Talk:Your Love (Jamie Principle song)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Your Love (Jamie Principle song)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 12:48, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments

• "Lisa who he wrote the song about" Lisa, about whom he wrote the song.

Updated. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "where Principle was a frequent visitor" frequently visited by Principle.

Updated. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "Despite not having produced any original music before" no need for "before"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "Knuckles would take the song and add some small music to" would take -> took. And what is "small music"??!

Rephrased it. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "it to enthusiastic reception" an enthusiastic.

Changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "This version of the song..." which is "this" version?

Clarified. This is Knuckles' edit. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "played from tapes" do you mean "cassette tapes"?

I'm assuming cassette tapes? They only just say tapes on the sources. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "being different from later releases" whose later releases?

Basically when the song became publicly available to purchase. I've changed this slightly. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

• "This version was" which version? the one with the new bassline?

I've clarified this.

• "The song did not create the wave of house music in Chicago, which did not start... odd so this is a "not" and a "not"... so why?

Rephrased.

That's just the lead. I'll tackle more of this if we can get somewhere with these basic issues on introducing the topic. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 17:20, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Apologies. I feel like I always rush intros. I've cleaned it up. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:59, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

I'll take a further look in the next few days. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 21:50, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments

• "song was made" do you mean "written and performed by"?

I don't like saying produced as it sounds like a technical credit which wouldn't be apt. i've changed to created. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "Principle.[2] Principle" repetitive.

Re-phrased. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "Principle was not homosexual, and" repetitive start to consecutive sentences (might be resolved if you fix my previous comment) and no need to link basic terms like "homosexual".

Fixed, I think. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "He went to college for sound engineering classes" -> "He took sound engineering classes at college"

Fixed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "favourite" which variant of English are we using here?

Forgive me. i'm Canadian. :) Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "which Knuckles owned" he owned.
• Changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)
• "these clubs were "a" they were

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "the Finance industry " why capital F?

No reason. fixed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "and doing music " this reads very clumsily, can you re-word?

rephrased. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "relationships to remain more focused on making" -> "relationships and more on making"

Changed. 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "who the subject of the song" became?

Changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "that was written just for her" delete.

Agreed. done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "other credits was" credit.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "Prior to working with" Before working

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "not attempted to produce" not produced.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "with his partner" what sort of partner?

I don't believe it's a romantic partner, so i'll say music. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "he didn't" avoid contractions.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

That's the Production section done. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 15:08, 12 September 2021 (UTC)

Andrzejbanas coming back to this? The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 07:26, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

The Rambling Man, sorry about that, got a bit distracted this week. I've updated your suggestions. Andrzejbanas (talk) 13:04, 17 September 2021 (UTC)

• "Your Love" was played in clubs from tape for over" do you mean cassette?
• "cassette tape version played that played" needs fixing.
• "previously done remixing work for hire," rewrite, not professional writing.
• "italian" Italian.

You know what, I think this needs more help than I can offer at the GAN. I'm asking you to make fundamental and basic corrections to English which I would not expect to have to do at this stage. I suggest you send it to WP:GOCE to get it thoroughly copyedited, and that may take a few weeks to facilitate. I'm sorry but I'll fail this. Once it's copyedited and back up at GAN, drop me a line and I'll happily pick it up again so you don't have a lengthy wait at GAN. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 07:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Your Love (Jamie Principle song)/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:11, 7 January 2022 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

This looks decent, will start to review today! --K. Peake 09:11, 7 January 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• Remove refs from the infobox since they aren't needed for writing credits

I've moved the citations to the track listing section here. I think that should clarify it. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Chicago house genre needs to be written in the music area because one mention of a list later on is not sufficient

Not to be particular, but what rule breaks this? I feel a bit conflicted as calling this "Chicago house" (which I think in contemporary terms is fine), but not sure if such a regional term was used at the time, so I feel like the Rolling Stone article is fine enough. If not, i can try to dig something up, but how would you like me to approach this? Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Introduce who Bryan Walton really is because he's the main artist

Not sure what you mean here, i introduce him as Jamie Principle in the same sentence int he lead. What would you suggest here? Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "hearing Principle's demo version." → "hearing Principle's original version." per the body

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "where it was enthusiastically received." → "generating an enthusiastic reception."

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Knuckles' version of the song was" → "His version was"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "the track Knuckles played at" → "the edit Knuckles played at" since "the track" is not appropriate here

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Wikilink synthesizer

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Wikilink bassline

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Add "for the final release" after the above term instead of current stuff, as the release date has already been specified

Sure, but i've re-phrased it a pinch, because "final" sounds like, there hasn't been releases, remixes of it since, and their surely has been. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "is commonly credited to Frankie Knuckles despite it having" → "is often credited to Knuckles, despite having"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Remove the ref from the lead since this is not the appropriate place

I've been told in the past that if you have a quote, even if it's in the lead, it requires a citation. To balance this out, i've just re-phrased this slightly. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "The song was re-released" → "It was re-released"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "to Frankie Knuckles, with Principle being credited" → "to Knuckles, with Principle receiving credit"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "after the death of Frankie Knuckles, it re-entered the UK chart," → "after the death of Knuckles, it re-charted in the country,"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:48, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Production

Background

• "and was not very familiar with" → "and lacked familiarity with"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:56, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Pipe Prince to Prince (musician)

Guess that link changed at one point. I've updated it. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:56, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Depeche Mode and The Human League." → "Depeche Mode, and the Human League." per MOS:THEMUSIC

Sure. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:56, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "on "Your Love" but" → "on "Your Love", but"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:56, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "attending these clubs," → "attending the clubs,"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 19:56, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Writing and development

• You need to be specific rather than writing "during this period" at the start of a sub-section

Sure. Citation says 1982, so I've placed that here. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Principle said the song's" → "He said the song's"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:CITEKILL for [3] here, having it at the end of five consecutive sentences

Done, I think. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Principle began writing "Your Love" as a poem about Lisa but converted" → "He wrote "Your Love" as a poem about Lisa, before converting"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:CITEKILL for [4] at the "did not know at the time" sentence, but it can stay after the other two per one being a quote and the other ending the para

I think I've got this okay. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "and without Principle's knowledge, took the song to him and said" → "and after taking the song to him without Principle's knowledge, he said" to be less repetitive with earlier content

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:CITEKILL for [8] at the first sentence of para one; keep at the rest of the first few because of quotes

Done, I think. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Regarding the usage of [8] in the last three sentences, it should only be after the final one of the para

I've done it except for the place where there are direct quotes. Tell me what you think! Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:08, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Music and additional production

• The part about it being played on tape should not be in this section, especially when it's in the following one anyway

This is tricky for me, as I'm trying to state that the song was played in clubs, but it wasn't officialyl released yet and was not the same version people are more familiar with from the recording. What's a better way to phrase this? I've tried to clarify this. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Add the genre at the start of this section with appropriate source(s)

I think i've done this now. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Add a comma after DJ Mark "Hot Rod" Trollan

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "its synthesizer intro and a bass line" → "its synthesizer intro and a bassline" with the wikilinks

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "extensively samples an italian" → "takes inspiration from an Italian" per the source, unless this is an interpolation then write interpolates

I've re-phrased this, because i feel it's a big WP:EGG to link "disco" to Italo-disco which is a unique genre. But i've rephrsaed it anywaysAndrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "by Persona and Trax" → "by Persona and Trax Records" with the wikilink

fixed wikilink Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "followed by a bass line, and have only" → "followed by a bassline, and outside of"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "topics like [conscription] and that" → "[topics like conscription] and why I felt that" per actual paraphrasing

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk)

• "was not accepting" → "wasn't accepting" same as above

This is what happens when I'm quoting directly and trying to think i'm following wiki's rules. Formatted per request. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "and the song's" → "and stated the song's"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:27, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Release

• "The early versions of" → "The early version of" unless the former is correct, then use "were" instead of "was" and "they" instead of "it"

Fixed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:CITEKILL of [6] for the first sentence of para one, as it should be solely after the second sentence

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "When it was played" → "When the edit was played"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Add commas around "including "Your Love""

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "to Jamie Principle while later releases" → "to Principle, while later releases"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Remove wikilink on Trax Records

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "credited to Frankie Knuckles." → "credited to Knuckles."

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:CITEKILL for [2]; apart from the sentence using two refs, it should only be invoked after the last sentence of the para

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "to sign Jamie Principle." → "to sign Principle."

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Pipe 12" vinyl to Twelve-inch single

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "and is credited to Jamie Principle." → "and is solely credited to him."

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "many copies of Jamie Principle's records," → "many copies of the records," because we already know you are talking about his ones

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Remove wikilink on Trax Records

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "were credited with writing" → "were credited as songwriters for"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 20:39, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Reception and legacy

• "In a contemporaneous review," → "In a contemporaneous review of "Your Love,"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "(by Mark "Hot Rod" Tollan)" → "(by Mark 'Hot Rod' Tollan)" plus if this is not from the original source, then surround with []

It's in the original source. and updated. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Mention when "On and On" was released for context

To quote Johan Kugelberg in his liner notes for Big Apple Rappin', " Small record companies run by independent entrepreneurs hustling to make a buck, don't keep detailed documentation on the records they release" We have a copyright date on the record, but I don't feel comfortable adding a year like that which may not be accurate. I think from the sentence alone, people can gauge that it was around the same time. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Frank Brewton → Frank Broughton

Now that's an embarrassing one. Fixed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Are you sure "stream" is an appropriate term here?

Changed to "wave", which I think is what I meant here. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "and as equipment became more affordable, then people" → "while equipment became more affordable, they then"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Pipe John Holmes to John Holmes (actor)

Weird. Thought this was linked before. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "to be doing'."" → "to be doing.'"" per the position of the full-stop in the source

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Principle and Knuckles collaborate" → "Principle and Knuckles went on to collaborate"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "n 2014, Rolling Stone" → "In 2014, Rolling Stone"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "on its list of" → "on its list of the"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Lowercase the Source per MOS:THEMUSIC

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "who mixed it with a song sung by" → "who mixed it with a song of the same name by"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Pipe bootleg to Bootleg recording

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• "in the UK but" → "in the UK, but"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:20, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• The chart positions are not backed up by [14], as you have to click on another link to see them

I believe i've fixed this. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:28, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Track listing

• Good

References

• Copyvio score looks slick at 0%!!!!

😎 Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:33, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Ref 14 is currently a chart search URL, so replace with chart history and fix WP:OVERLINK of Official Charts Company

Fixed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:33, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Sources

• Wikilink Grove Press

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:33, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Fix MOS:QWQ issues with Insomniac and Vice sources

I think I've fixed it with the Insomniac one. Not sure what the issues is with "Vice". Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:33, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

• Wikilink The Guardian on the first one instead of the second

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:33, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

External links

• Add a comma after YouTube for correct separation

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:33, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict

•  On hold until all of the issues are fixed; that went very well! --K. Peake 13:58, 7 January 2022 (UTC)

Hey hey @Kyle Peake:. I think i've tackled most things, I had few questions along the way that maybe you could address. Thanks for your patience with me on this one. Andrzejbanas (talk) 21:34, 15 January 2022 (UTC)

Andrzejbanas I am relieved to see you have responded by now and your strong effort here is definitely commendable; the only problems I have are that you should use the American house artist introduction in the lead and remove the double speech marks from that Vice ref. Also, I advise you to always have infobox genres written out in music sections since any mere mention in reception is not the appropriate context for sourcing them, sources should be invoked after any sentences using direct quoting like you've done after my suggestions and the clubs brief mention in music is fine per its relevance. --K. Peake 09:04, 16 January 2022 (UTC)

Hey hey. I've added what I think you requested here. (I've added the genre part to the "Music" section as well earlier). I may be misunderstanding the quote section on Vice but I think that's everything. Andrzejbanas (talk) 11:16, 16 January 2022 (UTC)

✓ Pass now, I removed the redundant usage of the word "the" in the lead during a slight copyedit! --K. Peake 19:07, 17 January 2022 (UTC)