Talk:Masako Katsura/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 19:15, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

Overall, this is a pretty good article, though I did find some concerns:

• "By 13 she was spending time in her brother-in-law's room" When I hear room I don't think the billiard parlor room, so reword.

• Done.--Fuhghettaboutit (talk) 22:34, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• "The year prior to her marriage, Katsura competed in and took second place in Japan's national three-cushion championship where she was the only woman competing.[15] She had taken second place years prior,[18] and repeated the year of her marriage, claiming the runner-up spot for a third time in 1950" I would reword to make it clearer when she competed and when she finished second. I figured it out but it took me a couple reads to.

• Done and glad you commented on it. I think it reads much better now. Thanks for taking the time.--Fuhghettaboutit (talk) 22:34, 5 April 2010 (UTC)

• The second part of McGoorty's block quote in the exhibition section might be served better as a box quote. That's up to you though, if you don't like the idea that's fine.

• placed it at the beginning of the section. I like the look. Good suggestion. It's a nice quote but really was an afterthought when following the first quote, which related directly to the text preceding it.--Fuhghettaboutit (talk) 03:42, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• "A number of pre-booked stops on the tour suffered from lack of attendance.[7] Cochran was very bitter about it" These could just be combined into one sentence.

• I tried a number of combinations and none of them work well for me. The second sentence, as separated, has a nice declaratory ring to it.

That's all that's left, I'll put it on hold and will pass it shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 00:29, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Alright, everything looks good now, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:01, 6 April 2010 (UTC)