Talk:Other Minds: The Octopus, the Sea, and the Deep Origins of Consciousness/GA1
Latest comment: 2 years ago by AryKun in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: AryKun (talk · contribs) 13:57, 21 September 2021 (UTC)
- Hey, will do this soon. AryKun (talk) 13:57, 21 September 2021 (UTC)
- Many thanks for taking it on. I'm used to working with reviewers and can usually fix anything necessary very promptly. Chiswick Chap (talk) 14:02, 21 September 2021 (UTC)
- I think you should remove the "the" before octopus and cuttlefish in the lead, because both of those terms refer to a large number of species.
- Done.
- You could add a couple more of the reactions to the book to the lead instead of just limiting it to the NYT review.
- Done.
- You could probably merge the context section into the book section as a subheader.
- Done.
- Maybe bold the 3 lineages in the tree instead of starring them, because that would look better.
- Done.
- "intelligent alien, but that "the minds of cephalopods are the most other of all."" Is the "but" appropriate here? Wouldn't an "and" be a better linker?
- Done.
- "book, as he dives in the shallow waters off Australia" → "from dives in the shallow waters off Australia in the book"
- Reworded.
- "Octopuses are, he notes, inquisitive, observant, even friendly" → "He notes that octopuses are inquisitive, observant, and even friendly"
- Done. I see you don't like this construction!
- "Intelligence is, Godfrey-Smith argues, predicated" → "Godfrey-Smith argues that intelligence is predicated"
- Reworded; we're avoiding having all the paragraphs begin with "G-S..."
- "Such capabilities, in Godfrey-Smith's view, are" → "In Godfrey-Smith's view, such capabilities are"
- Done.
- Is the italicization of "other minds" necessary?
- Removed.
- Move the Octopus tetricus image up to the book section next to text that discusses Octopolis.
- Moved.
- Everything else is fine, so you just need to address the above issues. AryKun (talk) 06:49, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- AryKun: Thank you, all done to date. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:23, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- @Chiswick Chap: I'm not the reviewer here, but the GAN is open for comments, so: can you more clearly cite where the {{clade}} diagram comes from? Psiĥedelisto (talk • contribs) please always ping! 23:03, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
- Page ref added. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:13, 24 September 2021 (UTC)
- AryKun: Thank you, all done to date. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:23, 22 September 2021 (UTC)
- I think you should remove the "admits to a love affair with octopuses, having read Jacques-Yves Cousteau's 1973 Octopus and Squid: The Soft Intelligence" part, as it isn't really pertinent to the review of the book.
- Removed.
- @Chiswick Chap: This is pretty much all I could come up with, so the article is good to go as soon as you respond to the above suggestion. AryKun (talk) 06:03, 29 September 2021 (UTC)
- AryKun, many thanks for the review. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:23, 29 September 2021 (UTC)