Talk:Harlow Robinson (Neighbours)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 04:29, 10 March 2024 (UTC)

@Therealscorp1an: There is one priority item that I am mentioning at the start of this review because it will take more time than any other item, and you should start on it immediately. The Storylines section is far too long at 2,429 words (36% of 6,630 words). There are reasons we have guidelines constricting the length of plot summaries. I am going to issue you a challenge: get that storyline section down to about 600 words before I review it. That's a lot—it's a 75% reduction—but right now, that massive, uncited blob verges on fancruft. Expect another ping when this review concludes. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 04:38, 10 March 2024 (UTC)

I am quickfailing this page, but my challenge still applies. The problem is that your process of writing this article has almost all the right ingredients in all the wrong proportions. You overuse churnalism quotes and interviews, though they are necessary in lesser proportion and with less direct quoting. You need to use quotes more sparingly and otherwise figure out how to say things in our own words. You need to consider what detail about a character is actually encyclopedic. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 05:08, 10 March 2024 (UTC)

Did you know? If you fancy doing so, I always have plenty of GA nominees to review. Just look for the all-uppercase titles in the Television section. Reviews always appreciated.

Copy changes

Lead

• Donovan is also the real life daughter Hyphenate "real-life" as an adjective.
• Hyphenate "great-uncle".
• "Headstrong" is one word, unless this is uncommon in Australian English.
• Harlow and Brent Colefax (Texas Watterson) begin dating when Harlow's strong friendship with him reaches new levels and she leans in for the first kiss. Add a comma after levels (WP:CINS)
• Donovan explained that their relationship was a surprise to her and that Harlow was originally worried to pursue a relationship with Brent, but later realised her true feelings for him. But this comma isn't needed; there is one subject, "Harlow".
• Hyphenate "mini-Paul"
• A mental health storyline was written that saw Harlow's behaviour change for the worse and one journalist said that Harlow would be showing her uncharacteristically ruthless side. Add a comma after "worse" (CINS)
• The two kiss, before Ned's affair with Harlow against his girlfriend is exposed. Remove comma
• On 17 May 2022, it was announced Donovan had finished filming and her final scenes aired on 6 July. Add comma after "filming"

Creation and casting

• The serial said online, "A third generation of Donovans is heading to Erinsborough! We're over the moon to reveal that Jemma Donovan, daughter of Neighbours legend Jason (Scott Robinson) and granddaughter of patriarch Terence (Doug Willis) will join the cast as Harlow Robinson – appearing on screen in July. Jemma has been acting since age 11 and after taking a break to complete her education, the 19-year-old returns with a role in the show." This is an overlong quote from an official source. Can we say it in our own words?
• The role was slightly tweaked for Donovan and Harlow's story is described as similar to Donovan's own story of moving from the UK to Australia. Add a comma after "for Donovan" (CINS)
• The quote density is insane. I went ahead and did the Earwig test. Right now, nine pages come back yellow, including two above 70 percent. That is, quite frankly, ludicrous.
• but the role "didn't feel right for her but it all worked out in the end." when you do use quotes and quote a sentence fragment, MOS:LOGICAL: the quotation before the period. Also, that's a lot of "but"s.

After this header, I stopped. The quotation density is insane. You do not have to quote everything. It will help you reduce cruft.

Sourcing and spot checks

I will only comment before quickfailing that 33 of the 42 refs are to Digital Spy. Surely someone else has to be covering this show? Is there anything better?

Images

There are two images. One is a headshot (show still frame) with valid NFUR. The other is an image of Jemma's father Jason which is freely licensed. Encouragement: Add alt text, which can be as simple as "refer to caption".

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.