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Talk:Magna Carta Holy Grail/GA1

< Talk:Magna Carta Holy Grail
Latest comment: 10 years ago by IndianBio in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

Latest comment: 10 years ago51 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: IndianBio (talk · contribs) 08:46, 2 March 2014 (UTC) One of my favorite releases of 2013, still has ample amount of replay in my ipod, lol.Reply

Well thanks, that was quick. Looking forward to the review! Please do not be afraid to place the article on hold, I can make any necessary changes very briskly. STATic message me! 09:08, 2 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Initial comments.
  • No dab links.
  • External links need major overhaul because a number of them are dead and redirected and mal-formatted. I suggest you take them up first as I go through the article. P.S.: I listen to the song/album I'm reviewing to get the full pleasure and experience, hehe) —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:11, 3 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Forgot to check that. Done already, and yeah I do the same when I am promoting one haha. STATic message me! 07:20, 3 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Lead section
  • Is there any reason why Jay-Z is suddenly JAY Z in the infobox?
  • That is how he is credited in the booklet and such that's why, but I changed it. STATic message me! 22:15, 3 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • It was made available for free digital download for Samsung customers by the JAY Z Magna Carta app on July 4, 2013,... the sentence continues for too long, its better to end it there, like "It was made available as free digital download for Samsung customers through the Jay-Z Magna Carta app on July 4, 2013." Again the Jay-Z is capitalized I see
  • and released for retail sale on July 8, 2013, by Roc-A-Fella and Roc Nation while being distributed by Universal. --> Retail release happened on July 8, 2013, by Roc-A-Fella and Roc Nation; the album was distributed by Universal.
  • Fixed sentence and in that case the app was literally called "JAY Z Magna Carta", so in that case should it not be capitalized? STATic message me! 22:15, 3 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • I think it will be considered stylization like "artRAVE". —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 10:00, 4 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Move the line about the guest appearance and subsequent production info in the first para before the line about promotion.
  • About the critical reception, I think you can summarize the mixed review, since reading the para about critical response it seems that one group of reviewers complimented the production and the composition, while others were disappointed with the overall theme and the repetitive nature of the songs.
  • On the day of its physical release in the United States, the album was certified Platinum by the RIAA for shipments of 1,000,000 copies..... Expand RIAA to its actual name since its the first occurence
  • Actually that sentence needs to be rephrased, I guess something like "On the day of its physical release in the United States, the album was certified Platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) for shipments of 1,000,000 copies, the sales being aided by the unprecendent digital download deal with Samsung
  • was certified 2x Platinum by the RIAA --> was certified double platinum, and keep the P of platinum consistent
  • Magna Carta Holy Grail was nominated for six Grammy Awards at the 2014 Grammy Awards and was awarded one award, Best Rap/Sung Collaboration for "Holy Grail". --> Magna Carta Holy Grail was nominated in six categories at the 2014 Grammy Awards, winning the Best Rap/Sung Collaboration trophy for "Holy Grail".
    • I think its better that you mention here that "Holy Grail" features Timberlake since the award is actually for Rap/Sung Collaboration. You can remove Timberlake's name from the subsequent para.
  • Many of the album's songs charted on various countries' charts, including the three successful singles "Holy Grail" featuring Justin Timberlake, "Tom Ford" and "Part II (On the Run)", along with "FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt", "Oceans", "Heaven" and "Picasso Baby". Additionally, the album was supported by the concert tour Magna Carter World Tour. --> This needs clarification and complete rephrasing, pretty confusing.
Background
  • On September 23, 2010, rapper Q-Tip confirmed working on Jay-Z's follow up album to The Blueprint 3, saying the album was to hit stores by early 2011 → On September 23, 2010, rapper Q-Tip confirmed working on Jay-Z's twelfth studio album, with a tentative release in 2011
  • In May 2012, it was reported → By May 2012, reports arose that ..
  • The album process was kept a secret, while The-Dream hinted about it in April 2013 in an interview with Hot 97 → This is not clear, what exactly they hinted at?
  • I’m not exactly getting how the music to “Gatsby” is valid in lieu of Magna Carta. This seems WP:UNDUE since it is not expanded upon later. I believe that one/two lines about it will be enough.

... More to come. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 09:01, 5 March 2014 (UTC)Reply

  • Alright got them. The-Dream sentence makes much more sense now and I trimmed the Gatsby info. STATic message me! 18:08, 5 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Recording
  • Comma after "Oceans" and wikilink it the first time. Remove wikilink from second sentence.
  • Comma after Kanye West.
  • however Jay-Z chose to keep them for his upcoming studio album --> however Jay-Z chose to keep them for Magna Carta Holy Grail. Once an album has started recording, its not upcoming anymore.
  • After Watch the Throne was released, Jay-Z chose against working on a new solo album at the time and went touring instead. --> After Watch the Throne was released, Jay-Z chose to go on a worldwide concert tour instead of devouring more time for the album.
  • Over a year later, the main bulk of recording sessions for... --> I'm assuming this means that Jay-Z resumed his recording after the tour was finished? If so you need to clear it up
  • "90sfeel." --> "90s feel". Careful with this throughout the article, there are many instances.
  • What are you referring to? It says "90s feel", well now 1990s feel. I just ctrl-F'ed it, and I found no other instances of "90s" or "90" mentioned in the prose. STATic message me! 21:18, 9 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
I'm referring to the closing quotes coming after the period. In cases like these which are not full quotations, the closing quote should be just inside the period per MOS. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:11, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Okay got it, and took care of some other ones in the article. STATic message me! 07:02, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • You can link Beyonce's album
  • The second para needs some inline citations, especially for claims like Timbaland and Jay-Z grew apart.
  • It does not, the BBC interview that is cited following: "chemistry to collaborate for a whole project.", cites the whole paragraph up to that point. STATic message me! 21:18, 9 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • XXL is wikilinked twice
  • then created the of the instrumental --> ???
  • After fellow producer Boi-1da added to it --> Added what?
  • There are many instances where it has become a repetition of the phrase "the album". You can seriously substitute it with Magna Carta sometimes for better readibility.
  • and Jay instantly. --> Jay?
  • The production for the song "Crown" was created by 16-year-old Canadian producer WondaGurl. --> Wrong usage of word created, and repetition of production
  • Timbaland is also wikilinkd multiple times failing WP:OVERLINK. Check for other producers too.
  • Last para, how many times will you mention Timberlake?
  • Uh he is mentioned twice? Once in the list of people who he was seen recording with and then in the list of who actully made the final version of the album, seems okay to me. STATic message me! 21:18, 9 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • sorry I should have clarified, what I meant was that the first occurence in the article body as Justin Timberlake is fine, rest of the body he should be mentioned with just his surname, Timberlake. You can check such instance for other producers also. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:11, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Okay I did that, except for certain situations where it seemed necessary to state his full name, such as ""Holy Grail" features vocals from singer Justin Timberlake." in the singles section. STATic message me! 07:02, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • You need to mention people by their last names only.
  • My main concern about this whole section is that the information is too scattered. The paras have no inter-connection with them and seems like a proseline/diary like entry of the recording process.
  • Then you might need to re-read it, it is not written in crono/diary order at all. At least not in a glaring overkill way. The first paragraph is about overall recording, next three are about the production/recording process of individual songs and the last is about who he worked on the album with in total. The last might fit better as the second paragraph but I will have to play with a lot of links. But if you think it is definitely necessary i'll do it. STATic message me! 21:18, 9 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Everything else is done though. STATic message me! 21:18, 9 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Release
  • The album is about, like this --> [It] is about, like this
  • Again WP:OVERLINK of all the producer's names
  • The Billboard portion needs clarification. It is Nielsen SoundScan which compiles the sales from point-of-tracking retail desks.
  • Leading up to the release of the album, Jay-Z released the select lyrics to every song from the album daily via the Samsung app that was released on June 23, 2013. --> Leading up to the release of the album, Jay-Z released selected lyrics of each song daily, via the Samsung app. You have mentioned the app release just before
  • On July 3, 2013, the cover art of the album was revealed next to the one of the four surviving copies of album's namesake (the 13th-century English charter) in Salisbury Cathedral, England, and it remained on display there until the end of July --> This does not make sense, what namesake? Who' website? This needs rephrasig and clarification
  • I copyedited it, reads better now. And the namesake is the Magna Carta which is linked right there. And what about website? It says nothing of websites. STATic message me! 21:18, 9 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • I meant the Life + Times website, the last sentence does not clarify who's website it is, Jay-Z's I presume? —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:11, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Oh I deleted it as it was quite trivial, obviously it was made "available" on many websites following its reveal. STATic message me! 07:02, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Either Life + Times or lifeandtimes
  • Tour names do not need quotes
  • when NA dates revealed --> Remove, redundant
  • I think you need a {{see also}} template usage here

Continuing... —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 15:58, 6 March 2014 (UTC)Reply

  • @IndianBio: Feel free to do as many sections as you can or detail as many edits needed as possible, this is my only article on GA review now. STATic message me! 07:02, 10 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Singles
  • I think some information might be missing here as to the final status of the singles, "Holy Grail"'s final peak, or maybe music video etc.
Commercial
  • As of September 2, 2013, It was announced by Billboard that Magna Carta Holy Grail was certified 2x Platinum by the RIAA, for shipments of two million copies in the United States --> As of September 2, 2013, It was announced by Billboard that Magna Carta Holy Grail was certified double platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), for shipments of two million copies in the United States.
  • There is repetition of this exact same line at the second para.
Critical
  • and was named to multiple --> and was named in multiple .. remove the "of" before "Albums of the Yaer
  • Rest of the section is pretty darn good. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:44, 12 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Personnel
  • Per MOS:ALBUM, the personnel designation should be in small letters.
Certifications
  • The 84,000 for Canada and 1,130,000 for US would require inline citations as they are not defaulted from the certification template.
  • I adjusted it to the certification number for their certifications, this would be fine correct? STATic message me! 19:39, 16 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Release history
References
  • There are formatting issues here I see.
  • Accessdate parameters missing
  • En-dash in reference title not being used
  • online publications getting italicized
  • Printed media not getting italicized etc.
  • Would you mind naming the specific ref's where this is a problem. No need to detail each issue, just names the references. STATic message me! 19:39, 16 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Giving all the specific numbers would be too cumbersome. I can give you specific examples: #4, #8, #18, #43 etc are online publication and should not be italicized. #45 Billboard is a printed media. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 11:20, 18 March 2014 (UTC)Reply

All right Static, that finished off the review. Wonderful work, I do nitpick around a lot isn't it? Hehe. Holding the article. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:44, 12 March 2014 (UTC)Reply

@STATicVapor:, I do not think you saw the rest of the comments? —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 07:21, 14 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
@IndianBio: Sorry, I did see them, just been pretty busy these last few days. Is there any time period you would like to see this done in? Or does it not really matter to you? STATic message me! 10:50, 14 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
Tell me how busy are you? Those are just pretty small issues tbh. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 11:38, 14 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
@IndianBio: Sorry, I never even saw this post. I just fixed most of the issues and left a comment or two. STATic message me! 19:39, 16 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
@STATicVapor:, just these reference issues to sort, then we are good to go. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 11:20, 18 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • Hi @STATicVapor: sorry the article must have got lost in my watchlist. I just checked and saw that some of them are still to be tweaked, like iTunes, Complex etc. Especially in the release related sections. Can you just check once? —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 07:03, 21 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • That does it STATic. I'm happy to pass this article as GA now. Congratulations and thanks for the patience in dealing with the nit-picking. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 10:25, 21 March 2014 (UTC)Reply
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