Talk:Guy Lombardo/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: 160.72.80.178 (talk · contribs)

Reviewer: Averageuntitleduser (talk · contribs) 03:17, 19 March 2024 (UTC)

Hey, I recognize this guy! I do thank you for nominating this article and working on it, but I don't believe it's just yet ready for a review. There are a fair few problems. I've listed some here:

Prose

• There are issues with formatting. Quotation marks are inconsistently used around song titles, same for album titles in italics, as well as release dates in parentheses. Sometimes, words are capitalized midway through a sentence, or they are missing spaces. Commas seem to be needed in many places. As well, there are many duplicate links, for example, "Louis Armstrong" is repeated three times in one section.
• Generally, the writing is too flowery and promotional, some could be fixed via attribution, but others might need more consideration or removal. I'd look through the article with a "Use Plain English" mentality in mind. Watch out for phrases like "legendary", "opulent revivals", "talented actors", "extravaganzas", "balked", etc. Here are other specific examples:
  • as millions of celebrants enjoyed the festivities within the comfort of their own homes
  • for his musical message of hope, peace and happiness for all mankind
  • prominent naturalized American citizens of diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds who made exceptional contributions to American society within literature, politics, the arts and sciences
  • From the realm of grand opera, Lombardo recruited such luminaries as
  • fickle weather conditions which prevailed near the shoreline often featured spontaneous drenching downpours which discouraged concertgoers
  • while also ensuring memorable nights of dancing pleasure to the strains of "the sweetest music this side of heaven"
  • Lombardo's talents also extended beyond the realm of jazz music
• The coord template is inappropriate for a biography, even then, I don't see its connection to Lombardo, it just seems like a random street.
• The lead is quite short compared to the article.
• The article jumps around chronologically a fair bit, which makes it hard to follow. I point out the paragraph about his death in the "Royal Canadians" section (which, on another note, I think could become its own article), as well as the radio, television, film, and theater subsections.
• Is the "Life" section supposed to be a "Personal life" section? If so, I'd imagine it should be expanded.
• Bibliography sections usually list the texts written by the subject. If the books written about Lombardo have received any news coverage, they should be incorporated into the prose.
• The "Tributes" section contains only one-sentence paragraphs.

Sourcing

• Some unsourced material, like the paragraph beginning with "On December 31, 1956", the year of his marriage, and his adoption of the tuba.
• Some sources are unreliable. Refs 91 and 92 are just search results which need to be more specific, FiberClassics is a wiki fork, and IMDb is user-generated.
• A few dead links need to be adressed.
• This is not a requirement, but I'd encourage you to work on the source formatting and add more paramaters. Dates are inconsistent (e.g. YYYY-MM-DD, MDY, and DMY are used interchangably), many sources link to an archive when the original is available, titles like "Archive copy" and "Clipped from the Paris News" should be changed, common website names should be used instead of literal URLs, links are inconsistent, and specifically, ref 52 should use the cite news template.

I have not particularly considered source quality or article breadth, but I imagine a trip to peer review could provide some insight, as well as some help with prose and structure. But please, don't let this review discourage you! Keep at it, and feel free to ask me any questions! Averageuntitleduser (talk) 03:17, 19 March 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.