Talk:Nala (The Lion King)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: FunkMonk (talk · contribs) 23:01, 29 February 2016 (UTC)

Hi, I'll review this article. FunkMonk (talk) 23:01, 29 February 2016 (UTC)

• The infobox image seems too high res for fair use. Also, I'm sure an image where she looks a bit more neutral could be found?

• Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:03, 1 March 2016 (UTC)

Still too high res for fair use, should only be 400 pixels wide.[1] FunkMonk (talk) 19:10, 1 March 2016 (UTC)

• Okay, I think I finally got it. There was an overlooked error in my last upload.--Changedforbetter (talk) 23:45, 1 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Nala and Simba when they grow up" Seems like an odd caption. I'd expect something like "Adult Nala and Simba in the Lion King (1994)" or some such.

• Image simply removed. It serves no purpose in the article; it was added without my knowledge.--Changedforbetter (talk) 18:08, 1 March 2016 (UTC)

• Much of Film and television is unreferenced.

• Done. Additional sources added. Anything else?--Changedforbetter (talk) 00:21, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Film critic James Berardinelli identified Nala as the film's "sole significant female character."[1] Doesn't this make more sense under reception?

• Yes, it would ALSO make sense in "Reception", but I included it in the writing section because the quote clarifies Nala's role in the film's story, similar to the last paragraph in the section. The passage isn't really a review of the character; Berardinelli's actual review of Nala has been included in reception.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "during which an increasingly senile Scar" He becomes increasingly senile during the song?

• Removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• " Identified by Oh My Disney as "the proverbial glue that holds The Lion King together",[10] Candice Russel of the Sun-Sentinel believes that Nala contributes to the film's love story – "an indispensable factor in Disney cartoon features" – in addition to convincing Simba to return to Pride Rock.[11][12]" Seems this sentence could be cut, not sure why two different statements by different sources need to be in the same sentence.

• Separated into two sentences.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Oh My Disney" could be presented. What is it? A website?

• Done. "The website Oh My Disney..."--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• Perhaps also show an image of Nala as a cub, since this "stage" is pretty significant?

• I don't see the necessity. It would require the uploading of another non-free image (screenshot). Plus, Nala's role as a cub is far less important than her role as an adult; that version of the character appears for a total 15 minutes of screen time and, unlike Simba, has little weight in the story in comparison to her adult counterpart.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "unlike Disney's three previous animated efforts." Perhaps mention these in parenthesis.

• Sure. Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

I don't see it, though? Perhaps it was missed. FunkMonk (talk) 22:35, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• Solved.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:53, 4 March 2016 (UTC)

Oh, I meant mention what the three films are in parenthesis, not put the existing sentence in parenthesis... FunkMonk (talk) 01:01, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

• Got it.

• "and but is willing to" And but? Does the source really say this?

• Yes, the source does in fact say this; "and" replaced with ellipses (...)--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "The film's entire recording process took approximately three years to complete" Dates? From when to when?

• Not in source; if I knew the date I would have included it. The film was produced between 1988 and 1994, but no source found clarifies how much of that was spent recording voices.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "during which Kelly's sessions were held in both the United States and Canada, while her co-stars Broderick and Jeremy Irons, voice of Scar, were recording in the United States and England, respectively" When?

• See above.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "A straight woman" already linked earlier.

Unlinked.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• Might say "A straight woman character", to leave out ambiguity as to what is meant.

• Done.

• "the musician was 15 years old at the time" Why not say singer?

• Changed to singer.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "much of her footage from the first film was simply reused" What is meant by footage here?

• Changed to Nala's footage.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Kelly's performance as Nala is responsible for introducing the actress to a younger audience, who had been better known for" It now looks as if the part after the comma refers to "a younger audience", not the actress...

• Changed to "to a younger audience. Previously, she had been better known..."--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "A straight woman, Kelly described Nala as a sensible and nurturing yet authoritative character,[15] while Amber Leab of Bitch Flicks described her as strong, independent and intelligent.[29] According to Oh My Disney, Nala serves as "the proverbial glue that keeps The Lion King together"," Much of this is already mentioned under development. Should probably be cut in one of these places, probably from development.

• "According to Oh My Disney, Nala serves as "the proverbial glue that keeps The Lion King together" removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "the film could have having a "patriarchal structure."" Something wrong here.

• "avoided"--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "belongs to a trio of Disney heroines who" Who are the others?

• Faline and Maid Marian from Bambi and Robin Hood added.--Changedforbetter (talk) 19:34, 2 March 2016 (UTC)

• "A young Nala debuted in The Lion King (1994) as the" I'd expect the title of the film to be mentioned and linked much earlier in the article body?

• Unlinked.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

You could still mention the title of the film itself earlier. FunkMonk (talk) 11:42, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• Done. First paragraph, first line.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:52, 4 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Elephant Graveyard " Should this really be capitalised?

• Yes. The location is usually capitalized in Lion King media, just like Pride Rock and Pride Lands.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• "a trio of hyenas hired by" Is hired the right word here?

• Replaced with chosen?--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• "around Nala and Simba's son Kovu who" Isn't Kovu the name of "Zira"'s son?

• Careless mistake. Changed to Kion.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• There is a bit of overlinking left.

• Examples?--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

There are at least four. You can highlight them with the Highlight duplicate links tool. FunkMonk (talk) 07:44, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• How do I access this tool?--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:52, 4 March 2016 (UTC)

This script should do the trick:[2] FunkMonk (talk) 21:12, 4 March 2016 (UTC)

• Think I took care of this.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:13, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

• "a young Nala's speaking voice" The young Nala?
• Changed to young Nala.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)
• "Created by screenwriters Irene Mecchi, Jonathan Roberts and Linda Woolverton, and animated by Aaron Blaise and Anthony de Rosa" There should not be unique info in the intro. The intro is just a summary of the article body.

• Removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• "introduced in Walt Disney Pictures' 32nd animated feature film" Likewise.

• 32nd removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 03:29, 3 March 2016 (UTC)

• I think I've addressed everything. Thoughts?--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:14, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

I think it all looks good, and with the two last things fixed, I'll pass it now. FunkMonk (talk) 10:09, 5 March 2016 (UTC)