Talk:Seekers (novel series)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:53, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

Hello, dear Derild! You might remember me from MOTD. This is a nice article, simply written, informative, and readable. :) I've done a quick see-through, though, and found a few okay, nitpicky, merciless person that I am, a bunch of concerns. Here they are! Clementina talk 12:59, 16 October 2010 (UTC)

• Seekers follows four young bear cubs: Kallik (a polar bear), Lusa (a black bear), Ujurak (a small grizzly bear who can change into any animal), and Toklo (a grizzly bear). I think "...follows the adventures of..." might sound better.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• Dogs were considered but rejected because they were too close to cats in their hierarchal social organization, their pack and hunting lifestyles, and their territoriality. <--"their" is unnecessary in its second and third usage.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• The company wanted her to write another series on animals just not about cats. This sounds slightly awkward, maybe a comma or two will make it flow more smoothly.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• HarperCollins suggested dogs, but Holmes "was reluctant...they guard their territories".. Direct quotes need direct references. The statement about HarperCollins suggesting dogs especially needs a reference because it's referred to in the introduction.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• "the all-action excitement that the Erins love so much". Same here.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• the company then thought about horses knowing how Holmes also like them.. This sentence sounds a bit awkward, too (there's something grammatically incorrect in that sentence, methinks, but unfortunately, I'm too dumb to lay my finger on it myself).
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• ...the main inspiration for the series is Inuit beliefs and the Native American languages The great grammar mystery..again.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• Lusa means black in Choctaw while Kallik means lightning or storm in Inuit.[2] Shouldn't Choctaw be linked to Choctaw language?
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• However, even there, Ujurak, who leads the journey feels that they need to go further, into the Arctic. I think a comma after "journey" might make the prose smoother.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• Seekers follows four young bear cubs: Kallik (a polar bear), Lusa (a black bear), Ujurak (a small grizzly bear who can change into any animal), and Toklo (a grizzly bear). Here, a serial comma is used, while in other examples such as Lusa, Kallik and Toklo and The Last Wilderness, Fire in the Sky and Spirits in the Stars. the extra comma is omitted. Either can be used, but it has to be consistent throughout the article.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• The "First Series" section could be expanded quite a lot, I think (especially since the books don't get articles of their own yet).
  • Generally, the plot is the least impoartant section o any series or book article as this it is considered to be fluff if too much detail is added. I've expanded it a bit though I plan to create to the book articles that have enough notability. Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• Children's Literature picked up the environmental theme, it also commented themes such as "commented on" is probably better.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• approach --- three bears mdash;, mdash;, otherwise you crash..
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• "She also cleverly deals with the theme of racism through a unique and honest approach --- three bears of different color, different backgrounds and different beliefs turn to each other for survival and friendship"
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• Kirkus Review thought "Hunter creates a richly sensuous world filled with cruelty, beauty, tenderness, savagery and just enough underlying legendary background to add mystery"; they also wrote that too much detail went into developing the characters and setting and there was very little plot.[7] At first they're complimenting the book, and then they're "also" criticizing it. Maybe something along the lines of ...mystery"; however, they criticized the weakness of the plot and the excessive detail in character development and setting.
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
• "Other media" could simply be "External links", no? :)
  • Done Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)

All in all, this article has a solid base and good references, but it needs much improvement to get there. I'm sure thattyping like crazy waay after midnight and getting up in the morning with bleary, bloodshot eyes some good effort will benefit it greatly, though. Keep up the good work! Love, Clementina talk 12:59, 16 October 2010 (UTC)

I'll start working on this tomorrow as I have somewhere to go tonight. Thanks for the review! Derild4921☼ 23:22, 16 October 2010 (UTC)

I just striked everything off since I think I did it though I'm not sure. Anything else I miss? Derild4921☼ 01:41, 19 October 2010 (UTC)

Great job, Derild! *dances* No, I don't think you've missed anything, but I have, so here they are I know, I know...Clementina, couldn't you stir a finger instead of ordering innocent people around? ;)...

• In the introduction, it says that Lusa "means moon in Choctaw." Then in the next section, it says that Lusa means "black" in Choctaw. Which?
• Overall, it would be nice if the prose could be somewhat strengthened.
• Holmes liked the idea and decided to have one of the bears have the same ability which allowed him to "infiltrate a human community without them guessing the truth". Direct quotation, needs a reference (including its claim of being inspired by a shaman).
• ...she decided to research Native American <--this sounds slightly awkward.
• However, even there, Ujurak, who leads the journey, feels that they need to go further, into the Arctic The, many, commas, make, the, sentence, feel, a, bit, choppy. :)
• The first one, Toklo's Story, was released on February 9, 2010 <-- "one" isn't necessary
• Publishers Weekly praised the suspenseful ending of the first book and thought readers would find great interest in the bears' struggle to survive. Booklist felt that the first book had an "interesting balance of cute anthropomorphic characterization and realistic attention to bear behaviors". This needs a reference.
• School Library Journal wrote "From the first page, this story is exciting and refreshing" and "[t]he plot is fast paced, and the author is apt at creating and sustaining the adrenaline-charged mood of these youngsters on their own". I believe this needs a reference as well.
• Kirkus Review thought "Hunter creates a richly sensuous world filled with cruelty, beauty, tenderness, savagery and just enough underlying legendary background to add mystery"; However, the reviewer also felt... after the semicolon, "However" shouldn't be capitalized; I also think that simply ending the sentence there with a period might make the whole flow more smoothly.
• The websites in the "External links" should be bulleted. it's prettier ;)

Hope this isn't too overwhelming, and thanks for fixing my last cruel comments so well. :) Sincerely, Clementina talk 13:27, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

• • I've fixed the reference comments and will get working on the prose as soon as I have time, sometime this week. Thanks! Derild4921☼ 20:21, 20 October 2010 (UTC)

Sounds great! If it's not too much trouble, would you please drop me a line if you finish the list, as I might miss it on my watchlist? Thanks so much, Clementina talk 12:41, 28 October 2010 (UTC)

I've gone through with a copyedit and will also post a request to GOCE. Anything else? Derild4921☼ 21:10, 29 October 2010 (UTC)

Has this review been finished? No updates in a few weeks save for the writer asking if there's anything else. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:47, 21 November 2010 (UTC)

Nevermind, just checked the reviewer's page. I'll take a look at this article myself then soon and wrap the review up. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:48, 21 November 2010 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:

• The pic in the infobox is quite large, and should be shrunk to meet non-free criteria standards. The second one's fine, so shrink it to about where that is. Done
• Refs 1 and 10 should have accessdates. Done
• Punctuation should go inside the ending quote marks, rather than outside. Done
• Any ETA on when the sixth book might be released? If not that's no big deal. I found it at the end of the article; it should probably be moved higher in the article so readers aren't left wondering the whole way through. Done
• "their homes and habitats. .[6]" double punctuation there. Done

I'll put the article on hold for a few days and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:33, 5 December 2010 (UTC)

Everything looks good now, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 01:24, 6 December 2010 (UTC)