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Removed this text from the page, as it's just a list of quotes from the sketches that are not referenced and aren't very encyclopedic in any case. But they are preserved here.Thespeakingcat (talk) 19:28, 4 September 2009 (UTC) Memorable jokes include:
- "Roseanne Barr threw a massive tantrum and walked out on the set of her show this week. Oh wait, did I say this week? I meant every week."
- "I like Friends. I especially liked it back when I first saw it... and it was called Seinfeld" —read unenthusiastically by Jennifer Aniston on "Spade in America".
- "Madonna, Billy Ray Cyrus, Kevin Costner. All the people who will still have a career next year, take one step forward. Not so fast, Billy Ray!"
- "Cameron Diaz has cut off all of her pretty hair. Men of America, you can finally stop whacking it."
- "Ally McBeal, maybe she should try an 'Ally McMeal'."
- Again, to Jennifer Aniston: "Hey, Jen, I think I know somebody else with your haircut—America."
- Pondering whether or not Fleetwood Mac should still be allowed to refer to themselves as legends: "Fleetwood Mac were singing 'Don't Stop.' I've got a message for the new Fleetwood Mac—DO stop! Stop touring, performing, saying you're legends."
- With a picture of NBC's The Today Show anchor Katie Couric: "Katie Couric, I will give you one thousand dollars if you stop smiling for five seconds."
- Regarding the news that NBC news correspondent Arthur Kent ("The Scud Stud") had refused to do any additional war-zone coverage for his network on the Persian Gulf War until a contract-dispute situation was resolved, a photo of Kent appeared on the screen while Spade announced, "This is Arthur Kent, reporting from Crybaby Land!"
- A picture of Prince appears and David says "My name is Prince, and I am funky!" Then, a picture of Roseanne Barr appears and David says "My name's Roseanne, and I am crazy!"
- A picture of Eddie Murphy appears to which he says, "Look children, a falling star.... Quick make a wish."
- The movie poster for If Looks Could Kill starring Richard Grieco appears to which he says, "If looks could kill, get Greico a mirror."
- When a picture of Erik Estrada appeared on screen he quickly said: "Hi! I need work!"
- When a picture of Vanilla Ice appeared on screen he quickly said: "Hi! I'll rap for food!"
- When a picture of Milli Vanilli appeared on screen he said: "Now these guys... oh wait, that's too easy. Let's move on."
- When a picture of the film poster for Leap of Faith appears, he states, "Leap of Faith. I was going to go see it, but I was sick that day!" Afterwards, the film's star, and frequent SNL host, Steve Martin appears onstage and unseats him.