Talk:Yuta Okkotsu/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TeenAngels1234 (talk · contribs) 08:10, 9 April 2022 (UTC)

• I'm gonna review this.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 08:10, 9 April 2022 (UTC)

• "...is a fictional character from, and the protagonist of, ..."

Can you simplify? Because that way it's a little weird to read.

• • Done. For some reason I found this redundant way of calling a protagonist
• " as a character he would not properly develop."

This is not very clear. He intentionally created him undeveloped, then? Or did he create him by doing JJK first and then he couldn't develop him?

• • Revised. Akutami first created the characters and then thought about 0.
• "whose initial characterizations are similar but the two charatcers"
  • Revised

The repetition of the subject is a bit odd.

• • Revised @TeenAngels1234:
• "Staff members praised Ogata's performance"
  • Revised
• "Yuta has been a popular character within the series."

This seems to contradict what was said earlier.

• • Revised

That's all for the lead.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 12:08, 10 April 2022 (UTC)

@TeenAngels1234:Sorry. I had no idea you started reviewing this. If possible could you ping me?Tintor2 (talk) 20:05, 13 April 2022 (UTC)

@Tintor2: Don't worry. I'm not stringent on timing. Meanwhile I continue, then.TeenAngels1234 (talk) 19:06, 14 April 2022 (UTC)

• "Yuta and Rika were created as a combo for the manga". What does it mean? It's not clear.
  • Akutami used that phrase but not exactly what. He claims that he created Yuta and Rika before the actual manga so I'll leave it quotation marks.
• "He never intended his series Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical School to be serialized". It seems like an incision that is not very relevant to what comes next. I would rewrite.
  • Revised
• "Akutami enjoyed writing a scene". Is it important?
  • Rewrote. At first it seems minor but the fact that he decided to remake it makes it feel important
• "For the series, Akutami teased readers with the possibility Yuta might be romantically involved with another woman since Rika's death". This sentence also seems unrelated to the rest, written like this. I would reword.
  • Removed. Ogata is kinda used to voicing male characters with exceptions.
• "Park said ... more characters from the manga". A bit odd about the "flight of fancy" between this and the rest of the section. Can you rewrite this as well? Because then I don't understand the sentence and what relevance it has to the production of the character itself.
• "Ogata's job surprised them because Yuta is a young male being voiced by a woman". I don't find it very relevant, honestly.
• Rephrased.

@Tintor2: Generally speaking, I'd like a few more binders between sentences. Nothing excessive. An extra "also", "therefore/moreover", nothing much.TeenAngels1234 (talk) 19:14, 14 April 2022 (UTC)

@TeenAngels1234: Done. Reorganized a bit these sections to generate to avoid repeating names and make it easier to follow.Tintor2 (talk) 20:42, 14 April 2022 (UTC)

• "The actress describes Yuta as an attractive character because he becomes stronger when interacting with others". I think it's better suited for Characterization.
  • Done.
• "She read the manga and was surprised by Yuta's action sequences in the animation. Rika's actress Kana Hanazawa looked forward to interacting with Ogata when the film was in development". It sounds superfluous to me.
  • Done
• Ditto for "When the film premiered, Ogata said she was satisfied with her work and looked forward to her future projects", "In response to that, Ogata praised Hanazawa's work as Rika" and "When Ogata saw the film's ending in the secret, she became emotional about it and was also grateful for her work".
  • Done

@Tintor2: That's all for now. I'm still currently extremely busy with university, so I'm kinda slow. Sorry.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 18:46, 15 April 2022 (UTC) @TeenAngels1234: No problem.Tintor2 (talk) 18:58, 15 April 2022 (UTC) @Tintor2: Okay. The article sounds fine to me.

• Nothing to say about "Characterization." I would rewrite a few passages though, because sometimes it seems like a bunch of notion without a binding thread. Again, an "also", "moreover", "similarly".
  • Done. Rearranged some parts.
• "The Mary Sue said Yuta's growth makes him appealing because he stops wanting to die, appreciates his life and becomes more sympathetic". Isn't it mentioned in Characterization?TeenAngels1234 (talk) 08:24, 17 April 2022 (UTC)
  • Done.Tintor2 (talk) 14:19, 17 April 2022 (UTC)

@TeenAngels1234: Okay. Everything's fine now. Passing.TeenAngels1234 (talk) 16:18, 18 April 2022 (UTC)