Talk:Rhys Lawson

comments on the article

Just some thoughts while reading this

• "He believes Erinsborough is a bit of a backwater and sees himself more as a city guy" in the lead is virtually a direct copy of the quote later - it must be paraphrased or put into quotes again here.
  • Done.
• "he received the part of Rhys" - surely he won the part, or was awarded the part, or was cast as ?
  • Done.
• Source which explains a lot about why Rhys is the way he is, article would explain a lot more about why Rhys is the way he is - in this, and some other places, there is text taken from the referenced quote without much rephrasing at all but not placed in quotes. It either needs to be rewritten in original words or presented as a quotation.
• In the storylines section there are a very large number of sentences that start "Rhys does x". They read as a dot-point list. This section needs work to turn it into prose.
  • Hopefully done.

- Peripitus (Talk) 10:36, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

Thank you for your comments. - JuneGloom Talk 13:43, 18 May 2012 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Rhys Lawson/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Glimmer721 (talk · contribs) 15:25, 20 May 2012 (UTC)

Will review soon. Glimmer721 ^talk 15:25, 20 May 2012 (UTC)

Comments:

• "The actor was appearing in another Australian soap opera when he was cast in the role of Rhys" - don't think this is important enough for the lead
  • Removed.
• Lead: which characters do Fletcher and Woodburne play, and what is their relationship to Rhys?
  • Done.
• "His casting announcement came as the show lost regular cast member Scott McGregor." - what character did McGregor play?
  • Added.
• "going through a rocky patch in their marriage" - "rocky patch" is kind of slang; try something like "hard time" to make it more accessible, especially to those new to English
  • Done.
• "Kate feels awkward about the whole thing" → "Kate feels awkward about it" (or some other synonym)
  • Done.
• "He does not any expectations of Kate" - missing word here
  • Done
• "The actor added that sparks fly between Rhys and Kate, as he knows how to press her buttons." Are the idioms "sparks fly" and "press her buttons" direct quotes? If so, they should be in quotes. If not, they should probably be rewritten. See WP:IDIOM
  • Done.
• Link Holy Grail
  • Done.
• "Rhys initially treats Chris at the hospital after he is bashed" - does "bashed" refer to being beaten up/bullied? By who or what?
  • Clarified.
• "Barber explained that Kate's feelings about the matter mean nothing" - should be "means"
  • Done.
• "Rhys flirts with Jade Mitchell (Gemma Pranita), but she knocks him back." What does "knocks him back" mean?
  • How about "rebuffs"?
• "Kyle gets punched..." by who? Rhys?
  • Clarified.
• "Rhys gets a hangover" - link hangover
  • Done.
• Also link hospice
  • Done.
• "Rhys treats Chris Pappas (James Mason) after he is attacked, but fails to get him to stay for his x-rays." - Wasn't the X in "x-rays" capitalized above?
  • Done.
• "Aidan Foster (Bobby Morley) spots that Chris has a broken rib, which is pressing on his lung and Rhys finds him collapsed on the floor of Fitzgerald Motors." Make bolded corrections
  • Done.
• "Rhys treats Susan when she has an MS relapse..." Like "MS" to "multiple sclerosis", or spell it out (and link)
  • Done.
• What's the reliabilty of Shadowlocked.com? ([1])
  • I was in two minds about whether to add it or not. I checked out the writers/editors page and this one - [2], which appears to show the website's articles have been published by third-party publications. I'm pretty sure it's not a fansite or a blog and the content does not appear to be user-generated. I do rather like the quote, but if the source doesn't meet WP:RS it can go.

The rest looks good enough. Will put on hold for 7 days. Glimmer721 ^talk 17:10, 20 May 2012 (UTC)

Oops, only just seen this. I'll get to work asap. Thank you Glimmer for taking this one on too! - JuneGloom Talk 00:19, 22 May 2012 (UTC)

Sorry for the delayed response; I've been preoccupied with the BBC changing their website. I like Shadowlocked's quote too, but I really don't think the website is realiable. The websites that have republished their content aren't the most high-quality sources and also just seem to be sharing opinion pieces around the web. Glimmer721 ^talk 20:11, 24 May 2012 (UTC)

No problem, I've been through the same thing with the Channel 5 website. Shame about the quote, but I've removed it. - JuneGloom Talk 21:57, 24 May 2012 (UTC)

Okay. I will pass now. Glimmer721 ^talk 23:46, 24 May 2012 (UTC)

Thank you! - JuneGloom Talk 23:59, 24 May 2012 (UTC)