Talk:Haseeb Ahsan/GA2
Latest comment: 10 years ago by Sahara4u in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:20, 2 March 2014 (UTC)
Comments
- Suggest image in info box is made smaller to alleviate the obvious artefacts of compression.
- Don't link Pakistan and Pakistani in the opening sentence to different things. Perhaps unlink the first altogether.
- "including 2 five-wicket" -> two.
- "at the average" just "at an average" is fine.
- "Ahsan never got married throughout his life." seems like an odd thing to include in the lead.
- "ended up his" -> "resulted in the premature end of his"
- Expand PIA before using the abbreviation.
- National side in info box, just Pakistan, not Pakistani, is fine.
- "during 1955–63" -> "between 1955 and 1963".
- "against the Marylebone..."
- "43 wickets playing nine matches" wickets in nine matches.
- "scored historic 337 runs" why historic?
- "He conceded 84 runs in 21 overs without taking a wicket.[8][9] He took five of his wickets in three Tests against the West Indies.[10]" reads odd sequentially, needs rephrase.
- "only managed 14 wickets in the next two" -> "took only 14 wickets..."
- "the Sargodha" who or what is this?
- "He played his last Test at the National Stadium" would add "in Karachi" because there are plenty of "National Stadium"s out there.
- "at the average of nearly 50" -> an average.
- "As an administrator" -> "Administrative career"
- "a powerful selector, spotted young talent" -> "a powerful selector, [who] spotted young talent"
- "remained 1987 Cricket World Cup Technical Committee's chairman" not sure "remained" is right here.
- Is that the really the link you want for Counsel General?
- "Described by his colleague as a "perfect administrator".[21]" Not a complete sentence.
- "Though Ahsan never got married throughout his life, his friends and colleagues remember him with great fondness" I don't see how these two facts are linked at all.
- Link "called for throwing" appropriately.
- "ended up his" no need for "up".
- " from Renal failure for two " no need for capital R.
Enough for a quick first pass, so I'll put the article on hold for a week and re-review. The Rambling Man (talk) 10:40, 7 March 2014 (UTC)