Talk:Rhadamistus/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ChrisGualtieri (talk · contribs) 07:00, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

Unfortunately, this review will be short. The article does not meet the WP:LEAD requirements, but the issue with the prose is going to be a major concern. It'll need a copyedit with care to the documents.

Example of grammar and comma usage

• He was considered an usurper....
• Meanwhile his father, Pharasmanes invented a....

Examples of context

• is mother was an unnamed Armenian princess of the Artaxiad dynasty - She should certainly had a name, but it is unknown. To say "unnamed" is to imply without a name.
• Pharasmanes with his own declining years feared usurpation - Means age, but could be clearer.
• "but with an "artful measures" which would crush him unawares" - What does this mean?
• " smothered his uncle" - is a surprise link to Avunculicide - please remove it.

Fixing this is also more difficult with the references that are not cited properly. While some citations are lacking, it is the way in which they are left incomplete which makes identifying the source more difficult. Please fill them in. Example "Annals (Tacitus) Book XII-XIII" doesn't help with identifying the source in the text. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 07:00, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

• The content was copied and while not technically a copyright violation, immediately fails for this. You will have to write this in your own words and not take large segments of text to make articles. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 07:04, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

@ChrisGualtieri: You call this a review? One could easily edit the text for satisfying these problems or some days could be given for this issues to be dealt with at least. Jaqeli 17:23, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

The article needs a copyedit and I was inclined to try and assist, but the prose was just difficult and it requires familiarity. I simply cannot do that without making inaccuracies. Also, while trying to fix the tense I started reading and saw that chunks of text were copied word for word. For that, I failed it rather than completing my review, but I'll open a discussion into my actions at WT:GAN on your behalf. ChrisGualtieri (talk) 17:45, 7 August 2014 (UTC)

If an article does not pass the initial inspection stage of a GA review process, I don't think there is an obligation for the reviewer to expend more of their time by going through all the other stages of it. I'm a bit concerned that Rhadamistus is being called a "Georgian royal prince" - not everyone and everything that ever existed at any period on any territory that is now part of the modern republic of Georgia can be called "Georgian". "Avunculicide" - was that term mentioned or missed by Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones S4 E8? :) Tiptoethrutheminefield (talk) 21:41, 7 August 2014 (UTC)