2:... that John Rutter wrote the lyrics for his choral composition Christmas Lullaby, with the refrain "Ave Maria" at the end of each verse?" Does that feel OK to you? If so it's by me. --Smerus (talk) 09:17, 27 December 2017 (UTC)

Sorry, no ;) - I thought a refrain is normally at the end of each verse, no? - I don't know if you followed my Christmas gifts, they have come with a message, such as "sing peace" in 2016 (from my dad's favourite carol, - he died that year), laughter in 2015 (when I had health problems), - why not clarity this year? I don't fail to still see some darkness ;) --Gerda Arendt (talk) 09:56, 27 December 2017 (UTC)

Well, try ALT3:... that John Rutter wrote the lyrics for his choral composition Christmas Lullaby, each verse with the refrain "Ave Maria"?" --Smerus (talk) 10:04, 27 December 2017 (UTC)

Fine with me, thank you. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 19:34, 28 December 2017 (UTC)

OK then, good to go with ALT 3 -- Smerus (talk) 19:58, 28 December 2017 (UTC)

@Gerda Arendt: what do you think about making the hook tighter, like:
ALT3a: ... that John Rutter's Christmas Lullaby has the refrain "Ave Maria" after each verse? Yoninah (talk) 22:35, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

Or:
ALT4: ... that in his choral composition Christmas Lullaby, John Rutter showed reverence for Mary by ending each stanza with the refrain "Ave Maria"? Yoninah (talk) 22:37, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

Well, we'd miss that he himself wrote the lyrics, something he normally doesn't (writing arrangements of hymns and biblical texts). It's Mary, mother of Jesus, btw. But then, who cares. We have a hook on the Main page which was reworded to miss a pronoun and a comma. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:43, 15 January 2018 (UTC)

@Gerda Arendt: No problem. I'll promote ALT3. Yoninah (talk) 22:48, 15 January 2018 (UTC)